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AIBU?

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He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?

357 replies

Gingernaut · 03/08/2026 11:25

I apologise in advance. This is a very long post, There is even more back story than this.

I have tried not to drip feed.

I'm 58. The eldest of 3. Very glass half empty

I work at a VERY low level job within the NHS, barely above minimum wage

I live in a shitty part of the world - Two decades ago, I bought a three up, three down, mid terraced house, in the hope that, with family help and a loan I could do it up

My family sickened, my life turned to crap, the loan became a complete millstone and I've been unable to do the house up due to lack of funds or sell because the house's current value won't let me buy another place

I have ADHD AND dyslexia, the cost of education is out of reach and I am unqualified apart from O Level, CSE, GCSE level and a useless HND

I am unlikely to get a better paying job

When our parents died owning property in London, middle brother fucked around and got a deed of variation and second brother and I inherited less than we should have done - I was in a very crappy situation, close to killing myself and at least I got some money

Instead of doing the correct thing, I threw money at this dump, got shilled by cowboy builders who since went bust and I am STILL living in a dump in a crappy, slumlord dominated hellscape

At one point, after paying the mortgage off, I was offered £15k for it by a slumlord and I realise I should have bitten his arm off

I would still have enough money to buy a better place in a nicer area

Still, hindsight...20/20...blah,blah

my only 'savings' are the remnants of my inheritance which I am loath to touch as that is my pension/rainy day fund

Think tens of thousands, not hundreds of thousands of £££ - I cannot afford to lose this, spend it rashly or crack into the bonds/savings accounts without penalties

My only saving grace is that I now no longer pay a mortgage, handy, considering I'm paid so little

Middle brother, got a three bedroomed flat in London out of our parents' estate which has only gone up in value since my dad died

He's divorced with two adult children, one of whom is "in law" - Has a law degree and is advising dad

After the sale of the flat, which somehow took forever, he paid his ex-wife and still had a considerable sum of money to buy a place

He moved in in December 2023

It is now August 2026.

At first, it did look temporary.

He did a few jobs around the house, whilst getting to know the area, looking for houses, all the while moving more and more stuff in

Fixed the bathroom window which leaked when it rained and the wind blew in the wrong direction

Found and fixed an issue with the drainage from the cowboy installed upstairs bathroom, digging out a new drain and fixing it to the sewer line in the process

Laid out a new lower path (which causes me issues with a knee injury), but it's now lower than the damp course

Fitted and charged me for a new, unwanted fence but found an issue which had been causing damp in the upstairs bedroom he is now sleeping in

Painted the back of the house after hiring some scaffolding

He started with the damp issue with the downstairs of the house, but stopped more than two years ago

He got caught up spending more and more time in the garden, weeks, in fact

It now looks lovely, but now has grass which needs cutting - Not slumlord or renter friendly

The ONLY people who might have any interest in buying a mid terrace house between tenanted properties will be a landlord and that back yard will cost somewhere in the region of £5k to £10k to take back to slab/concrete/courtyard

There a 20 square foot patch of bare brick in the corner of my back room, signalling to anyone who visits that there is a massive issue with damp and it's been like this for TWO FUCKING YEARS

He found a place, a mid terraced house, but the vendors had to wait for probate

He refused to look for another place

He kept going and bought this dump, with the sale going through in 2024 - It was structurally unsound, near a school, so has parking issues, has antisocial neighbours, but since then he's been promising me that he's leaving

Three dates in 2025 have gone by and he's STILL here

One of the dates, he started shouting at me that I was being insensitive about the death of a guy who he had never mentioned before and he had to go to London to perform a few DIY tasks for his grieving widow

All the while, the space needed to sort the damp issue, make exploratory holes in the flooring to see the extent has been taken up with his hoard

The front room is filled with his tools, desk and chair, the second bedroom is filled with his stuff as well

I started this low paid job as I needed a break from the shift work which was slowly doing my head in

I took a £1k a month pay cut to have regular hours

I worked on small pieces of salvaged furniture, I have an interest in sewing and embroidery and bought an expensive scanner for all the family photographs which I intended to digitise for the rest of the family

All these plans have been turned to shit

The fabrics and thread are inaccessible due to them being locked away in the spare bedroom - more than likely being eaten with moths

The scanner is up and out of reach, there is nowhere to lay it out to operate it

The front room, where the furniture used to be worked on is now hoarded out with tools

