Moody part-time DP and his right to his “chilled days”

[Klokhet]

Just had a really shite argument and I wanna know if I’m in the wrong 😭

My DP (well I’ll hold the “d” for now) is a part time supply teacher, as in he picks up shifts when he wants to. I’d say he does on average 3 days a week. Obviously doesn’t work the half terms, Christmas, Easter or summer holidays.

I work full time. I have 27(ish) days annual leave. Obviously it’s not DPs fault I don’t have a lot of holidays but there we are.

He’s been off for last week and obviously this week. He did spend one day “tidying the house” (read, putting a wash on, and doing the dishes), but the rest he’s done what he wanted.

Work is a stressful environment at the minute, and I’ve told him so many times I want to leave, that I’m burnout, that I’m struggling. This morning I woke up 10 minutes before I had to leave the house. Work is non stop from the moment I get there.

I’ve just booked us a holiday for next week and I’m really looking forward to it, needed the rest. Booked it this morning on the way into work.

I get home tonight and the house is a tip - PlayStation on in the lounge, dishes everywhere, laundry bin overflowing… and a DP curled in bed fast asleep.

I admittedly was a bit off with him and asked why he hadn’t done anything around the house. He said “it’s my holidays” and “I needed to rest”. I told him I needed more support as I was running on absolute empty.

Then DP jumps up from bed, starts ranting and raving saying it’s holiday, he cleaned last week blah blah blah… and when I said there’s no need to shout, he said “I do what the fuck I want”. Followed by “I’m just evil aren’t I, I’m the bad guy”.

He did some performative cleaning, slamming things down. Told me to go and put the clothes he’d just folded up away and then went back to bed.

I’m sitting in the lounge and he’s continued to come in and out (slamming the door behind him) to get about 3 drinks in an hour 🙄

Aibu to expect a tidy house and maybe even, shock horror, a meal prepared whilst I’ve been out at work for 10 hours, and he’s just been chilling? Or is it his time to relax?

He sounds like my ex. Selfish and horrible.

Why does he work part time? Hmm that’s a good question.
he told me at the beginning of our relationship it’s so he could gain a masters and was studying… this was then replaced by various side hustles that never paid off.

if I mention full time work he tells me to go part time.

He's being idle, obnoxious and behaving like a bratty teenager. Actually make that worse than my lazing teenager who at least doesn't make much mess around him and at least has the excuse of full time at school and recovering from autistic fatigue.

With supply (especially over the summer term when work tends to reduce demand) he should be able to keep up and avoid term-time backlogs, and teachers normally use their school holidays to crack stuff that gets procrastinated on when workload is high.

Cocklodger

If there’s no dc he’s looking after, he’s a lazy bastard. Happy to sponge off you without contributing in other ways. Show him the door. Nothing more unattractive than a lazy man.

Obviously YANBU!

Do you have children? I can see several posters have asked but not the answer

Go on the holiday on your own, and tell him you want him out/you're moving out when you get back.

Please end this. My friend stuck with this situation longer term, altho married, had two children. When the kids were teens he left her and rinsed her for everything - half her decent pension, half the house (although most of the yield from selling the house went on joint credit card debts that he had run up).

What does he actually bring to your life apart from obligation to past memories?

I think I might throw this one back OP

Honestly just LTB

He's a lazy fucker

And book a holiday before work?

Yup.

Sorry OP,

Can you cancel the holiday and kick him out ?

He’s a lazy twonk isn’t he?
Why do you put up with him?
Go on the holiday on your own and have a good think about how much better your life could be.

Fgs. Life is wayyyy too short for this shit! Throw this one back and find a grown adult man, not a man baby who can’t even work full time! It gives me the ick reading about the shit he pulls, or doesn’t pull. I’m sure you’ll be upset for about a day or two. I’m serious too!!

And put headphones on whilst he’s slamming doors.
Ignore him.

Assuming there are no children.
He's a lazy bastard.
There is absolutely no reason for him only working part time. Most of us manage to do a masters degree around full time work ( and children too) .
Do men like this not realise how utterly unattractive they are. No one wants to shag a bloke who makes them feel more like their parent than partner.
You can do better.

The poster who said it’s a holiday from work not life hit the nail on the head.

Waste of space. Enjoy your holiday without him

Is he pulling his weight financially? I just can’t see how this is working.

He sounds like a lazy prick. And the angry slammy reaction is horrible too. My DH works part time too (4d/w) but only normal a/l and v tiring job. I work a very hectic job about 6d/w. He does 75% of the housework - I cook most days because I like it but he preps the kitchen and cleans up after.
I'm always knackered on Saturday morning so have a lie in and wake up to spotless house, washing on, etc. When I go away for work and he tells me he's "cleaned the house" so it's nice when I get back, he means deep clean.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but although I appreciate my DH doing this I also think it's reasonable when I work more and longer hours.

ETA - can you take a friend on the holiday?

Can you afford going part time?

I wouldn't waste more tome on him tbh. I don't fanzy lazy amd childish men.

You are not his parent. He needs to pull his socks up and learn to be more considerate.

I got a shower and put clothes on? Then I booked flights in a taxi? What’s so hard to grasp?

I’ve got a couple days holiday from work this week.

Yesterday, I did two lots of washing, walked the dog, put the food delivery away, (morning), and in the afternoon sorted out paperwork, put clothes away, tidied up spare room, and in evening cooked a meal and took dog out.

Today, was kept busy all day as well doing housework etc. .

Hes a lazy cocklodger ysn’t he. Doesn’t want to work full time, but diesn’t pick up the slack at hive either. Cocklodger!

I’d be interested to know the split of bills also.