To take DD on holiday solo?

[OldSchoolCasualty]

Would you holiday separately to OH if they clearly didn't enjoy the holidays you booked but your child did?
My husband is not a 'holiday person' he never went on them as a child and doesn't understand the appeal. Before last year we'd been on ONE 'proper' holiday (I'm taking flights, all inclusive hotel, sightseeing etc not camping in the UK) and that was our honeymoon, before having DD.
Now I enjoy holidays, they're some of my favourite memories of childhood and I think it's important for DD to explore other parts of the world and see new things, explore new cultures etc.
Last year I finally managed to get him to agree to go on a proper family holiday. I booked everything, did all the paperwork all the car parking, all the insurances everything. He cared so little that when someone asked he didn't even know where we were going. No appreciation for any of the work I put in to getting us there.
He spent the holiday alternating between sleeping (I'm talking me and DD would get up and have breakfast, go to the pool and come back and he'd still be asleep at 11am despite not having a late night) complaining about the heat, the food, the fact DD wanted to go in the pool with him (he can't swim, another side effect of not going on holiday as a child apparently)
We went for dinner in the A la Carte restaurant one night and I ate alone because there was 'nothing he liked' (He's picky but that's a whole other thread)
We went on a Cruise 6 months later with my family and the same thing occurred. Would rather just stay in bed. Came to dinner but refused to eat most evenings and would take himself to the buffet later. Fell asleep during the day at lunch in front of everyone, which was so embarrassing. Didn't want to engage in any of the activities (play cards after dinner etc). There were rough seas but he refused to take his seasickness medication. He's said he's not going on another cruise again.
Even DD has mentioned that he clearly doesn't enjoy holidays and we'd have a better time without him, which is sad.

Am I wrong to take my daughter on holiday without him as he clearly doesn't enjoy it and it's a waste of money?
He's ruined two holidays in a row now.
Does anyone else holiday seperate from their partner? is it the way forward?

Yes. Our son and I go on holiday together twice a year. My husband and other son stay at home. My husband hates travelling and youngest can't cope with it. Go for it.

Even without his obvious dislike of holidays it’s great to take you and your DD first a holiday! My friend who had two boys and a girl just did a week in Paris (hot) and had a great time. She says she couldn’t imagine spending a week with her adult sons (they are all over 21, and when younger the boys used to do lads and dads holidays).
Have a fun time planning a holiday together and go without guilt!

DH loathes holidays. We don’t take him any more. Everyone has more fun. He can slob around the house eating popcorn for breakfast and playing his music loudly and we don’t have someone the kids have deemed “allergic to fun” dragging us down and sulking about everything being different to home.

I went on holiday with my mum a few times too. It was brilliant. From a kid perspective, you get actual interaction with your parent instead of trailing along behind two adults who mostly talk to each other.

Myself and DD love holidaying alone. We've only done city breaks and center parcs but that's because DH loves a sun holiday. In your shoes I would definitely go without him. Presumably he won't mind.

Do you have a friend that might join with you for some adult company?

I don't think he's a misery guts necessarily though, it sounds like it's not his thing. I'd plan a shortUK break too so you can all be together.

Next question is how to announce I'm taking DD away for a week without hurting his feelings 😢 perhaps I'm worrying about nothing and he won't give two hoots.

I'd be more concerned about getting him to a doctor appointment than messing around with a holiday personally. Who falls asleep whilst eating lunch?

OP, I feel theres more going on than just not enjoying holidays. As a parent, you put the needs of your dc and their enjoyment as a priority. On holiday he never got up in the morning with her or arsed himself to play with her in the pool? You don't have to be able to swim to splash about with your dc!

What is he like at home with her? Does he equal parent? Spend quality time with her?

From what you've said, I'd be looking at getting away permanently, never mind just for a week.

Is this serious? Why would you worry about hurting his feelings when he doesn’t give a shiny shit about yours or his daughters?

This is so so so wrong. It’s one thing that holidays aren’t your thing, and a number of posters have supported him with that. It’s quite a different thing entirely to be ‘hurt’ to the extent that it denies your loved ones perfectly normal fun adventures. This is coercive control, and I rather suspect op, that if you told us any other detail about your life, you would be surprised at unanimous responses telling you to ltb as fast as your legs would carry you.

Yeah this doesn't seem to be actually about holidays.

