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AIBU?

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He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?

357 replies

Gingernaut · 03/08/2026 11:25

I apologise in advance. This is a very long post, There is even more back story than this.

I have tried not to drip feed.

I'm 58. The eldest of 3. Very glass half empty

I work at a VERY low level job within the NHS, barely above minimum wage

I live in a shitty part of the world - Two decades ago, I bought a three up, three down, mid terraced house, in the hope that, with family help and a loan I could do it up

My family sickened, my life turned to crap, the loan became a complete millstone and I've been unable to do the house up due to lack of funds or sell because the house's current value won't let me buy another place

I have ADHD AND dyslexia, the cost of education is out of reach and I am unqualified apart from O Level, CSE, GCSE level and a useless HND

I am unlikely to get a better paying job

When our parents died owning property in London, middle brother fucked around and got a deed of variation and second brother and I inherited less than we should have done - I was in a very crappy situation, close to killing myself and at least I got some money

Instead of doing the correct thing, I threw money at this dump, got shilled by cowboy builders who since went bust and I am STILL living in a dump in a crappy, slumlord dominated hellscape

At one point, after paying the mortgage off, I was offered £15k for it by a slumlord and I realise I should have bitten his arm off

I would still have enough money to buy a better place in a nicer area

Still, hindsight...20/20...blah,blah

my only 'savings' are the remnants of my inheritance which I am loath to touch as that is my pension/rainy day fund

Think tens of thousands, not hundreds of thousands of £££ - I cannot afford to lose this, spend it rashly or crack into the bonds/savings accounts without penalties

My only saving grace is that I now no longer pay a mortgage, handy, considering I'm paid so little

Middle brother, got a three bedroomed flat in London out of our parents' estate which has only gone up in value since my dad died

He's divorced with two adult children, one of whom is "in law" - Has a law degree and is advising dad

After the sale of the flat, which somehow took forever, he paid his ex-wife and still had a considerable sum of money to buy a place

He moved in in December 2023

It is now August 2026.

At first, it did look temporary.

He did a few jobs around the house, whilst getting to know the area, looking for houses, all the while moving more and more stuff in

Fixed the bathroom window which leaked when it rained and the wind blew in the wrong direction

Found and fixed an issue with the drainage from the cowboy installed upstairs bathroom, digging out a new drain and fixing it to the sewer line in the process

Laid out a new lower path (which causes me issues with a knee injury), but it's now lower than the damp course

Fitted and charged me for a new, unwanted fence but found an issue which had been causing damp in the upstairs bedroom he is now sleeping in

Painted the back of the house after hiring some scaffolding

He started with the damp issue with the downstairs of the house, but stopped more than two years ago

He got caught up spending more and more time in the garden, weeks, in fact

It now looks lovely, but now has grass which needs cutting - Not slumlord or renter friendly

The ONLY people who might have any interest in buying a mid terrace house between tenanted properties will be a landlord and that back yard will cost somewhere in the region of £5k to £10k to take back to slab/concrete/courtyard

There a 20 square foot patch of bare brick in the corner of my back room, signalling to anyone who visits that there is a massive issue with damp and it's been like this for TWO FUCKING YEARS

He found a place, a mid terraced house, but the vendors had to wait for probate

He refused to look for another place

He kept going and bought this dump, with the sale going through in 2024 - It was structurally unsound, near a school, so has parking issues, has antisocial neighbours, but since then he's been promising me that he's leaving

Three dates in 2025 have gone by and he's STILL here

One of the dates, he started shouting at me that I was being insensitive about the death of a guy who he had never mentioned before and he had to go to London to perform a few DIY tasks for his grieving widow

All the while, the space needed to sort the damp issue, make exploratory holes in the flooring to see the extent has been taken up with his hoard

The front room is filled with his tools, desk and chair, the second bedroom is filled with his stuff as well

I started this low paid job as I needed a break from the shift work which was slowly doing my head in

