To let dd15 simply read all summer

[OhLaDiDaDiDa]

Aibu to be okay with dd15’s plan to spend her entire summer reading?

She has GCSEs next year, and I strongly suspect she won’t follow up her plan of studying a few hours very day this summer.

She gets good grades and is a nice girl.

She updated her TBR (“to be read”) list of 100 books and that’s her plan! Some of them are non fiction and the fiction is a lot of “good quality” stuff (not junky AI romantasies!)

One of the reasons it would not be OK to read is the types of books she might choose. From personal experience, I was 8 when I inadvertently stumbled upon a set of The Complete Works of Maupassant, with amazing illustrations of beautiful ladies and men, countryside, lights of Paris, etc. etc. Some things I did not understand and naturally started asking my parents questions like 'what does it mean - the Abbot and Annette put their sabots/clogs together?' etc. etc. Dad started screaming at mum, saying 'this is what unsupervised reading does' and they rearranged the shelves, so I could not reach certain authors.

For a teenager some books might be depressing, yet enticing, if you do go deep, you identify yourself with the protagonists, basically, too much dark shit in really excellent classical books.

All those people saying it sounds like a fab summer, ‘my dream’… mumsnet is full of people who hate going out, who just want to curl up on sofa in their pyjamas etc. so I would take it with a pinch of salt, OP. Plenty of reading if that what she wants but also she needs social activity and exercise too …. Unhealthy without.

yep that’s my idea summer!

No! She sometimes makes vague plans but they fizzle away.

I agree I’d love her to be out with friends.

She does have friends and is popular within her circle. But lots of her friends are from immigrant families so they are away home all summer in Thailand/India/Croatia/wherever! (Lucky them!) and her best friend has a medical condition and can’t be out and about at the moment, which is really sad.

I was like your daughter, I remember my stepdad going to work and I was reading on the sofa. He came back at the end of the day and I was still reading on the sofa lol. He was aghast haha, of course I'd got up to make food, use the loo, read on my bed while but sometimes I'd just get so into the book I'd spend the day in a fantasy world.

Its the only time in life that you can do that, during school holidays as a teen with autonomy, we are so long in the world of work then maximising that glorious free time guilt free should be celebrated. Of course participating in family life and a smattering of outdoor pursuits is healthy too. My mum used to worry I had no friends to hang out with and I did, I just didn't necessarily want to hang out all the time and really valued peace and quiet to read, draw and day dream.

I’d get her to combine it with a daily walk, and maybe all go on an outing once a week- if needs be to somewhere outdoors where she can read on a bench etc. Reading is great, but it’s a shame not to get fresh air and a bit of vitamin D in the summer.

I did this every summer as a child/teenager, it was glorious! It also got me in to Cambridge to read English, which frankly set me up for life. So - God yes, if that’s what she wants, go for it!

Crikey @ChiefCookandBottlewasher7 thats sounds worse than being lost in the internet.

I haven’t seen her list - I’ll ask if she’d mind. I don’t want to police her reading (seems somehow intrusive?) and I’ve previously advised her that reading is like eating - you can binge on chocolate but you’ll end up fat and feeling icky. So to make sure she balances her literary diet!

I would love this for my daughter and would encourage her to enjoy.

(unlike her mother who at 15 was chugging lambrini, getting fingered in parks and shoplifting rimmel mascaras)

Not everyone wants to socialise in person/go out with friends or even has that option. OP, it's fine to let her read. You know her best. If you see a problem developing, suggest she change things up, but otherwise, reading is much better than many other alternatives a 15-year-old could find to fill their time.

@HeyThereDelila good idea - we have an egg chair in the garden maybe she’d sit there instead of on her bed

i might force her to make dinner an walk to the supermarket for supplies!

@waterrat

because if that’s ALL she wants to do then that’s unhealthy

@waterrat yes stealth boast too I guess! But seriously - she reads all day, all night, doesn’t do a lot else.

If she was on the internet like that I’d be freaking out.

It seems somehow … a bit obsessive? Unhealthy? Isolating?

Hence the Aibu. I’m “allowing” it (hard to stop her tbh) but I wonder is it damaging?

She did the same at Easter and Christmas. I wonder if it’s a way of avoiding her real life, and if so what is she avoiding?

Wanting to do anything to the exclusion of all else isn't really that healthy for development. Whether it be reading books or spending all day gaming, which I'm sure everyone would be up in arms about on here if that was the only activity of choice.