I have removed the dining table in the back room to create space - It's now used for drying laundry

Better yet, I am allergic to a variety of foodstuffs which Middle Brother insists on cooking - My own kitchen is inaccessible to me and he sees nothing wrong with this

I have told him to leave - HE refuses and has taken advice from his son to say this is correct

Sum total of the legal argument is "But he'll be homeless"

He insists that the work he's done has more than paid for his rent AND all bills

Yes, reader, in case you're still here, he has not paid any of the bills aside from three months, when he showed willing, all the while piling more stuff up in the house

He does have a storage unit

I have lost the single person's council tax discount and I am paying increased gas and electric bills

I have taken paid legal advice and been told that as he has done some work to the place he may have a beneficial interest in a house I have owned for decades

I have gone into "petty mode"

I have stripped the gas hob and oven of everything to make them useable - Gas consumption has dropped to the point that some days, the standing charge is higher than the cost of the gas used on a daily basis

He then insisted that the washing machine wasn't rinsing properly and started to do two washes - One for the wash and one for the rinse - of course the electricity went up

I removed the machine drawer - A friend at work is looking after it for me

To me, the storage and laundrette costs are more than the cost saved, but I am petty as fuck

Middle brother has now bought an electric hob and his own microwave

Taking up more fucking space and using more electricity

Matters are not helped by the state of his house

During the early Spring, when family visited from all over, he took us on a "tour" of the house

We could stand in the front room, look up and see the underside of the roof

When I challenged him during one Saturday in July about the state of my finances and when he was moving out he gave me an instruction to wear solid shoes and he would take me over to see the state of the place

Sunday morning he confessed that he has spent months digging a hole and there was so little progress on the house that I would notice

He bought such a fucking garbage patch that a well, you know, a water type well, outside his kitchen door has been leaking and damaging the foundations

He had been digging out the well by hand and performing groundworks outside the house after taking advice

And the foundations need to dry out,

And he has to create a soakaway

And the house cannot be moved into

I am beyond fucking livid

This parasite is leeching off his poorly paid and increasingly disabled sister, forcing her to eat out of packets due to his selfishness in the kitchen and he is on side quest after side quest

Electric bike, well, garden etc

Even in his own house, because he has no front garden, he can't park a skip on the road due to the parking issues around the school - A huge portion of the rubble from the works is in 'cages' around the garden, forming building blocks for walls

He has no bathroom or kitchen and this will remain so for some time

Instead of working on the house today he's got a "van job"

I had to take a day off to let the BG Boiler man do his annual survey, hence this rant

The people at work area aware of my predicament - I have two half joking offers of help to dispose of his corpse should I kill him

We worked out I needed two volunteers, because he has two vehicles. They are both dog owners and know remote spots to dispose of the vehicles and his corpse

We jokingly planned it all out, utterly deadpan

I have been referred to safeguarding on the grounds of financial abuse, their referral upwards failed to progress as there are plenty of others in greater need than me and my case was not considered severe enough

The police were useless - "Well, have you told him to leave?"

My paid legal advisor told me he may have a beneficial interest in the house

A house I have owned and lived in for over two decades

What can I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Millytante · 28/08/2026 21:58

Heronwatcher · 28/08/2026 20:10

If it’s the back door, just get a couple of bolts and a security chain, put them on, and let yourself out of the front when you leave.

On the one hand he’s obviously a massive piss-taker coming in when you’re at work, on the other hand the less he has there the better as it means you’re one step closer to getting rid of him completely.

I would seriously consider some kind of camera though in case he nicks something from you or damages something. It might also act as a bit of a deterrent too.

It'd be money well spent anyway, for a woman living alone. (Some good effect on house insurance too?)

You never know what kind of characters he’s got in his social midst, what with his general bent for squatting in other people’s houses.
He may have given your address to randoms met during this strange period of dereliction, assuring them his sis would see them right.

Also, it sounds like your neighbours are easily swayed to work against your interests, so they too might carry out ‘errands’ for him.
Cameras would give you such a sense of control, and therefore peace of mind.

Gingernaut · 28/08/2026 22:12

Catza · 28/08/2026 21:28

If you are leaving the house tomorrow (to get a new lock!!), leave the key in the back door so that it can't be opened from the outside.

Did that.

