Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

Do you think my brother in law and his wife have anything to learn from the experience? (And my husband.)

No.

Very dramatic reaction - "it would be the end" to find a family member did not want your pet(s) staying in their house when it had not been mentioned previously.
I think many people would be unhappy about it.

Well I agree with you that the onus was on them to ask if they wanted to bring the dog, but you've lost me here!! Surely you understand the difference between a dog, teddy and houseplant :/

No you arnt being unreasonable. But maybe they've found local boarding kennel to leave him/her whilst they stay the weekend with you, because surely nobody in their right mind would just assume its ok to bring their dog to stay without asking permission first.
Some people have serious allergies from pet hair.
I must add, that I love dogs and as long as id been asked prior to their visit if bringing their pooch was ok then I wouldnt mind in the slightest.

to you maybe, but not to them. Be prepared for them to cancel & bypass you & your husband will not be pleased, also why ‘her’ dog & not ‘their’ dog.

It’s a really unfortunate situation for you. I don’t want dogs in my house but have ended up feeling forced into it as some people take their dogs everywhere and just expect everywhere and everybody to accommodate their dogs (and they wouldn’t have visited otherwise). In my case, people have always asked if they could bring their dogs though!

As a non pet owner, it would occur to me (even after what I’ve stated above) that if anyone asked if they could pop by or stay over, it would mean their dog too. It wouldn’t occur to me that the dog would be with them unless they specifically stated that.

However I suspect that there are a lot of dog owners out there that just assume everybody will be ok with their pet.

there are many reasons why people are not ok with hogs and other pets and I think it’s incredibly rude and presumptuous to just turn up with a dog and not ask first. Even worse if it’s an overnight stay. And awful if it’s a yappy dog or one that jumps up all the time.

Omg everyone has gone batshit picking on OP. I had a dog. Loved the dog. But I would never presume the dog would go with me to stay at someone’s house without checking! And also when the visit discussions were taking place, wouldn’t a dog owner have said ‘so is Fido allowed upstairs/on the beds, he usually sleeps with us’ or ‘is Fido ok staying in the lounge/kitchen etc.’ And then OP could have said “Mumsnet tinkly laugh oh but we don’t have dogs in the house, maybe a kennel for lovely dog or maybe we need to arrange another time for the visit when dog is at your home.”

Yes, they are all very different. One is a pet, one is a toy and one is a hydrangea. None of them are family.

If a dog is like a plant or teddy, then there is no issue letting them stay 😉

Maybe you should read the thread! Words like audacity and calling your inlaws rude and unreasonable, referring to having to “suck it up to keep the peace”- seems pretty offended behaviour to me.

Even still, I’d be willing to bet that on campsites dogs outnumber all other pets combined by 10:1 at least.

On what authority can you claim to say what someone describes as family?

The onus is on the hosts to say, "hey, just realised the dog is with you, that's not going to work staying here, can we find an alternative plan?" But the OP will not do this so is passively aggressively ranting on MN instead. Total waste of time and energy but if it satisfies the OP to do it this why... why not, each to their own.

I don't know any children that roll in shit, or put their bare shitty bums on the furniture and carpet when they visit. You must know some very strange families.

Totally agree. It's ridiculous to assume that everyone believes that dogs are some kind of human family members and therefore should be accepted as such by all concerned. Very presumptuous behaviour. OP your home your rules you decide about the dog without feeling guilty.

How can they come and stay with you if they have the dog with them and you don't want the dog in your house?

Op can you do a weekend thread & give us a blow by blow account of happy yappy dogs visit?

I have the feeling its going to be an entertaining weekend. If you pop to Aldi on Sunday you can get your nephew/neice some new toys as a treat for being good 😂

get treats in, dog will be happier and will love future visits to Auntie Doggo’s

Because, as I have explained three or four times now, I will graciously and selflessly put my desires aside to keep the peace.

Stay tuned.

I’m a dog owner.

if I was going to someone’s house there is no way I’d expect my dog to be invited.

If they said ‘bring the dog’ and I know they like dogs….great.
if I was staying somewhere overnight, and couldn’t leave her with someone, I’d probably book into a dog friendly hotel like Travelodge and either meet at their house if that was ok or somewhere like a pub or somewhere appropriate. Or I’ll visit on my own and leave my husband to look after the dog.

This. Most reasonable people would expect their dog to be in a kennel or at one of those people who runs a holiday dog service out of their home/farm. Does the dog normally rock up at your house, or will this be the first time? Your DH is BVVVU. He needs to grow a fucking backbone.

Too true! 🤣

No. Not that they didn't want the dogs at their house. I made it clear that I don't expect to take the dogs, so I expect not to be able to go. My bed, I'm happy to lie on it.
The "end" would be the bitchy, self-obsessed tone of this thread, the insinuation that our lifestyle was dirty, and that we should have been mind readers wrt an invitation. I don't think I'd be in a hurry to visit the OP anyway, tbh.

Oh absolutely, much more to be fair. Just thought it would put a smile on a few faces

Because most dog owners see them as part of the family, it would be like asking if you could bring your kids with you. My friends and relatives know they would be ok to bring their dog to stay at mine (and I think most would check if staying somewhere new) but in OPs situation she knows they have a dog so she should have specified/ checked that the dog would not be welcome. I can see why the relatives have assumed it's ok as no clarification has been given.

Personally if I was a dog owner I would have asked but I know that this just wouldn't occur to some people and the host would need specify.

When hosting I would also check diet requirements, are the kids coming, is the dog coming etc