AIBU to feel too frightened to walk my dog after this?

[Felixfox]

I have a German shepherd. I specifically chose a German shepherd because I thought people wouldn’t mess with me. Long story short, this guy stalked us for an hour on a near deserted common with woodland etc. I was on the path back to the car park and just happened to notice him dip behind a large hedge, about 75 metres in front of me. I waited for 10/15 minutes. Eventually I thought to myself, no way did I see that, and started up the track. A few seconds later he came out, stood in front of me for a few seconds (at a distance) and then disappeared into the heather and trees. I could not believe it. He had been waiting for me. I called the police and was beside myself. Occasionally, I would see him peer out from behind tree. After what seemed a long time they turned up but they never found him. I don’t know what to do. I am terrified every time I take my dog for a walk. I have had therapy which didn’t really work. I feel so angry and stuck. How dare he do this to me? Advice PLEASE!!! X

@Felixfox sorry this happened. Sounds awful. I wouldn’t walk there again.

I wouldn't go to Mumsnet for dog advice. Especially with a dog like a GSD. Your dog is reacting to you. You both need training. Get a balanced behaviourist in your local area and work together until it’s resolved. You don’t have to stick with the first one you find as they may not work for you. I’d advise one that can do protection type work because it’s a protection type dog. Best of luck with it.

“But if you were, or something even vaguely similar, I’d be very grateful if you could share how you coped and are coping with it“

I’ve had incidents to cope with when walking alone, albeit without dogs, it’s been very unnerving, some things I do:

My strategies now, (which might sound ridiculous) depending on the location I add in varying camo print accessories (something small like a camo neck scarf) or even sometimes tactical looking leisure clothes in khaki/green - in areas that have been suspect.

Have also carried a cheap Amazon flourescent vest - to add if needed. It gives a subconscious message to men for them to think twice/not to mess with me/or wonder who or what I am/or if I am in a position of authority.

A walking pole sometimes.

I feel I can see how their minds are working, their body language gives them away - the difference between an innocent rambler who is on a defined route clearly walking from A towards B, or the man who isn’t walking in a straight line, is making eye contact with other people unnecessarily, on no defined route, no destination in mind….watching people - they do stand out.

I make myself force my shoulders back, so I look large and tank-like.

Also carry a rucksack (deliberately sporty/flouro/military - not floral) with a whistle attached. (Used my whistle to alert and protect a young woman who was being pursued along a cliff path - she was able to turn around and retreat safely).

I have pre-rehearsed statements - with both outstretched arms I will shout “get back” or “I’m Polis” whilst pointing at my chest, if abroad.

Can also be on your phone and saying out loud as you wave “yes, I can see you, can you see me” if you are for example close to the car park.

I might also have a loud fake conversation whilst pointing to my “earpiece” and say “yes, have you picked me up by drone…you’ve got me in sight?, I’m on track heading north” or random stuff - that implies you are not alone e.g. “Yes, I’m 2 minutes away”

”you don’t want to mess with me” - is an expression I have rehearsed but not yet used. My aim is to appear assertive, to make men pause and to doubt themselves and their actions.

Also had success either using a different language (eg Spanish language in Turkey - will throw people, enough for them to give up, you only need a few words) or even miming, pointing to ears, implying deafness once unwittingly worked.

This probably all sounds excessive and OTT, but are a result of actual situations I have found myself in (mostly in Europe to be honest).
Hope some of this is helpful - rather than alarming
(It’s irrelevant, but all fairly recent - I’m 70)

Also three friends who each, individually have had to assertively use the expression:
”DON’T GET CLOSE TO THE DOG” - with an appropriate hand gesture… is another idea that has worked.

Sorry you had such a scary experience - I've not had anything exactly like this but I have come across people making me uncomfortable on walks both rurally and when I used to live near a pub would often have to deal with drunk idiots.
I just make a point of varying my walks and routine so it's not predictable, make sure my phone has charge and is easy to access and while all my dogs are super friendly I've taught them all a bark cue so if someone is making me feel uncomfortable they'll bark on cue which is usually enough to put people off.
Although some people haven't suggested it very kindly in this thread it would be worth seeing a trainer to build your dogs confidence walking in busier places because you'd probably feel safer in those environments also.

