AIBU to add man I met at a conference?

[LoisLaneKent]

I've been co-hosting a conference where I study as a mature student but somehow I've never met this guy despite the fact he works in the department. We first met on the coffee break and I felt an immediate feeling of warmth and a spark.

When I saw him again later, I realised I really fancied the look of him (I never fancy anyone). Then he seemed to be hanging around next to me so I struck up conversation. We were then told to get into small teams for this game thing so we stuck together.

We spent over an hour walking about the grounds in sunshine being good teammates (although we didn't win but oh well!). We laughed so much and had a great time. It made me think of the early days where you're first enjoying someones company and I felt strong chemistry. Then he had to go back to work. And today was actually my last day working in that building!

I found him easily on social media because we both follow the uni department account. We have several friends in common. I'm wondering whether to add him to see what happens.

I'm in my 30s and my serious long term break up happened 14 months ago and I have been so heartbroken. It was bloody lovely to meet someone I felt that 'glimmer' for again today. The other part of thinks, maybe I shouldn't chase him and let it go/hope I'll meet someone another time?

I think this might be a good idea. See if he takes the bait because I think if he wants to chat enough/felt the connection too he will.

If not I have my answer! No harm no foul.

Go for it
A new friend at least if nit anything else.

This might be too indirect. Most men don’t do subtle. Make it very clear that you’re interested. Ask him to join you to see a movie or get ice cream.

She who dares wins.

A man would take a chance if he fancied a woman.

Why wouldn't you?!

You mean he would've taken action already? He was working the event so I kind of doubt it. His superior was floating around too so not that simple.

(not saying that means he fancies me btw, just saying I think he'd be cautious)

Women are allowed to ask men out - it’s not the 1950s.

@LoisLaneKent I mean that it would be likely that a man would do what you are unsure of.
Do go for it.

Man here. If I met someone at a work type event, and they sent me a friend request, I probably wouldn't think any more of it than the fact that everyone seems to do this these days.

Please don't think for one second that he is likely to recognise this as being a signal that you are interested romantically.

Essentially, if you show up at his house naked, carrying beer he may well think "if I play my cards right, I could be in here".

Be prepared to be way more obvious than sending a friend request / following his Instabook or whatever it is you young people do these days.

I do realise too that I am about 150 years old, so may not be representative of the younger members of my chromosome type.

Yes, thank you! This is exactly what I meant about men not doing subtle and needing to be very direct.

Many years ago, I asked a bloke out on an online dating site. Was it a bit scary? Of course it was.

We’ve been happily married for 29 years, and he’s been a brilliant husband and father.

lovely story @MissConductUS one thing I liked about him today was he ran out to do a lunch run when others were rush off their feet (and he was busy enough himself). and as we were walking around, he would bump into other staff and had a lovely way with folk.

@HappiestSleeping I suspect things haven't changed much with men regarding needing to be obvious. Just not sure if I'm ready to put myself out there that much yet. I'm doing so much better after break up but not sure. Need to ask myself how much I like him to take a risk?

But yes, today was really lovely. I felt amazing chemistry yet totally comfortable with him. I'll sleep on it and see.

@LoisLaneKent go with your gut instinct that he's one of the good ones; they are out there and worth taking a bit of a risk on. Seize the day.

I was 36 and divorced when I met my DH. You have to put yourself out there a bit, and if it turns out he's not interested that way, you will live to carry on. He sounds like a very sweet man. Take a chance.

Go for it, life’s too short to wait around. If nothing comes of it, at least you’ll know.

@LoisLaneKent stop over thinking this. He seemed lovely so just message him!!

You don't have to ask him out in the message. Just say you hope he wasnt too shattered from all that running round and can he let you know where he gets his endless energy from. Or just something light hearted.

You only live one life. If you find a connection then chase it. The worst that can happen is that he ignores you, but that's better than never knowing...

Don't get in your own way, add him and see what happens. Life is for living!

This happened to me once lol … I was a teenager from a rural Kent small town and we literally had one black child in the whole school so in my defence I hadn’t really met a gay man before … although looking back it was bloody obvious 🤣

Definitely add him. And report back.

Watching this thread. Faint heart and all that.

For gods sake, OP. Sleeping on it? Just add him already.