I took a £1k a month pay cut to have regular hours

I worked on small pieces of salvaged furniture, I have an interest in sewing and embroidery and bought an expensive scanner for all the family photographs which I intended to digitise for the rest of the family

All these plans have been turned to shit

The fabrics and thread are inaccessible due to them being locked away in the spare bedroom - more than likely being eaten with moths

The scanner is up and out of reach, there is nowhere to lay it out to operate it

The front room, where the furniture used to be worked on is now hoarded out with tools

I have removed the dining table in the back room to create space - It's now used for drying laundry

Better yet, I am allergic to a variety of foodstuffs which Middle Brother insists on cooking - My own kitchen is inaccessible to me and he sees nothing wrong with this

I have told him to leave - HE refuses and has taken advice from his son to say this is correct

Sum total of the legal argument is "But he'll be homeless"

He insists that the work he's done has more than paid for his rent AND all bills

Yes, reader, in case you're still here, he has not paid any of the bills aside from three months, when he showed willing, all the while piling more stuff up in the house

He does have a storage unit

I have lost the single person's council tax discount and I am paying increased gas and electric bills

I have taken paid legal advice and been told that as he has done some work to the place he may have a beneficial interest in a house I have owned for decades

I have gone into "petty mode"

I have stripped the gas hob and oven of everything to make them useable - Gas consumption has dropped to the point that some days, the standing charge is higher than the cost of the gas used on a daily basis

He then insisted that the washing machine wasn't rinsing properly and started to do two washes - One for the wash and one for the rinse - of course the electricity went up

I removed the machine drawer - A friend at work is looking after it for me

To me, the storage and laundrette costs are more than the cost saved, but I am petty as fuck

Middle brother has now bought an electric hob and his own microwave

Taking up more fucking space and using more electricity

Matters are not helped by the state of his house

During the early Spring, when family visited from all over, he took us on a "tour" of the house

We could stand in the front room, look up and see the underside of the roof

When I challenged him during one Saturday in July about the state of my finances and when he was moving out he gave me an instruction to wear solid shoes and he would take me over to see the state of the place

Sunday morning he confessed that he has spent months digging a hole and there was so little progress on the house that I would notice

He bought such a fucking garbage patch that a well, you know, a water type well, outside his kitchen door has been leaking and damaging the foundations

He had been digging out the well by hand and performing groundworks outside the house after taking advice

And the foundations need to dry out,

And he has to create a soakaway

And the house cannot be moved into

I am beyond fucking livid

This parasite is leeching off his poorly paid and increasingly disabled sister, forcing her to eat out of packets due to his selfishness in the kitchen and he is on side quest after side quest

Electric bike, well, garden etc

Even in his own house, because he has no front garden, he can't park a skip on the road due to the parking issues around the school - A huge portion of the rubble from the works is in 'cages' around the garden, forming building blocks for walls

He has no bathroom or kitchen and this will remain so for some time

Instead of working on the house today he's got a "van job"

I had to take a day off to let the BG Boiler man do his annual survey, hence this rant

The people at work area aware of my predicament - I have two half joking offers of help to dispose of his corpse should I kill him

We worked out I needed two volunteers, because he has two vehicles. They are both dog owners and know remote spots to dispose of the vehicles and his corpse

We jokingly planned it all out, utterly deadpan

I have been referred to safeguarding on the grounds of financial abuse, their referral upwards failed to progress as there are plenty of others in greater need than me and my case was not considered severe enough

The police were useless - "Well, have you told him to leave?"

My paid legal advisor told me he may have a beneficial interest in the house

A house I have owned and lived in for over two decades

What can I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
curtaintwitcher78 · 29/08/2026 23:09

Gingernaut · 29/08/2026 23:05

I'm beginning to suspect 'D'B let himself in via the loft hatch with the help of a friendly neighbour

The back door was where he might have let himself out.

