AIBU to feel too frightened to walk my dog after this?

[Felixfox]

I have a German shepherd. I specifically chose a German shepherd because I thought people wouldn’t mess with me. Long story short, this guy stalked us for an hour on a near deserted common with woodland etc. I was on the path back to the car park and just happened to notice him dip behind a large hedge, about 75 metres in front of me. I waited for 10/15 minutes. Eventually I thought to myself, no way did I see that, and started up the track. A few seconds later he came out, stood in front of me for a few seconds (at a distance) and then disappeared into the heather and trees. I could not believe it. He had been waiting for me. I called the police and was beside myself. Occasionally, I would see him peer out from behind tree. After what seemed a long time they turned up but they never found him. I don’t know what to do. I am terrified every time I take my dog for a walk. I have had therapy which didn’t really work. I feel so angry and stuck. How dare he do this to me? Advice PLEASE!!! X

But you didn’t see him the first time!

I had an incident where I was on a dog walk on a quiet path in the woods when a guy came passed me wearing a balaclava on a quad bike. ( prohibited in these woods ). He had a good look at me and then got off the bike ahead of me. I did a quick duck into another route and then hid when he came back. I was pretty nervous and I was formerly a police officer so not particularly namby pamby. In reality I don’t think he was after me I think he was just riding his bike and couldn’t go further with it on a narrow path and turned back. But when they’re wearing a balaclava and looking at you repeatedly then that feels sinister. My dog is a rescue and a complete softy and I’m doubtful that she’d even run for bloody help let alone protect me.
Afterwards I posted on my local dog walking page and gave that route a swerve for a while. It pisses me off that I feel the need to do that but it’s a bit of a way from the main routes. I think in your situation I would have called the police because that sounds more intentional. It does sound opportunistic though rather than targeted if that makes any difference to you. He wasn’t after you specifically he was looking for “ a woman”. I’m sorry you had that experience and we shouldn’t have to have these conversations .

Yes but funnily enough the couple described him to me!!

Seems odd that someone would be in the middle of the countryside looking to stalk women, thats normally the safest place as there are less women to stalk, could they be local or known to you?

no, but you can carry deepheat incase you need some after your walk!

Not what I meant.

You didn’t OBSERVE someone following you the first time, so good chance you wouldn’t observe the second time if someone is being sneaky.

Excellent idea athough the last 2 cans I bought the spray mechanism stopped working after a couple of uses.

i had a similar encounter but I was being overtaken by a bike that then slowed down for me to over take down country lanes at dusk, Id been filming at the time so when I clocked he was following me I made a big thing about getting the camer out and talking as though I was doing a live stream, the diverted and went the other way.

she would however be more observant to her surrounds so there would be a very good chance she WOULD see someone if it happend again,

Is it?
Lots of people keep dogs as visual deterrents it’s hardly unusual.

As someone who lives and walks rurally I feel more confident wandering in the middle of nowhere with a GSD.

Agree with much of the advice already shared but you also need to report this to the police op. That goes for anyone else who experiences something like this too.

The OP did report to the police. They couldn’t find the man.

@Ophy83 ”One to attach to the dog and the other for spinning/circling around to stop anyone getting near you.”

that won’t stop anyone getting near you

I had a vaguely similar experience, walking my 2 dogs (lab & spaniel) in the woods. I can't describe the fear I felt at the time - I was on alert anyway, as this was just after the artist Claire Knights had been murdered while walking her dog.
I was wandering along v slowly as my lab was old & slow when I realised I was being followed by a man. I'd seen him sitting in his car in the car park when I'd arrived - he'd stayed in his car the whole time I parked up & unpacked the dogs and then started my walk.

He didn't fit with people I normally see in those woods (joggers, dog walkers). He was wearing all black, with a back hat, and a rucksack. He also didn't pass me (would expect him to pass me, not keep pace with an ancient plodding labrador). Then he disappeared for a bit, and I thought phew, he's gone off an another path. But then 5 mins later he was back walking a little bit behind me again.
My heart started beating crazily as I realised how vulnerable I was - there was no one else around - I can't out-run this man, I am highly unlikely to be able to fight him off... I got my phone out, but no one I could call (even the police) could have got to me in time if this man did anything. I just hoped that the 2 dogs would be enough of a deterrent.
So I stopped and made a big fuss of my Lab, said 'oh you're so tired, aren't you" put her on the lead, called the spaniel back, and then did a U-turn and walked back, facing up to and then passing man in black. I thought at least he'd have to make it v obvious to continue following me! I gave him no sign I was scared, didn't look at him or acknowledge him at all - and walked back to car - heart thumping the whole time.
I did make a note of his number plate, but really there was nothing to report to police, was there?
I haven't walked those woods alone since. I think about it a lot.
I carry one of those little spray cans of identifier paint that are sold on Amazon now when I walk in lonely places.
My sympathies, OP - I know how terrifying this sort of thing is. Rest assured, your GSD will be a deterrent in these situations - it may well have saved you that day.
I think getting your phone out and filming is a good idea - although it is confrontational. I went with the "not showing any fear" or the "not alerting the man that I'm scared" strategy and got the hell out of there.

