AIBU to add man I met at a conference?

[LoisLaneKent]

I've been co-hosting a conference where I study as a mature student but somehow I've never met this guy despite the fact he works in the department. We first met on the coffee break and I felt an immediate feeling of warmth and a spark.

When I saw him again later, I realised I really fancied the look of him (I never fancy anyone). Then he seemed to be hanging around next to me so I struck up conversation. We were then told to get into small teams for this game thing so we stuck together.

We spent over an hour walking about the grounds in sunshine being good teammates (although we didn't win but oh well!). We laughed so much and had a great time. It made me think of the early days where you're first enjoying someones company and I felt strong chemistry. Then he had to go back to work. And today was actually my last day working in that building!

I found him easily on social media because we both follow the uni department account. We have several friends in common. I'm wondering whether to add him to see what happens.

I'm in my 30s and my serious long term break up happened 14 months ago and I have been so heartbroken. It was bloody lovely to meet someone I felt that 'glimmer' for again today. The other part of thinks, maybe I shouldn't chase him and let it go/hope I'll meet someone another time?

Naaah girl, you can do it and what if he says no? The best part of all this is you got the giddy feeling again for someone. Which means you will again with someone else even if this one says no!

I know you had a break up 14months ago but I think this means your heart is ready to open up for new possibilities.

Also he may say yes and you date and he is a whacko! Who knows. Anything is possible. You just won't know unless you try.

Why? Don't get me wrong, I am very critical of Mumsnetters' double standards when it comes to male and female behaviour. However, I don't think that this would be wrong the other way around either, as long as OP doesn't push if this guy turns out not to be interested. I wouldn't be annoyed by a guy shooting his shot, even if I wasn't interested.

It's not really a super valid or helpful opinion, though. You are trying to make this into some kind of harrassment issue when it is clearly not that.

Sorry.. you have a point it was an ill thought out post and although it was my opinion I should have kept my mouth shut which is why I was encouraging when OP quoted me.

You don’t know that. My lovely DH is not for adding a woman / he wouldn’t want to come across as a creep. Go to meet a friend - friendship has to be the foundation of any decent relationship

Six stories? In one day?

You have nothing to lose by adding him

Well message sent. So it's done now either way!

And I do think you're right, @Twinkylightsg this clearly means I'm open to romantic possibilities again - this wouldn't have even been the case six months ago.

I need to think of that as a win right? 😀

Well done for sending it!

I was always told its better to do something and regret it than regret not doing something.

The worst he can do is not reply, in which case his loss and he wasnt as nice as you thought. Or he could reply and who knows if it might go somewhere...

Well done!

Care to share a bit about the message?

I’m so proud of you. I know that wasn’t easy.

100% a win!

Also not saying you didn't have a lovely time with this guy but right now you are focusing on the potential what ifs of a lovely next time. You might meet up with him again and he gives you the ick or he is actually nice. Who knows, all I am saying is don't put so much pressure on wether he says yes or no or how it goes, just enjoy your life and what may be may be. You have definitely come to the point you are open to something and that in itself is exciting ! 😊

Eagerly awaiting and update @LoisLaneKent. I can see how your brain would mangle the following situation with the 23yr old, but at the end of the day that's just a lot of assumption without actually knowing anything.

Indeed, although I completely empathise with @LoisLaneKent . When you're in that mindset, you tend to get very nervous and read too much into everything. ABBA said it best 'I wasn't jealous before we met/Now every woman I see is a potential threat'. It's new crush energy and very understandable.

Yes, hence me saying I can see why her brain would mangle it!

It could be that the 23yr old is very social media connection savvy and connects with tons of people that she meets professionally!

Hi everyone! He replied. He said he had a lovely time together too, asked me a couple of questions (which I think is good - continuing to chat) and said some other things related to the conference.

No asking me out though, so not sure. Certainly a very warm reply though :)

That's great. I'm assuming that you didn't suggest a meetup in your message to him, which is understandable. And yes, he's definitely interested, but perhaps a bit unsure about your level of interest.

It's fine to message for a bit, but if you let it go on too long without meeting in person, the whole thing may go stale. If he doesn't ask you out in the next round of messages, you should ask him. Don't call it a date; just suggest an activity.

You mentioned in the beginning that he seemed a bit shy. He may just need the little push of you suggesting something - a museum and coffee, whatever. You've come this far, and it looks good. You just need to manage it to the next stage.

Just read your thread, OP. How lovely! I can imagine how giddy you must be feeling, it’s been far too long since I experienced this. Wondering what you said to him?

Sounds a good response to me!! Keep the chat going then you could casually suggest meeting for coffee if he gets time in his hectic schedule...

Aww, how lovely. I’m glad that this encounter lifted you and awoke something inside you! I’d say that if there is no chance of bumping into him in person, then absolutely get in touch some other way. Nothing to lose. Best of luck!

Oops sorry, just read your update.

He might also be feeling cautious and wondering about overstepping. But there's nothing wrong with chatting to get to know each other a bit.

Thanks all! I think he is interested but maybe cautious. I mean I'm not 100% but have a sense.

For now I'll keep chatting as he's opened the door for that. Then I'll try (!) to be brave and invite him to coffee or an event.

I'm delighted a connection wasn't all in my head :) Not to get ahead of myself but when I saw him the other day, it was like time stopped. Such a strange but powerful feeling. Glad I followed my gut.

I'm really excited for you! Good for you for putting yourself out there.

I will say the thought of falling in love again is still a bit scary after the last experience. The thought of going on a date is ok, but it's having faith in the next part again I need to get on board with.

I know it's such a platitude, but do try to take each stage at a time. Don't think ahead too much, just try to stay in the moment.