Bolts for the two loft hatches needed

Jesus that is terrible!

WWomble · 29/08/2026 23:31

Bolts for the loft hatch.
Covert cameras with cloud storage to monitor movements inside.
Maybe also someone to one and check your home security.

Millytante · 30/08/2026 00:13

Gingernaut · 29/08/2026 23:05

I'm beginning to suspect 'D'B let himself in via the loft hatch with the help of a friendly neighbour

The back door was where he might have let himself out.

Bolts for the two loft hatches needed

Securing any premises from sneak invasion necessitates attention to every conceivable means of ingress.
Therefore, now you’ve considered the loft hatch*, you must ponder the damn chimney breast, and the cellar door, and so on.
Anywhere with a decent gap; think of DB as a mouse, and how they get in by hook or by crook when they are determined on it!

*Loft hatch: I pictured a Velux window such as I have on my sloping roof, imagining DB skidding across roof tiles. How he'd open it if it were closed, I’ve no idea
But I’m now aghast to wonder if you are on about the indoor hatch on the landing?? 🙀
Are you saying the neighbours’ loft/attic is not walled off from yours?
If it’s not walled off, that’s a very serious fire risk, even if no humans bent on mischief are nearby with other plans.

That bit of building work really needs your attention, and if you add it to the little list headed by ‘New hardwood doors’, and commit now to spending the necessary dosh on these essential jobs, you could deal with it all quite calmly, in its obvious separate categories, and allocate dates and a budget to your chosen tradespeople, and then the worst aspect of it all is pretty much done, that of tackling it all in the first place.
You've mentioned how you can be frozen in place when overwhelmed, so perhaps you’d find a helping hand to break it down into clear, easy steps via the Citizens’ Advice Bureau. If not their own officers, they'd know whom to recommend for a bit of administrative support like that.

But man, these neighbours, if this was indeed what transpired, need a bloody good talking to, possibly by the police (if they even do this nowadays.)
Certainly you have to impress upon next door, with urgency and force, that they are involving themselves in flat out criminal activity, and the fact that he’s your brother is neither here nor there: he is barred, unwelcome, and without any rights at your house. End of.

God love you, what a carry on.
Think of it as what the art world calls a ‘diminuendo’, i.e. a gallery wall where a number of paintings are hung from a large one, then in decreasing size to the very smallest at t’other end.
The big picture, Friday just gone, may well be followed by a succession of smaller and smaller scenes, but you can see the end of the series clearly, and you understand that viewing each successive picture will give you something worthwhile, so you persevere despite half of you itching to scarper to the café downstairs!
Anyway, you will reach the end of all these scenes, glowing with relief and satisfaction.
(Even peace, were it not for the nagging question in your mind about the artist’s cunning ways of obscuring his light source in all those 18th century landscapes you scrutinised. Damn, was it hidden behind that tree, or that handy tumbledown mill? 🤣)

Oh btw glad it’s a Bank Holiday in Blighty tomorrow. Hope you have a serene day.

JMSA · 30/08/2026 01:04

I don’t think I’ve ever read such a negative post.
Have you always been like this or only since your brother moved in?

nonevernotever · 30/08/2026 05:26

JMSA · 30/08/2026 01:04

I don’t think I’ve ever read such a negative post.
Have you always been like this or only since your brother moved in?

Seriously? That was your first thought? Be grateful if you've never experienced the way that someone like this can really suck out
any joy in life. (I'm loving @Millytante 's description of him as an unwanted rodent ).

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 30/08/2026 07:24

That must be very unnerving. What alerted you to the loft issue?

CruelsummerTS · 30/08/2026 09:36

Gingernaut · 29/08/2026 23:05

I'm beginning to suspect 'D'B let himself in via the loft hatch with the help of a friendly neighbour

The back door was where he might have let himself out.