What's the psychology behind his behaviour? How's the rest of your marriage because based on this alone ltb?

What’s he like at home generally? Because even if he isn’t a fan of holidays he should at least be thinking that he should pull his weight with looking after (perhaps even having fun with!) his child. Does he do things with her at home? Do his share around the house?

If he’s otherwise a decent partner and father then just agree with him that you’ll take DD on holiday and he can relax at home. DP and I often holiday separately with the kids for short periods because we don’t have enough annual leave to cover school holidays together. If he’s more generally useless then you have a bigger problem

Is he always this much of a miserable prick?

I just couldn't live with someone like this. It sound miserable.

Say I am going on holiday abroad with our daughter. If you would like to plan a holiday in this country and do the work of cooking etc then I'd be delighted to come along.

Definitely go with your DD! However, is he only a bore on holidays? He sounds pretty dull and exhausting, to be honest, Is he fun to be around and share a life with otherwise? Because, if not, this problem might go deeper. Being a positive, sunny person who says yes to life and adventure is a big part of what makes (atleast my) relationships work, but perhaps that's not you?

Booked my holiday. He spent the whole evening in a grump with me.
This is the beginning of the end with the fun sponge isn’t it?
How can you possibly be mad at someone for doing something that you don’t want to do?!?

God Retirement is going to be dull for you.

It depends if is a reasonable person.

If he is, then you don't need to announce it, as if it is a done decision, but rather just put it as a proposed idea...

If he genuinely doesn't like holidays, he may be quite happy with your suggestion, and actually prefer to stay at home once there is no pressure or guilt associated with not going.

A similar thing happened in my family with a male member, who felt obliged to go on holidays he wouldn't enjoy.. and kept insisting on going because he thought people would judge him and his kids would resent him if he didn't go etc. eventually it got through to him that everyone would be happier, including him, I'd he didn't go, and no one minds or would think worse of him. After the emotion was removed it's just a logical choice to let each person do what makes them happy.

Because the point isn’t whether or not he wants to go on the holiday, it’s about controlling what you do and getting you to do exactly what he wants.

My DH has no qualms when I take the kids on my own. He doesn't usually want to do a foreign holiday and I do!

Love the expression "fun sponge"!

These men seem to be everywhere. I hav e a friend with a similar issue. He whines and complains about the cost, th eheat, the DC.

I really hope he starts to realise that you are doing something good for yourself and your daughter and if he's not into it, then he should be happy that you are still able to do it.

OP, you should definitely holiday without him and from the sound of your post, consider a life long holiday with him housed elsewhere. He can sleep all the time and you and DD can enjoy yourselves. Is he an involved husband and father when not on holiday? All the sleeping sounds odd. Is he depressed?

It’s worse than that. Not only does he not want to do anything fun, he wants to deny his spouse and his daughters having any.

I love my children very much op. I don’t like theme parks. They do. So I sucked it up when they were too young to go alone, because their happiness is mine. And when I discovered DD2s friends dad loves theme parks, I was thrilled because it meant they could go and enjoy it, and I didn’t have to go. The idea that I would be grumpy if they go to do something they enjoy and I don’t go with is both baffling, and, not love.

I am glad for you, but more for your daughter who shouldn’t have to live like this and has no choice, that you have started to realise you need to end this.

Have a fab holiday, and many many more.

What does he expect? Does he think you and DD should miss out and not go away at all? Or that he should be able to be a martyr and go on a holiday he doesn't enjoy and ruin it for you? Selfish boring git.

@OldSchoolCasualty How can you possibly be mad at someone for doing something that you don’t want to do?!?

Because he doesn't want you or DD to do it either. He wants you both at home doing what he wants. Not wanting to go on holiday abroad wouldn't be an issue. I know quite a few DHs who don't like it but they are all perfectly happy for their DWs and DCs to go off without them. It's the not wanting you to do it either and grumping if you do that's worrying. My fiver is firmly on him escalating the grumping as time goes by in an effort to make you not go.

Some men become more like this as they grow older and you seem to have got yourself a prime 'un. Unless you can somehow boot him off this trajectory and onto a cheerier one, you're not going to be having the nicest of times about 10 years or so in the future when DD has left home and you are left to manage the increasing whinges, crotchets and likes/dislikes of an ever expanding fun sponge without DD to inject some fun 😞