The majority of dogs will not offer their owner any protection, and will most likely freeze or run away.

Do you have any PSA or security dog trainers near you? A shepherd that will bark on command would be an effective deterrent. A solid heel can also help with reactivity and the dog has a task to focus on.

Actually I think many, many women and girls get followed at some point. I was followed for quite a long time aged 12, had three different men lurk and then jump out and flash me as a teenager. Then followed a couple of times in my twenties (one of those times I was so scared as it was a group of men, that I approached a random man and asked to walk with him, no women around).
I then got flashed by another lurker in my thirties, who followed me first. I am older now and it hasn’t happened for some time, but I wonder if that is being middle aged, or because of where I walk and that I am so rarely walking alone ?

It’s so unnerving and the feelings linger. I too have wondered about a large protective dog !
I would try walking with a friend or finding a dog walking group, to get confidence back. Could you do advanced training with your GSD, so that she can channel her protectiveness ?
So sorry that this has happened to you op. I have young adult daughters and I am constantly afraid of dodgy men around them.

Thats awful.Op
How unsettling and strange behaviour...a local loopy?
Try and walk in a more populated area and or take someone
Always carry a phone
Can you try therapy again to build up confidence.
Did or will the poloce let you know of hes reported again.
I have tried to always be random in my walks and timing for loopys and safety.

I would hope that my dog would protect me but I wouldn't bank on it.

One thing that makes me feel safer is to walk with my metal walking pole. I hope the fact that I'm carrying a metal stick might make a potential attacker think twice.

Your dog is picking up on your anxiety, it can't see a threat but it knows there is one because your body language is telling it so. You will probably need some training from a dog behaviourist to change this and in the meantime need to walk the dog on well lit areas where you feel less at threat.
My dog would jump into my arms if she got scared, definitely no protection there.

Unfortunately, pepper spray is illegal in the UK. I carry this https://patrolstore.com/products/the-first-strike-k9-spray-tactical

A PP mentioned Claire Knights, and there was also Julia James. Both killed while walking their dogs. I don't live rurally or have a dog, but if I did, I don't think I'd feel at all safe walking it in lonely areas. Which is totally maddening.

While there are far fewer murders of women these days than there were in the seventies and eighties (I think), they are not zero, like they should be. As a society, I do wonder how we can identify the people who are at risk of going mental and doing something like this. I read that Claire Knights' killer had a score on one measure of mental health that was triple some of the other killer inmates in Broadmoor. (I believe that was from someone from the hospital who was speaking during the trial.)

I believe murder is a completely irrational act caused by horrendous mental-health problems, as opposed to someone being simply evil. So how can we do a better job of identifying people who have high potential to do something like this, and get help for them?

I suppose that would require a fully-functioning mental-health service, which we do not have. 🙄

It would really help if family members told GPs any worries they might have about their relative, and if GPs had a way to act on that. Maybe involuntary committal for assessment purposes should be much easier to do. It could be of a limited time. I'm thinking of the horrendous case in Nottingham where the two student, Barnaby and Grace, were murdered, along with an older man. Because I gather that that killer's family had a lot of concerns about him but there wasn't really any avenue for help, him being an adult.

But of course, we would need more MH wards/hospitals to facilitate holds for assessment, and Thatcher got rid of all that and put "Care in the Community" in place. 😡 Otherwise known as "We don't give a flying fuck about the mentally ill and we're not going to pay for their treatment and care, so we're going to throw them out on the street and both them and society will have to take their chances." 😡😡

I think MH services are needed more than ever, because society's MH overall has taken a huge dip with social media and devices in general running our lives.

Sorry for the essay. It's just the lack of MH services upsets me. It's a hallmark of an uncaring society, imo.

I dgaf if it's illegal. I have pepper spray and bear spray brought back from abroad. I'd much rather be prosecuted for using those than be dead. If I was being threatened and had good reason to use it, I don't think I'd get a huge punishment, esp since they don't cause permanent injury. And I'd rather take whatever punishment anyway than be dead. Let's put it this way: If a magical person said to me, "You can be murdered or you can spend five years in jail for using bear spray, and you have to pick," I know which one I'd choose! Defend yourself first, explain later, imo. I think more of us women should bring back this stuff from abroad, where other women are allowed these things to defend themselves. Crazy that we are not.

There aren’t far fewer murders of women now, compared to the 70s. A woman is killed every 2-3 days in the UK and that figure has been the same since the 70s.

I don’t really understand how a man hiding behind a hedge and looking at you has caused your previously friendly dog to suddenly become reactive. Yes his behaviour was weird but you said the dog did nothing at the time so it’s not adding up. I suggest you contact a dog behaviourist.

“Incidentally, I have goldens” of course you do. That’s why you’ve completely overreacted to OP wanting a GSD.