AIBU to not see friend one to one anymore?

[TheOnlyWayIsYazz]

I have a long-term friend, Mandie, who still lives in the city we grew up in. I go back around every six weeks to two months, and she's always keen to meet up.

Mandie has always been a "living for the weekend" type, so as soon as Friday night hits, she's out. However, while her brain still thinks she's 21 and can do a big night on both Friday and Saturday, her body thinks otherwise, and she often ends up on the sofa on the Saturday as she's too tired/hungover to go out again.

The problem is, if I go home, she wants to come out with her on Fridays. This doesn't work for me, as it means either going out straight off the train and getting back to my parents' house really late, or dashing back there, dumping my bags and going straight back out - neither of which are very fair on my parents, who I've actually gone to see! So I've said I can meet on Saturdays.

However, a couple of times now she's bellyached about meeting on Saturdays because she wants to go out on the Friday. I've told her there's nothing to stop her doing both, but I get the whole "Awwh, but you know what I'm like" routine. Then the last couple of times we've agreed to meet on Saturday, she's cancelled last minute with "a touch of flu" or "an upset stomach". (Funny she never gets these on a Friday...)

As such, I only invite her out now if I can include her in existing plans. I invited her out with other friends a few months ago and she responded "I'd prefer it if it was just the two of us". I said I couldn't do that as I'd made plans. I did the same this weekend and got "Not up for meeting with a whole crowd. Would LOVE to meet up just the two of us".

Now I've had a message this morning saying she's been thinking about it and that it feels like I never want to see her one on one anymore, and that she's upset. It's not that I don't want to - it's that I never know if she'll actually turn up. My time at home is precious. I want to see my family, other friends. I can't afford to block time out for someone who doesn't bother. It wouldn't kill her to have a few Fridays off a year!

Should I message back and say as much?

Yes, you should! Just a simple " every time I've tried fora one-on-one you've cancelled".

Then give her one more chance?

I agree you’re as inflexible as she is, also you seem quite snooty about her going out drinking.

Wanting to see your parents doesn’t trump her wanting to go out just because you deem one more morally acceptable than the other.

Yes she could make the odd Saturday, but you could make the odd Friday too. If neither will compromise then the friendship has run its course.

You speak about Mandie in such a condescending manner. Let me guess, you have moved to London/another major city and you expect your friends to roll out the red carpet for your sporadic visits back to your provincial hometown and do exactly as you please. Your disdain for her is so evident; you clearly judge her drinking and lifestyle and seem to deem yourself as morally superior for wanting to have a wholesome night in with your parents. Almost as though you are sooo above her and have grown out of shock horror drinking after work on Friday. You don't like her at all, so why do you even bother?

But she wants to go out Friday! You want to go out Saturday! Just take it in turns. As a parent and a daughter I’d have no problem with my child dropping bags and heading out. I’ve done this loads of times with my parents and siblings. My siblings come to see me for a weekend and drop bags after a commute to meet their friends (or keep them on them and head straight out), I’ve never even considered it an issue.

She can do all the things you’ve suggested, every alternate weekend you see each other. Why can’t you do something with your parents on Saturday instead? You’ll have the whole day and evening with them. You both have a different preference for which days you want to go out. I don’t think either trumps the other.