If you’re someone who’s always switched on and ready to be ambushed at any moment, some kind of fighting/self defence or boxing class is good. Firstly because intense exercise helps with anxiety, secondly because it’s empowering knowing you know how to fight back if needed.

Sorry to hear this happened to you OP. Similar kind of thing happened to me…I was followed through a deserted park by a guy who turned out to be a flasher. Didn’t have a dog at the time, I do now though and walk her regularly by myself, she’s small and cute so no deterrent factor there! Anyway I just wanted to say that at first walking by myself was pretty scary, but with time the fear has faded away and now it’s fine. I did carry that gel identity spray around for a while which helped a little. As other pp’s have said it sounds like it would be worth getting some training with your dog so you can walk him in more populated areas again. Having to worry about him being reactive must be adding also to your anxiety/stress. All the best to you OP!

How did your dog react? Or did she not recognise the threat you felt? As a GSD owner, I think it is unusual for people not to be wary of this breed and I think you were just really unlucky on this occasion. You also don’t know what your dog would have done if the man had physically threatened you. Mine, who is a really gentle soul, would have reacted to protect me - but only at the point when the threat was really clear. As others have said, change where you walk and sadly, chalk it down to experience but don’t let it restrict you too much - most people are not going to chance it with a GSD! Horrible experience though.

This is a really good advice and one that I have also (inadvertently) used in the past.

Funnily enough people were more scared of my big Lab (soppy and friendly) than the spaniel (looked like a cuddly toy, but actually much more protective of me, and had, to my horror & embarassment, snapped at men he didn't know in the past).

Coming across a man on a walk without a dog, or not obviously a jogger or something, genuinely puts me on alert, and I would put my spaniel on the lead and explain he was a bit bitey with men he doesn't know, if he didn't have a dog to distract him. I found it kept men right away.

Second that this is great advice. I also had advice from a Police Dog Handler who said that when they are handling dogs in confrontational situations, they lift the dogs off their front legs (by their harnesses) as it makes it look like the dog is ready to attack and is a very effective visual deterrent. Doesn’t bother the dogs one jot but looks scary!

I also got followed a few times in my teens, first around 11 years old. Not sure I ever ‘got over it’, why should we? It gave me a lifelong dislike of men and why shouldn’t it. Women give every single one of these murderous beasts life and look how they repay us. One in particular I remember now, I had dogs with me and they were the only reason I wasn’t in plain blind terror panic.

I think I’ll pick up some deep heat tomorrow, I’m getting old and need it now. I wish I knew some women to form vigilante groups that would look out for young women specifically instead of those ‘street angel’ types who insist on looking after drunk male apes.

Yes, brilliant advice @Mumwork I would further add that just having an illusion of a well-trained dog is enough.
I lost my lovely ancient Lab a couple of years ago - and got another rescue Lab. She is a trained gun dog, and walks to heel beautifully, even off lead, and has amazing recall. I see people looking in awe at this incredibly well trained dog that responds well to my every command. And it's not even my training... just the life of a gun dog, and I'm fortunate enough to look after her in her retirement.
I would now, without hesitation, put her on lead, and do the rearing up thing if I felt threatened on a walk.

That's incorrect. According to the Office of National Statistics, there are way fewer murders of women now than in the Seventies. The data below that quotes the 48 and 30 percentages is on a Government report from 2020 entitled "Trends and Drivers of Homicide." That's the source in the Gov link next to that data.

ETA: You might be thinking of the murder of women by intimate or ex-intimate partners. That figure has stayed stubbornly the same since the Seventies, according to Femicide Census. But the overall figure has come down a lot. Doesn't say much for relationships or for men, does it. Greater numbers than before are able to stop killing stranger women, but male violence against female romantic partners hasn't budged. Men are so fucking weird.

