Mother to a ds with adhd and wife to a husband with adhd here.
I think modern society, and specifically sedentary desk work and classrooms, is an ill fit for those with adhd. The people with adhd would have been the ones who, centuries ago, were the fastest, strongest, quickest thinking and most capable of reacting to threat. The problem arises when people who are primed for action are forced to sit still and fit a new mould, or are taught in a one size fits all way.
Dh (56) is a prime example. Hated school, wasn't particularly disruptive or naughty, just nothing really 'stuck', so he assumed he was a bit 'thick'. He was told to try harder - by everyone - when the reality was that he was already trying far harder than anyone else. After all this criticism, he came to believe it was a 'him' problem, so he self medicated. Left school with nothing, no qualifications. Managed to make a life for himself after a stint in the RAF (which he loved), got some qualifications, got a desk job. Spent the next 25-years being miserable in that desk job. A year ago, I suggested he do something completely different and he applied for the Prison Service. He absolutely loves his job and wishes he'd done it decades earlier.
Ds (15) is bright and capable but underachieving academically - MTGs a couple of grades higher than his predicted. In sports and practical subjects he excels though. He's on medication to help with attention and focus going into Y11, but the reality is that once he's through the academic side of things, I'm encouraging him to do something active that will suit his skillset and enable him to drop the meds. He'll still need to continue to learn strategies to help address his executive function weaknesses but I'm determined not to force him down a route that just isn't right for him.