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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to add man I met at a conference?

44 replies

LoisLaneKent · Yesterday 20:26

I've been co-hosting a conference where I study as a mature student but somehow I've never met this guy despite the fact he works in the department. We first met on the coffee break and I felt an immediate feeling of warmth and a spark.

When I saw him again later, I realised I really fancied the look of him (I never fancy anyone). Then he seemed to be hanging around next to me so I struck up conversation. We were then told to get into small teams for this game thing so we stuck together.

We spent over an hour walking about the grounds in sunshine being good teammates (although we didn't win but oh well!). We laughed so much and had a great time. It made me think of the early days where you're first enjoying someones company and I felt strong chemistry. Then he had to go back to work. And today was actually my last day working in that building!

I found him easily on social media because we both follow the uni department account. We have several friends in common. I'm wondering whether to add him to see what happens.

I'm in my 30s and my serious long term break up happened 14 months ago and I have been so heartbroken. It was bloody lovely to meet someone I felt that 'glimmer' for again today. The other part of thinks, maybe I shouldn't chase him and let it go/hope I'll meet someone another time?

OP posts:
Topjoe19 · Yesterday 20:27

Do you know if he's single?

LoisLaneKent · Yesterday 20:30

Topjoe19 · Yesterday 20:27

Do you know if he's single?

No I didn't ask! There's no wife or girlfriend on his social media and he wore a ring but not on 'that' finger. But who knows.

He has also recently graduated as a mature student on a similar course so possibly a bit like me, refinding his feet in 30s again.

OP posts:
Chefpig · Yesterday 20:31

If you've left today and can take the potential rejection, go for it!

Moraxella · Yesterday 20:31

If you search for him enough maybe it will suggest you on his page and he will add you first!

BobblyJumperSleeve · Yesterday 20:32

Why not - go for it!

LoisLaneKent · Yesterday 20:33

Moraxella · Yesterday 20:31

If you search for him enough maybe it will suggest you on his page and he will add you first!

I was kind of hoping that 😂

the issue is his instagram is just his first name - like Madonna! So it will be obvious I've 'looked him up' so to speak. Or found him on our shared department channel which isn't the end of the world.

OP posts:
thesandwich · Yesterday 20:33

Why not? Nothing ventured…..

Goditsmemargaret · Yesterday 20:33

I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't. It's hardly a proposition so no potential rejection - for all he knows you add everyone you meet Add him and see if he strikes up a chat.

LoisLaneKent · Yesterday 20:34

I guess part of me can't believe he would be single because I've developed a belief every decent 30s guy is married or taken. But then I have a lot going for me and I'm single! I like to think. So it's possible...

OP posts:
Rooroobear · Yesterday 20:35

What have you got to lose? The worst he can do is say no! Go for it

Topjoe19 · Yesterday 20:35

Go for it!!! I hope it works out. I mean at least you'll know this way, you won't be forever wondering.

Lmnop22 · Yesterday 20:36

Go for it! If he’s attached then you made a new friend at least.

I fancy very few people in terms of first spark chemistry so I wouldn’t pass up a possibility of pursuing one of the few people I felt that with!

LoisLaneKent · Yesterday 20:36

Goditsmemargaret · Yesterday 20:33

I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't. It's hardly a proposition so no potential rejection - for all he knows you add everyone you meet Add him and see if he strikes up a chat.

It's mad I was imagining holding his hand/even kissing him by the end of the day. I've met so many men in the last six months but haven't felt that way for any, even those I got on with well.

Not saying anything will happen (relationship status pending too) but it felt like something. A feeling I don't get very often - every few years at most.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · Yesterday 20:37

Nothing ventured… go for it. And let us know!

LoisLaneKent · Yesterday 20:38

Lmnop22 · Yesterday 20:36

Go for it! If he’s attached then you made a new friend at least.

I fancy very few people in terms of first spark chemistry so I wouldn’t pass up a possibility of pursuing one of the few people I felt that with!

This is true! There was an instant click so I'd take a friend too. Or even starting that way.

OP posts:
LoisLaneKent · Yesterday 20:45

all that said, I still have my pride and think following him does look a bit like 'chasing' but oh well!

OP posts:
paddleboardingmum · Yesterday 20:46

Do it but try not to over invest in the situation as he may not be single or might not be heterosexual etc.

sweetpickle2 · Yesterday 20:48

LoisLaneKent · Yesterday 20:45

all that said, I still have my pride and think following him does look a bit like 'chasing' but oh well!

Relationships would never start if one person didn’t do some kind of chasing.

LoisLaneKent · Yesterday 20:49

paddleboardingmum · Yesterday 20:46

Do it but try not to over invest in the situation as he may not be single or might not be heterosexual etc.

all true, thanks. Although If he turns out not to be heterosexual I'll have another thing to worry about (faulty gaydar!).

OP posts:
SnippySnappy · Yesterday 20:52

Do it!!! And report back, obvs 😂

MindaBelinda · Yesterday 20:57

I 100% would. In the old days we’d have to make a move or possibly never see that person again. Sounds like it’s worth a try. I hope he’s single and keen!

oohgoodcupofteanicky · Yesterday 21:15

Can you add him on LinkedIn first and send a friendly chat via that so you can work out the vibe?

Newname17192864627 · Yesterday 21:16

I would follow him and then if he followed me back I would wait a bit to see if he messaged, if he didn't after a day or so I would post something on my story to see if he replied as I wouldn't want to message him first!

Newname29 · Yesterday 21:16

Go for it!

alcoholicsupport · Yesterday 21:22

Go for it! Is there anything you could ask him in relation to conversations you had? Like a follow up question or advice on something?