Owning a big dog is a responsibility, no matter the breed. Having a dog as powerful as OP does is even more so. It’s not an overreaction to be horrified that someone got a dog, as a weapon, and has completely damaged it. OPs dog is lunging at everyone she sees. How is me seeing that as an issue an ‘overreaction’?

OPs a danger to herself and others with an out of control dog that she has fucked up. Imagine being a dog owner who goes from having placid dog to an aggressive dog and not caring? She’s everything that gives dog owners a bad name.

But guess its okay as OP has that weapon she wanted…

Just a thought -

Is the man looking to steal your dog @Felixfox ?

Are you quite a nervous person in general? Its an odd reason to choose a dog breed so ‘people wont mess with you’

You shouldnt have to of course, but is there any possibiliyy of driving a bit further to another area where theres still countryside but more people. This msn definitely sounds dangerous. I know it's a pain but it's not worth the risk. And dont ever go back there tginking he's bound not to be there any more because men like that can be relentless.

Get some training with your dog. Find a local trainer who can address all the issues (such as reactivity) and your objectives (eg being safe from weird stalkers).

You both need training - together as a unit, and possibly separately too… it’s a question now of finding the right trainer, then putting the work in.

Oh give over FFS. Women who get a dog knowing they will have to walk it alone in a remote area, are perfectly reasonable in picking something on the larger side, that doesnt make it a 'weapon'. OP is anxious due to what she experienced, something you've failed to even acknowledge (other than to point out how you're so much better because you wouldn't have been scared - what a twattish thing to say) despite it being an incredibly scary situation. The dog is clearly picking up on that, it doesn't mean the dog is now a messed up danger to the public, they just both need some help to recover - IT IS IN NO WAY HER FAULT.

Its amazing to me that yore more concerned about an anxious dog, than a dangerous, out of control male.

They are police dogs and guard dogs for a reason. If someone feels the need of protection from their dog, German Shepherd is a good choice.

We can't carry pepper spray. But, we can carry Deep Heat spray...for the odd muscle ache you may get on a walk.

Really? I think it is a very reasonable motivation to get one.

I didn't say I wasn't concerned about the man.

But as a dog owner, OP has a responsibility to have a dog she can properly train and control. Getting a dog for it's appearance whilst lacking the capability and competence to manage it is utterly foolish and it doesn't make me 'twattish' to point that out.

I'd love a Malinois. But I have neither the time, competence or capability to to the breed. Dog owners should cut their cloth according to their ability.

Rachel Nickel sadly attacked and killed on the Common with a child and a dog. Some people won't be out off.

I would never walk remotely on my own or with a dog. It's not safe and never was

Teach your dog a safe but off putting behaviour - v easy with a GSD to teach them to bark ferociously on a silent or sneaky cue (mine used to be 'hiya' said in a particular way, its not a word I use to greet people normally, he also had a hand signal for it)...

Because its a game and the goal is to perform it to get treats from you, there isn't a risk (as there is with actual protection training) that the dog would bite someone as a result of the trained behaviour.

Very few people would be stupid enough to get within touching range of a barking GSD.

Focus your walks on training - lots of games, rewards, sniffing out scattered treats... and vary where you walk too.

This will boost your confidence, give you something to focus on vs watching for creeps, which will relax you and in turn, her.

Varying where you walk is good for her and it means if there ARE any creeps it is much harder for them to find you as your walk routes are unpredictable. Even varying which way round you do a circular walk helps.

Do loads of classical conditioning - treats for seeing/hearing all sorts of movements/noises, so she feels good and wants to look to you on hearing/seeing anything. I see people attempting this and getting it wrong with reactive dogs all the time though - you are NOT looking for her to see/hear something - shut up - earn reward through being quiet.

You are aiming to directly pair the reinforcer with the potential trigger, and done correctly the underlying emotional response changes, and so the reactivity goes away.

If you're not feeling confident to go for a proper walk, popping out of the house for five/ten minutes to do some training and classical conditioning up and down your street or even right on the doorstep is just as useful, and you can do lots of those sessions in a day - its actually the first thing I recommend folks with reactive dogs do, before they attempt to try real walks again. By staying within a few metres of your home, you can always dive back to safety if she or you need to.