The keys unlock the door independently

It clearly doesn't matter whether the key is in the back of the door or not

OP posts:
PrizedPickledPopcorn · 28/08/2026 22:19

You definitely need to record this and consider reporting to the police.

I don’t know how a lock can work if the key on the other side is still in, though.

Millytante · 28/08/2026 22:28

Gingernaut · 28/08/2026 22:12

Did that.

The keys unlock the door independently

It clearly doesn't matter whether the key is in the back of the door or not

In that case, though it is odd, install a chain as everyone is advising, along with a new lock. Until that entrance is secure, you are vulnerable to his tactics. Honestly, I’d go so far tonight as to shove a heavy item of furniture up against it, (key in, all the same). Leave it there til the locks are installed!

But tonight, I hope you'll just luxuriate in the peace of your own home at last. Bliss! 🌤️🍾 🪴
If funds permit, a new duvet cover set (Primark are not to be sniffed at for cotton bedlinen, for example) might be a useful present to yourself, signifying all the satisfying redecorating plans you will enjoy in the fullness of time.

Bloody well done; a magnificent show of personal force.
Bet that’s got them all chattering! Ha. Let ‘em. Even St Peter and King Solomon would agree that you have been entirely morally justified in everything you’ve had to do. 👏🏼

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/08/2026 22:42

Ahhh yeah I guess you're right.

Still, he's now removed his important stuff, he can have a reasonable time frame which you've already given him, to remove the rest.

Deadbolts on the back door which if you have the bits is not a big job.

Most of all though, congratulations, he is gone and even if the arsehole snuck in today, you've won - he's out, and you can now keep him out. And he's blocked you so even bigger win, you never have to speak to him again! :D

WonderfulSmith · 28/08/2026 23:25

Put something heavy or awkward in front of the back door to stop him.

WWomble · 29/08/2026 03:09

Congratulations on reclaiming your home.

I am a little surprised you didn’t change all the locks. While you still need to change the back door lock I would also get a security cam - and place it obviously in sight of the back door, maybe even with a notice on the back door reminding your brother that he no longer has a right of access to your property, the door is under surveillance and the footage being remotely recorded and monitored. Then be prepared to give any footage to the police.

UpDownAllAround1 · 29/08/2026 09:12

You really need to change the back door lock. Don’t understand why not done tbh

Breadcat24 · 29/08/2026 09:24

@Gingernaut while it might be easy for you to change the lock on the back door, why not buy a couple of bolts as well- very easy to put on and added security.
Also remind him ( and the fuckwitted neighbour) that if he enters the property without your permission he is committing a crime.
Edited to say sorry this has already been recommended. Good luck anway

Networksecurity · 29/08/2026 10:49

It may be beneficial to put a note into your neighbours doors & tell them that your brother no longer lives at your house.
That if he enters your garden or property again, you will be contacting the police.

It is not necessary to tell them the whole story.

Your home should be your safe place.

UpDownAllAround1 · 29/08/2026 11:04

Tell/inform brother to get a mail
redirection to his place

Gingernaut · 29/08/2026 11:46

The door is one of those uPVC doors - effectively made of plastic

Screwing bolts to it is not going to end well.

It's weird.

Having ADHD and having so much to do is hard work

I'm crippled by indecision about what to do first, next and last

I'm loving the quiet without his fucking radio burbling through the house everywhere he goes

The spare back door key was posted through the letter box this morning

OP posts:
Gribouille · 29/08/2026 12:03

It must be difficult with ADHD, and I bet he scrambles your thoughts pretty badly too - that radio noise alone would madden me! And you're in a high-tension situation, so don't be hard on yourself - create and relish a new calm without him.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's copied that key, though...

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 29/08/2026 12:03

That’s a joy. It’s ok to take a moment and enjoy it.

Are there any safety issues- locks to keep him out, holes to cover, piles to rearrange? If so do them first and don’t think about anything else.

Something that freezes me is trying to get everything right and efficient first time. Don’t go to the shop until I know for sure I won’t need anything else tomorrow.
Don’t do that. Workmen don’t do that. They nip out and get what they need right now. And that’s ok.

UpDownAllAround1 · 29/08/2026 12:04

great progress to peace. Still
would change the back door locks - no idea if he has copied the key and given to Tom, Dick
and Harriet

Hohumbrumbrum · 29/08/2026 12:33

Gingernaut · 29/08/2026 11:46

The door is one of those uPVC doors - effectively made of plastic

Screwing bolts to it is not going to end well.