Bolts for the two loft hatches needed

What on earth?!
Have you spoken to this neighbour and told them they’re accomplices to breaking and entering now he’s been turfed out ?

Gingernaut · 30/08/2026 11:06

There's no damage, but the cobwebs around the loft hatch are disturbed

He, more likely, left a window unlocked and unlatched, I failed to notice as I was preoccupied with the locksmith and getting to work on time, he then asked a neighbour to let him round the back, gained entry through the unlocked/open window, loaded up through the front door, thumb latch locked the front door and then let himself out via the back door

The cobwebs around the hatch are disturbed and one of the highest pictures up on the wall has a slight 'wonk' to it.

I'm scared of heights and I know I made sure the picture was level when I put it up, so that I didn't have to go up there again

Both theoretical means of entry are possible, but the means of exit the same

Of course, all the windows are now closed and/or locked and it isn't possible to unlock a window from the outside

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 30/08/2026 11:09

CruelsummerTS · 30/08/2026 09:36

What on earth?!
Have you spoken to this neighbour and told them they’re accomplices to breaking and entering now he’s been turfed out ?

Don't know which neighbour and falsely accusing the wrong one would just cause more stress and hostility

OP posts:
Error404FucksNotFound · 30/08/2026 11:09

Tell the neighbours you have had to make him leave and not to help him break into your home.

mbosnz · 30/08/2026 11:11

The creep is really driving home the point that he can come and go as he pleases, whatever you do or say, isn't he?

Millytante · 30/08/2026 11:35

Gingernaut · 30/08/2026 11:09

Don't know which neighbour and falsely accusing the wrong one would just cause more stress and hostility

I think this calls for buying half a dozen notelet card thingies, to be pushed through the letterboxes of all your nearest neighbours.

In friendly tones, alert them to your having had a serious rift with the brother they'll have seen coming and going at your house in recent years, and that he is now banned and locked out from the premises, fully legally in terms of any rights he may try to invoke.
They should not fear any violence occurring at your place, as this isn’t the worry at all, just the security of your premises.

You are concerned that he may yet approach one of them for assistance with some ‘urgent’ matter within your place (with material damage in mind, even.)
No such access should be afforded him, and theyd be doing you a great kindness never to facilitate access by anyone unless you have asked them specifically for this help.

You regret having to burden them with a family bother, but this is a serious cause of concern with a brother who mightily resisted having to move out, even after many months’ notice.

[Been awake all night so my brain is very limited this morning, so excuse wonky wording. But I’d act fast on this in some similar way, all the same. Just another gap to be blocked up. 🐭]

Gingernaut · 30/08/2026 11:42

TBF, I don't think he's going to pull a stunt like that again

Every door and window is now closed, latched and locked

OP posts:
mbosnz · 30/08/2026 11:47

Gingernaut · 30/08/2026 11:42

TBF, I don't think he's going to pull a stunt like that again

Every door and window is now closed, latched and locked

Good. Sorry to call your brother a creep, but that kind of behaviour really gets my goat!

Gwenhwyfar · 30/08/2026 11:51

Gingernaut · 30/08/2026 11:09

Don't know which neighbour and falsely accusing the wrong one would just cause more stress and hostility

He may have told them he was locked out or something. I wouldn't blame the neighbours.

Bonbon21 · 30/08/2026 11:51

You should tell your neighbours.. ALL your neighbours, that your brother no longer lives in your house and is no longer welcome, therefore they should no longer assist him with entry!
Just factual stuff.. no details needed.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 30/08/2026 14:57

I wouldn’t blame the neighbours, but I would appeal for their help. Explain he’s behaved really badly, wowed you a lot of money, and can’t be trusted- that you e had to change the locks. Mention that you’ll need to involve the police if he continues, and ask them to keep an eye out for him and let you know if he’s sniffing around.