@ShutupLwren yes I’m a very ungrateful mum! I love that she enjoys reading.

But I’d be quite please if she spent a few hours getting up to mischief with friends.

why don’t teenagers strike a happy medium!

She needs to look up and participate in life now and again. Reading is excellent but she's missing out if she doesn't do anything else.

Kids need exercise or you'll be back here asking what you can do to help her lose weight.

And yes I know you're going to say she's currently thinner than a pencil, but she'll still need exercise.

THIS, OP! ⬆️ Everybody needs to exercise regardless of their weight. Every single person on the planet

“Reading is the sole means by which we slip, involuntarily, often helplessly, into another’s skin, another’s voice, another’s soul.” Joyce Carol Oates.

At your DDs age I was an avid reader, discovering Jilly Cooper and Stephen King. I devoured their books. Hours curled up reading were never wasted. I’m still reading for a couple of hours minimum daily. Second hand paperbacks, and my Kindle is always in my bag if I’m out and have time to sneak a chapter or two in,

I taught English Literature at a high school, the students who enjoyed reading for pleasure managed set texts so much better than those that saw it as a chore.

Maybe read one of the books she’s finished yourself and discuss it with her? Bit of bonding time and will prepare her for GCSE debate and analytical skills.

@DogearedPaperbackWriter this sounds like sensible advice my late mum would have given me.

Im colouring this with my own experience- I spent my summers reading because I was lonely and didn’t have friends. I don’t think that is my DD’s problem. She’s just out of step with her peers, and found a new hobby in reading this year.

Exercise
family days out too
it would be good to see friends if she does have friends - keep social skills up

Sounds dreamy!!!

No one should be studying for their GCSEs in the summer holidays! What?!

Reading for pleasure is so good for her brain, understanding of the world and her emotional development. You'll be doing her a huge favour by supporting her ambition to read through the summer weeks.

Especially because it's the ultimate transportable activity. She can read in the garden, in any number of local parks, at local beaches.

Good for her. Literally good for her!

I'm a big reader and always have been. I've now got an excel spreadsheet with a worksheet for each year's reading list and accompanying TBR list. I have a worksheet for the BBC 100 books to read before you die and a couple of other reading lists that I also update when I read something off the list. I've got a worksheet of 30 different genres/types of books to read through the year that helps me to mix things up and not get stuck in a genre hole. This includes "a book written 100 years ago", "classic horror", "about a culture you're unfamiliar with", "an author the same age as you" etc. I also use the Goodreads Challenge to mix up my genres, get introduced to new authors and all sorts. So good to hear she's got her own version of the 100 TBR!

For those who've inferred that reading lots = not socialising, that's not true for me! I'm going to a big gig with friends on Friday and I'll read on the train on the way to meet them. On my summer holidays away in the sun with friends as a teenager we'd all be reading on the beach or by the pool and still manage to flirt with boys, drink fishbowls and have fun. It's not one or the other.

15 is a really hard age to get a job these days as lots of places won't take them that young but if she's able to do some babysitting for family friends, that could help her save up some pennies over the summer. (She can also read once the kids are in bed!)

In the summer pre GCSEs and pre A Levels and pre English Lit at Uni I included the titles of books I knew we'd be studying through the year alongside books I'd chosen for fun. I loved Jane Eyre and Sylvia Plath more for having explored them on my own in gardens and beaches and parks before then trawling through them with a fine tooth comb in school.

Not sure whereabouts you're based but there are some fab bookish days out that she could do with you or friends to enhance her reading challenge. Within a day-trip drive or train from me this would include Hay-on-Wye with all its many many many bookshops, some antiquarian, some second hand but all fascinating; and Bath for the Jane Austen Centre. Or go to the cinema with mates after reading a book that's been made into a recent film. (Animal Farm is out in late July but there are loads on Netflix etc too).

@BingBongBish haha she IS as thin as a pencil!

You’re right, six weeks of total indolence wouldn’t be healthy. We do have a short holiday in the middle and I’ll try and think of ways to keep her moving (she could walk my neighbour’s dog )

My dream summer, too. And what my DDs did at that age. 😊

Perfect. My dds spent their summers reading in the garden. That's what summers are for. Kicking back and just doing what you want.

Absolutely no work required at that age. No physical nor school work required.