It's weird.

Having ADHD and having so much to do is hard work

I'm crippled by indecision about what to do first, next and last

I'm loving the quiet without his fucking radio burbling through the house everywhere he goes

The spare back door key was posted through the letter box this morning

Edited

Is this his back door key that he returned?
It's entirely possible he got a copy made before returning it.

I would definitely change it if possible.

Taytocrisps · 29/08/2026 13:05

@Gingernaut I only saw your thread today, but I'm so pleased that you've finally managed to evict your nasty bullying brother. I hope your fortunes change and you can find the money somehow to do the work necessary to turn your house into a lovely home (or sell it and move to a better area). But for now, enjoy the luxury of a peaceful home, without the presence of your brother spoiling your peace of mind. And you'll have more space too, now that he has removed some of his possession.

As for the family members who tried to bully you into housing him for longer, they should be ashamed of themselves Angry.

Breadcat24 · 29/08/2026 13:24

@Gingernaut
Could you use one of those hotel room security devices
I know it is a faff and more expense for you but it would be satisfying to keep the bugger out
Portable Door Lock Stopper Jammer For Home Hotel Security Travel Device NEW | eBay UK

Portable Door Lock Hardware Safety Security Tool Home Hotel Travel | eBay UK

CruelsummerTS · 29/08/2026 16:33

Might be too late but if you could, maybe shove something heavy against the back door while you pop out for a new lock.

good luck and well done.

nonevernotever · 29/08/2026 16:46

Oh well done you. I've been watching your thread for ages and am so relieved that you now have your house (mostly) back, and the rest is in train.

toadinthewotsit · 29/08/2026 16:55

Those PVC doors can be opened by using a screwdriver in the lock OP, if you have the funds I would get new doors installed front and back, with mortice locks and deadbolts.Or at least ask for a home visit from the police for safety advice, and make sure you tell them what he's been up to.Well done. 😎Please make sure he hasn't stolen anything or even put in hidden cameras.

Millytante · 29/08/2026 18:08

toadinthewotsit · 29/08/2026 16:55

Those PVC doors can be opened by using a screwdriver in the lock OP, if you have the funds I would get new doors installed front and back, with mortice locks and deadbolts.Or at least ask for a home visit from the police for safety advice, and make sure you tell them what he's been up to.Well done. 😎Please make sure he hasn't stolen anything or even put in hidden cameras.

Yes indeed, that door is very worrying, brother or no brother. Other predators lurk out there, as we all know.
OP, not to intrude too far but you have written about your financial circs and though you aren't lavishly paid, you do have a couple of advantages you should consider exploiting immediately, because the rainy day for which you’ve left them untouched is upon you right now. Or it could well be, if you leave undone a few essential shoring-up tasks on your house.
Solidify and strengthen this asset right now, and it’ll pay you back in spades in the future, not least in the peace of mind you’ll enjoy immediately.
No more emergency panics and paralysing worry. That’s a boost to mental and physical health that alone is worth the investment.

So, I wondered would you either take out a small loan against the house from the bank, to pay for solid wood doors front and back, and window locks (and any minor remedies too, such as wonky flooring/ paths endangering your knee?)
Or, if you don't fancy a loan, dip into that inheritance money.
You say you must leave it for the future, but it’s right now which is in serious need of money, and new doors would not use up much of this, anyway.

It’s essential to allow yourself flexibility in these things, and not to cling to ideas you yourself have mentally written in stone.
By slightly changing your attitude to your inheritance money, you are not endangering the future or betraying any solemn promise. (It’s not like it is to go on cocaine and fast women, after all!)
You have the money, or you could very easily borrow it from your bank, and this is exactly what your money is for.
To ensure your security, independence, and comfort. Be kind to yourself, and permit it.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/08/2026 18:12

I would be putting anything he has left outside. I would tell him if he ever enters the property without permission you’ll report him for breaking and entering.

bridgetreilly · 29/08/2026 19:05

Well done, OP, this is brilliant to read. You can change that other lock and clear out the rest of his junk. And your house is your home again. Enjoy.

Gingernaut · 29/08/2026 23:05

I'm beginning to suspect 'D'B let himself in via the loft hatch with the help of a friendly neighbour

The back door was where he might have let himself out.

Bolts for the two loft hatches needed

OP posts: