Moody part-time DP and his right to his “chilled days”

[Klokhet]

Just had a really shite argument and I wanna know if I’m in the wrong 😭

My DP (well I’ll hold the “d” for now) is a part time supply teacher, as in he picks up shifts when he wants to. I’d say he does on average 3 days a week. Obviously doesn’t work the half terms, Christmas, Easter or summer holidays.

I work full time. I have 27(ish) days annual leave. Obviously it’s not DPs fault I don’t have a lot of holidays but there we are.

He’s been off for last week and obviously this week. He did spend one day “tidying the house” (read, putting a wash on, and doing the dishes), but the rest he’s done what he wanted.

Work is a stressful environment at the minute, and I’ve told him so many times I want to leave, that I’m burnout, that I’m struggling. This morning I woke up 10 minutes before I had to leave the house. Work is non stop from the moment I get there.

I’ve just booked us a holiday for next week and I’m really looking forward to it, needed the rest. Booked it this morning on the way into work.

I get home tonight and the house is a tip - PlayStation on in the lounge, dishes everywhere, laundry bin overflowing… and a DP curled in bed fast asleep.

I admittedly was a bit off with him and asked why he hadn’t done anything around the house. He said “it’s my holidays” and “I needed to rest”. I told him I needed more support as I was running on absolute empty.

Then DP jumps up from bed, starts ranting and raving saying it’s holiday, he cleaned last week blah blah blah… and when I said there’s no need to shout, he said “I do what the fuck I want”. Followed by “I’m just evil aren’t I, I’m the bad guy”.

He did some performative cleaning, slamming things down. Told me to go and put the clothes he’d just folded up away and then went back to bed.

I’m sitting in the lounge and he’s continued to come in and out (slamming the door behind him) to get about 3 drinks in an hour 🙄

Aibu to expect a tidy house and maybe even, shock horror, a meal prepared whilst I’ve been out at work for 10 hours, and he’s just been chilling? Or is it his time to relax?

I work part time, my husband is full time with very long hours (he does pay all the bills) and I fully expect to do virtually all the household stuff. It is unacceptable for him to think it’s ok to have endless hours of lounging around when the house is a tip and you’re working. He’s got used to doing minimal hours and keeping the remaining hours, which would be at work hours, for nothing other than leisure. We’d all like that, but unless he’s funding a cleaner so the house is spotless or still paying at least half of all outgoings, he’s a selfish CF.

And having a chilled day once in a while is fine, but that diesn’t absolve you from basic tidying etc leaving the house in a pigsty state. His selfish reaction tells you everything.

Hes a lazy git.

I will no longer tolerate men like this in my life. Im worth more than being some no hoper's drudge.
Dont have kids with him.

He has no reason to be only working part time he is clearly selfish and very lazy you are gaining nothing from being with him

I'm assuming he's a teenager or something?

There's nothing less attractive than a man child who games instead of living.

Seriously you need to raise the bar here. He's a lazy scruff who thinks you should wipe his arse when he can't be bothered. Why do you want to put up with that?!

Lazy bastard. I would find this incredibly unattractive. Do not marry this man. Do not have any children with him. You’ll be left to do everything.

Absolutely. This man is arrogant and selfish, but also insecure and cannot take criticism. He will always frame himself as the victim.

He is not a team player, and if you show any sign of putting up with his behaviour he will double down and crush you into submission.

Leave. There are pleasant, caring men out there who will make your life better.

And the banging and clashing..
Its a form of abuse

Also the weaponised incompetence of not being able to clean and tidy

Get him a t shirt with "I cleaned last week." on the front and "I do what the fuck I want" on the back as his welcome to the society of cocklodgers and your house exit gift.

What a lazy asshole.

Do not have children with this man until he sorts his lazy ass out. You had every right to expect to come home to a clean house, the shopping done and a meal on the table.

When I worked and my husband was between contracts, he ran the house beautifully while cooking and looking after two children. (He is a football-loving chap who definitely drinks more than 3 drinks an hour!)!

Why does he not work full time at this age? He needs to be working towards a pension and saving for a house. There’s no reason to be part time while young (absent health issues or grief) except laziness. You don’t want to have kids with someone lazy, it’s a lot of work.

Get rid of the lazy selfish arse. Don’t be a mug OP.

He is behaving horribly and then making a big stink so you don’t question his laziness and anger in future. This usually gradually escalates on his side until you put up with more and more. The drinkng of 3 drinks in one hour is also a worrisome development as alcohol will only fuel his anger and lower his inhibitions towards physical abuse.

I really think he could he dangerous.

Just saying

If your partner is working and you're not then you have a tidy and get something in for dinner. Basic manners and wanting to support the person you love. Other there isn't much love being shown.

Leave. Honest to God just leave. I'm assuming you've no kids and he's this 'tored' there's no point to him

Oh just dump him OP.

I’m a full time teacher with two teenagers. The first week of the hols I mostly lazed around while internet shopping for stuff for our holiday. This week I’m deep cleaning the house in-between taking the kids here and there. He’s just lazy

Congratulations on getting yourself a cock lodger. Don’t tell me - you pay all the bills and 80% or the housework? Hopefully you’re the only one on the deeds/tenancy and can get rid easily. He is terminally lazy and he will not change.

OMG I can’t believe he actually tried to justify his lazy arse lifestyle

His response is abusive. Get rid while you can.

He sounds like a lazy, useless fucker.

I would end this. Do it safely and in a way that suits you. You don't need to just chuck him out on the spot if that doesn't work for you.

But you deserve a partner who cares about you and wants your life to be happy. He doesn't care if you are happy or not. And that's the dealbreaker.

I'm no longer a teacher, but I used to be.

Get rid, he's a lazy, selfish, manchild. His "holidays"? Adulting doesn't stop at the end of term.

Prat.

Very efficient 😞