To take DD on holiday solo?

[OldSchoolCasualty]

Would you holiday separately to OH if they clearly didn't enjoy the holidays you booked but your child did?
My husband is not a 'holiday person' he never went on them as a child and doesn't understand the appeal. Before last year we'd been on ONE 'proper' holiday (I'm taking flights, all inclusive hotel, sightseeing etc not camping in the UK) and that was our honeymoon, before having DD.
Now I enjoy holidays, they're some of my favourite memories of childhood and I think it's important for DD to explore other parts of the world and see new things, explore new cultures etc.
Last year I finally managed to get him to agree to go on a proper family holiday. I booked everything, did all the paperwork all the car parking, all the insurances everything. He cared so little that when someone asked he didn't even know where we were going. No appreciation for any of the work I put in to getting us there.
He spent the holiday alternating between sleeping (I'm talking me and DD would get up and have breakfast, go to the pool and come back and he'd still be asleep at 11am despite not having a late night) complaining about the heat, the food, the fact DD wanted to go in the pool with him (he can't swim, another side effect of not going on holiday as a child apparently)
We went for dinner in the A la Carte restaurant one night and I ate alone because there was 'nothing he liked' (He's picky but that's a whole other thread)
We went on a Cruise 6 months later with my family and the same thing occurred. Would rather just stay in bed. Came to dinner but refused to eat most evenings and would take himself to the buffet later. Fell asleep during the day at lunch in front of everyone, which was so embarrassing. Didn't want to engage in any of the activities (play cards after dinner etc). There were rough seas but he refused to take his seasickness medication. He's said he's not going on another cruise again.
Even DD has mentioned that he clearly doesn't enjoy holidays and we'd have a better time without him, which is sad.

Am I wrong to take my daughter on holiday without him as he clearly doesn't enjoy it and it's a waste of money?
He's ruined two holidays in a row now.
Does anyone else holiday seperate from their partner? is it the way forward?

i have a DH a bit like this. Hates flying, not interested in seeing new places, can’t cope with hot weather, can’t swim, sleeps in late every day. I do love him, but he’s a homebody.

As a result DD and I occasionally enjoy holidays just the two of us. We’ve done Paris, Barcelona, Madrid. When’s she older I want to take her to Australia and Japan.

We still do family holidays with DH but those tend to be in familiar destinations that he knows and is comfortable with.

Not wrong at all, I expect most people would consider your solution to be great all round for everyone. I'd crack on, book it and enjoy it.

Hope you're prepared for him to punish you for enjoying yourselves without him when you get back. I predict: house a tip, no food left, a mountain of his laundry, he will have bought something very expensive "as you're spending x on your holiday". Oh or also a few phonecalls every day because he can't find x or what do you think about y or how does z work, then when you don't answer it will be all your fault.

Take the time you're away to consider what you want going forward.

People posting about loved ones who don’t like holidays are missing the point.

not liking holidays = fine

controlling/emotional manipulation through grumps/denying others enjoyment = not fine

OP go on your own, my partner has ruined a lot of holidays so I now go on 1 a year with him and several with other people and Yes I probably shpuld have split up with him but that is another story.

So he doesn't want to do something and therefore you and his dc aren't allowed to have the experience either?
This is more than being a fun sponge, it is petty, controlling behavior.
Are holidays genuinely the only time this behavior shows up?
If they are then it's probably worth pushing through and setting really clear boundaries around them.
If it isn't then a wider think about him is probably a good idea.

Apparently he had no idea how appallingly he'd behaved on the last two holidays. Imagine being that oblivious and self absorbed!
He says he's going to try and do better, I do not even slightly believe him!

You did tell him you were booking without him, right? And, why? If not, I'm not surprised he was blindsided and grumpy. If yes, that's just general grumpiness which seems to seep through to everything?

I think you have far bigger issues in the marriage than the holidays. It doesn’t really sound like you enjoy spending time together at all.

Going alone when it’s not one persons thing is fine. Going and not having an adult conversation about it isn’t really ideal in a marriage.

whys he fallen asleep sitting at dinner? Does he run on empty at home from working?

If he’s falling asleep at dinner I’d assume something was up? Rather than jump to embarrassing unless he did it on purpose. It’s hardly normal behaviour.

either way go without him. Doesn’t seem like he’d mind.

edited to add: well you should’ve told him before booking it of course. Why wouldn’t you say???

@beAsensible1 @donotgettheangst I did tell him before booking it, and I explained why!

I think it's fine to go on holiday with your DD solo. But I also think that compromise is important in a relationship. A holiday at an all-inclusive hotel is my idea of hell. I wouldn't be interested in a cruise either. If your DH prefers UK holidays, why not do some of those as well? Of course, he would absolutely need to pull his weight in terms of cleaning and cooking if you choose to go the self-catering route. But self-catering isn't the only option.

It sounds as though your marriage is on thin ice anyway, and perhaps the holiday issue is just the tip of the iceberg.

I take DD away every Feb half term by myself, for 3 reasons (1) we alternate school holiday leave so DH is working and can’t come, (2) I am ready to be somewhere hot by February so use the time to achieve that (3) DH doesn’t like flying so this way me and DD get to go abroad and DH doesn’t have to deal with the plane. We have a great time and it gives me and DD the opportunity to spend some quality 1:1 time together lounging in the pool or building castles on the beach.

He sounds pathologically grumpy then - is he? How do you cope?!

I think you should take your DD and have a lovely time. It’s no fun having someone moaning on. relaxing holiday.

Although tbh I don’t enjoy the holidays you’ve described at all. Lounging by the pool, all inclusive buffets are not my cup of tea. I’ve been on a couple of them and I didn’t like them. I knew I wouldn’t before we went; there were people everywhere, all the time.

I much prefer booking self catering accommodation with a private pool or hot tub in places where can can spend the days exploring, or just lazying about sometime.
Someone would have to pay me to get me to go on a cruise. I sound very much like your DH 😅

Could your DH book a holiday he would enjoy?

Yes, alarm bells are going off for me here.

@SaySomethingMan Oh I wish he would!
We're going on a uk break soon.
Booked and organised by me as usual.
He's booked one trip in our entire relationship and that was an apology trip after he monumentally messed up and nearly imploded our marriage.
I explained to him that if I want anything to happen trips/days out etc. I have to make it happen!

Honestly I couldn’t be with someone like this, he sounds so miserable and draining. What’s the point 🤷‍♀️

Life is too short.

This. I remember going on holiday with my boyfriend at the time when I was 19-20 and by the time we came back I had the ick over him getting so sunburnt he slept in the room for three days leaving me alone with an Egyptian cruise full of couples!

What do you actually need the miserable git for?

@CountessBinface At this point to pay his half of the bills and mortgage 😂 I couldn't afford the house I'VE spent the last 6 years renovating on my own and it's not finished enough for sale!

Just do it, there is precious little time to make holiday memories with Dd, before she grows up and wants to go with her friends. It's miserable for you all, including Dh, when he doesn't want to.be there.

Absolutely go without him.
He doesn't want to go its obvious go with your daughter have fabulous times and make brilliant memories x

I always took my kids by myself; we farmed with my in laws and husband “couldn’t” take time off ie he daren’t tell him mother he was going away.
He came once when the children were early KS1 sort of ages.
We went abroad every year and I bought a huge frame tent and we went all over the UK… he never stepped foot in it.
Just do it! You’ll get all the happy memories 💕