That doesn’t accuse anyone, and clarifies that you are the one who’s been taken advantage of and need help to protect yourself from him.

toadinthewotsit · 30/08/2026 16:36

I would ask the police for advice, don't involve the neighbours. If they're decent and they see him hanging around or climbing through windows (or attempting to) then hopefully they'll mention it. If they're friendly with him (and i can only imagine what crap he's been spouting to them) speaking to them will get reported straight back to him, or they will see him as the wronged party. But cameras would be great, as would a couple of feral cats in the loft in case of unexpected visitors!!!Rodent, indeed 😂

curtaintwitcher78 · 30/08/2026 17:25

Everything aside, and I know you have a lot of legitimate issues to deal with yet, but please take a moment to congratulate yourself.
We all now how difficult and taxing this situation has been but you've done the hardest bit. You've grabbed the bull by the horns and dealt with it. Well done!

Gingernaut · 30/08/2026 18:34

Thank you to all

Found the point of ingress - a window

Everything is locked and secured now

He had a bed to remove and trying to get that out and down the stairs could account for the cobweb and 'wonky' picture

Think 'PIVOT' from Friends

Thank you for all your help and advice

OP posts:
Millytante · 30/08/2026 19:07

Gingernaut · 30/08/2026 18:34

Thank you to all

Found the point of ingress - a window

Everything is locked and secured now

He had a bed to remove and trying to get that out and down the stairs could account for the cobweb and 'wonky' picture

Think 'PIVOT' from Friends

Thank you for all your help and advice

Edited

Thank gawd for that! I was thinking the next instalment would be along the lines of his (🐭) clandestine Pink Panther-style invasion while you're at work, to the strains of
“Right said Fred, ‘ave to get the wall down!
That there wall is gonner ‘ave to go!”

👏🏼 please consider the odd update now and then, to say how you're getting aling. Either way, I’m sure many people will often think of you, and send out an encouraging vibe or two.
I hope you’ll be happy and peaceful now, after this hellish ordeal.

Gribouille · 30/08/2026 19:46

Thanks for the 'Right Said Fred' ear worm, @Millytante (and the Viz reference in your name) 😄

Yes, @Gingernaut , sure we'd like to hear you're doing okay, if you can do it without prolonging the irritation of this! But it must be satisfying to have identified his ingress, and to be getting on top of this loooong lasting situation at last...

I hope you can take extra pleasure in the thought that, however much of a ball ache this has been to you, it must be so much more for his freeloading, lazy arse...

🤗

Gingernaut · 30/08/2026 21:21

Gribouille · 30/08/2026 19:46

Thanks for the 'Right Said Fred' ear worm, @Millytante (and the Viz reference in your name) 😄

Yes, @Gingernaut , sure we'd like to hear you're doing okay, if you can do it without prolonging the irritation of this! But it must be satisfying to have identified his ingress, and to be getting on top of this loooong lasting situation at last...

I hope you can take extra pleasure in the thought that, however much of a ball ache this has been to you, it must be so much more for his freeloading, lazy arse...

🤗

I've requested the single person's council tax discountand given them 'D'B's address, I've registered myself as the sole occupier of my address for the electoral roll, I've had a day out today with other crafting type ladies and not had to come home with a sinking heart

I've got a lot to clean up in the middle bedroom - I've cut up a foam mattress, wrestled the pieces into bin bags with the help of packing tape and have piled them up in the front room ready to go out in the rubbish piecemeal

No charity shop will take a mattress that can't be cleaned - so that's a waste

I've got to clean up the spare bedroom and get back to normal

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 31/08/2026 03:55

re the mattress and other bulky items - most councils have a collection service you can use

Gribouille · 31/08/2026 08:33

UpDownAllAround1 · 31/08/2026 03:55

re the mattress and other bulky items - most councils have a collection service you can use

Edited

Damn, could have called the Council to removed him! 😄

Must be so lovely waking up without him there, sweetie... 🤗 You might get a bit knackered after the rage and relief wear off, so be kind and gentle to yourself.