Is my ex being an entitled cock lodger ?

[Bingobango86]

Ex dp and i have decided to go our separate ways due to him being unable to stop bringing up issues we have had in the past and i have come to the realisation i do not need to be spoken to like this , we have 3 dc together and ex dp is also disabled for context, we currently private rent and exdp solution is to move into my dining room and has a grand plan of turning it into his bedroom complete with lots of luxuries- which he has taken great delight in sending me - AIBU to want him to f**k off?

It’s not you going to work but the thing is it’s nit your dining room your joint tenants and he can turn the dining room into whatever he wants

I think the best solution is to see if he register with housing as he’ll get points for being disabled
you also need to sort finances who contributes for what

Find a flat for you and the kids,

As others have said give notice and move is your best option

You need to live separately asap! Is would speak to your landlord about the tenancy agreement and if it can be transferred to your name only. Can you get him to leave?

Yes

Your separate ways need to be more separate than him in the dining room.

You need a proper discussion about who is moving out. He needs to start the process of becoming independent.

Have a cry if you want to, then remind yourself the end is in sight, you’ll be rid of him! Who gives a shit what he wants, where he wants to live or what he’d like you to buy him. Focus on you and the children. Where you want to live, what you need to do about staying or finding somewhere new, how brilliant life will be without him dragging you down.

You are still financially tied to him in this scenario.

This could affect your credit rating. Especially if he is spunking money like it's going out of fashion on Amazon.

He doesn't want to take responsibility for himself. He wants to freeload. You are paying for all those things on Amazon if he's not paying bills.

Get advice. Get him out or find somewhere else yourself. Living together isn't in your best interests.

Not only is it financially abusive it's also controlling as you won't have the freedom to do what you want.

People always say 'just kick him out' like it's an easy thing, as if it never occurs to people that the person might just say 'No thanks, im not going anywhere '.

Tell him you are not renewing the tenancy with him there no. Find a line you are happy with “we are splitting up, let’s work out a way to co-parent and live separately” repeat

And gets more so due to fragile male ego!

I do know at least one couple that have continued living in the same house although they are separated and quite happily. BUT - they both pay their own way. If one wants something for themselves they buy it themselves. If something needs doing to the house of they want to smarten it up they make the decisions and pay for it jointly, unless it within their own room in which case they pay for it themselves. They take joint responsibility for their child. She probably does more of the day to day stuff but that is because she wants to. There is never a problem if she isn't able to pick them up from nursery or she wants to go out for the evening or on holiday. They share the costs for their child. In general, they will do their own laundry and cooking, but she will do that of their child and if either of them wants a wash put on or dried and they are not at home then they will ask the other, if it is convenient for them to do so.

To sum up - it is quite possible to live happily with an ex IF you are both reasonable, willing to take responsibility and share costs.

You should certainly NOT be paying for anything he wants if you are separated.

Wtf is a cock lodger?

He knows you don’t want to be in a relationship with him, where you are paying for everything, so thinks you’ll be willing to give up your whole dining room to him and STILL continue paying for him?!

That is some very skewed logic there and it can be quite hard to reason with people who aren’t thinking at all logically! I think you will find it challenging to get him out of that house-can you have a chat with CAB about how best to approach this.

DP or DH? As joint tenants, you can’tthrow him out, but you can give notice to your landlord due to a relationship breakdown (any reason really). That’s probably the easiest method of splitting up. I’d definitely separate finances so he can’t just order whatever he fancies. Move your share of the money so he can’t access it and if the Amazon account is your name/card, open a new account with a new card asap and delete the current cards. He’s taking the piss.

Oh god @Bingobango86 just no to all of it

Just tell him no

that he can sleep in dining room whilst you work out how to not live in the same building but he’s a grown man you shouldn’t financially carry

so just no

and I expect you do most of the childcare at home
plus cooking, cleaning

he needs a realistic plan
so do you

he is the father to your 3 children time he starts acting like one and put them first which includes not bleeding their mother dry

separate your cash
make sure he doesn’t know your credit card number
change internet passwords if need be
don’t buy him anything extra in the food shopping (like specific soda or packets of biscuits)

Someone who chooses to let another adult pay for everything and not contribute financially to the household is as i understand it

How does he plan to pay for all these luxuries?

Now he is your ex you need to remove any access he may have to any accounts you may have.

Cancel everything you pay for that is for him.

Tell him if he won't move out, you will. Start looking for places. He needs to know you won't just let him live off you.

A bit more of a cock lodger when you have 3 dc together and a shared rental together. You cant just boot him out and its going to be expensive to move out yourself.

You set up a life together.

When is the earliest that you can exit the tenancy? Hopefully it’s not too far in the future. I would:

1. start looking for a new property for you and your DC asap (it seems like he doesn’t work? so hopefully you will be able to get a new place on just your income).

2. If you can afford to, start your new tenancy a week or two before the current one ends, so that you have plenty of time to move your and DCs stuff over.

3. Be prepared to either potentially lose some of your deposit, or to have to clean and clear all of his stuff out.

4. Be prepared to ignore his sob sob story if he does not arrange his own alternative accommodation - do not allow him to move into your new place with you, even on a ‘temporary’ basis.

5. Move into your new place and enjoy not living with a CL.

How entwined are your finances together? Has he got access to any shared savings etc? Has he got access to any credit card details?

Might be worth speaking to your bank and having a new set of cards issued and keeping them away from prying eyes or when you do get yourself into a position to leave you may have joint debt to deal with

Separate finances, he is only in receipt of PIP and i pay for the lions share of the household running costs with my wages

Hes still reluctant to move and at present I dont have enough saved for a deposit anywhere else

Can you stay with parents for a couple of months?

Unfortunatley not an option, my parents dont have the space

Id try to aggressively save then to get a deposit together. Could your parents help with that as instead of Christmas/birthday present or loan?