AIBU for getting frustrated with DP for inserting themselves in situations between toddler and I

[Whatsitallaboot]

DD, 3, is currently in the ‘what is this’ and ‘why’ stage, questioning everything, every 5 mins it seems. Last Saturday morning, after what seems like the 20th question of the morning I snapped and was fairly stern with DD, saying she doesn’t need to question everything, all the time. At this point DP decides to insert herself into the situation (this is a common occurrence), pointing out that I’m not being fair which in turn creates an argument between us as I’m resenting her for not giving me ‘breathing space’ or empathising with the relentlessness of the toddler phase. When I’m getting frustrated i don’t need my ‘flaws’ pointing out at that precise moment. AIBU in response to DP?

I think if a frustrated parent occasionally answers with something like “oh come on Toddler, that’s enough why questions!” honestly it’s not a big deal. If OP’s version of snapping is more like “shut up you little shit” that’s very different. In the latter case I’d expect another parent to step in. In the first case I’d not at all. Children are allowed to see parents are people and have occasionally had enough, as long as the parent isn’t shouty or unkind.

Only OP can say what she did!

Its only natural for her to be protective of your daughter ...but maybe you could ask for her to help in tapping out when you need a break a bit? A system for that and spaces you can chat about the hard bits of parenting are important too. Stuff that helps you remember youre a team.

The plural of the title made me think that it was going to be about OP's parents butting in.

Bring back clear language. Same-sex couples are no big deal if that's the situation.

I've often passed on to DH if he's avaliable with more energy in the tank. Sometimes we'll play good cop, bad cop to give a DC an exit. We're on the same page in the big picture but we are flexible about who does what to avoid us and the DCs getting too entrenched in something minor.

I’ve had to say enough to my DD (also 3) with her questions. She will ask me ‘what’s this?’ I’ll answer and then ask me twelve more times! Yes, I know it is normal and her conversational skills are developing and blah blah but there are only so many times I can reply that it is the gear stick.

Instead of viewing it as criticism or her expecting you to be perfect view it as her helping out you and your child.
Sonetimes you just need someone else to give you a minute... my dh and i do this at bedtime sometimes. I did it yesterday because he was not in the right headspace.

HONESTLY do you want a child that wont critically think? Do you want to be parenting as you described?

At 6 or 7 when they do whyyyyyyyyyy they are often on the wind up. At 3 they are not bad actors they are trying to learn and understand the world.

Separately, i find "what do you think?" A helpful question as it often turns it back into a conversation.

He said in three separate posts that he snaps at the child.