Birthday bill split

[KnickerlessFatWoman]

Last weekend was my mother’s birthday, so we - that’s me, my parents, sister and BIL and their 12 year-old son - went for Sunday lunch. Unfortunately the food wasn’t great, and they ended up taking my main off the bill.

My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead. When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards, but they said they could only take one payment. He paid and I said I’d transfer my share. For the sake of keeping the maths simple on this thread, let’s say the bill was £210, or £35 per head.

Both BIL and sister are crap at responding to messages, so it took me until midweek to get the bank details. I sent over £70 to cover me and one of my parents.

I heard nothing in response, but I was chatting to my mum earlier and she said “Oh, by the way, Katie said you got the money wrong - it was £210 and you only sent £70”. I said no, that was right - my meal and one other. She said, “Ohhh… I think she thought you were splitting it”. I laughed and said, “No, we said we’d treat you and Dad. I didn’t say I’d pay for three meals!”

I don’t really know why my sister couldn’t just have messaged me instead of talking to our mother about it, but that’s not really the issue. Surely she and BIL don’t expect me to pay half the bill? By treating our parents, I meant exactly that - not that I’d pay for them both while my sister just paid for her own family (which is what this amounts to). There are three of them and one of me. If I pay half the bill, sister and BIL have only covered themselves and their child - there’s no “treating” anyone at all.

AIBU for thinking £70 was my share and paying just that?

You are technically right OP, but honestly your dad normally generously pays for everyone. Just let it go.

The problem with the comments saying let it go sets a precedent for how this sort of thing goes and it can add up quite quickly. Just explain to your sister your logic. I do think it was bad that the sister complained to the mum about her birthday treat rather than discussing with the op.

I agree with “let it go” if that means for OP not to pay them any more than she already has.

Intention was to share the cost of the parent’s meals. 🙄

Me too, it was one meal when all parties are generally treated by the dad. I would not have considered any option other than go halves as a one off

The problem is once you go halves, it sets a precedent.

The pressure on one person to pay or pay most of it can be intangible but definitely present.

Better not to set precedents.

The sister knows now that OP won't sub her and they can approach future meals out with clear expectations.

OP you are correct, I'm fact you paid more cause your meal was deducted.

No point trying to explain and get wound up over people not understanding. I bet they would do the same, why should you pay the entire treat? Next time just don't bother. Get a present and job done.

Agreed.

My partner has two sisters, one of which is single. We have one DS. If we went out with single SIL there is no way on Earth that we would split the bill 50:50 with her. Even if she offered.

These comments are insane. YANBU!

If you paid 50% of the bill, your are effectively treating both your parents entirely by yourself, because you are paying for 3 people, and your sister is not treating them at all, because she is also paying for 3 people (her, her husband and son).

Clearly she's so used to your generous dad forking out that she's become a bit entitled....

Absolutely do not offer to pay more money. Crazy.

YANBU You’re sister is a CF

You should have split the bill 50/50 in my opinion you say you were treating your parents but if you hadn’t then your dad would have paid for everyone like you said so although your sister would have only just paid for her family technically if you had paid 50% she wouldn’t have paid anything if the usual had happened. You haven’t really done anything wrong but if me and my sister had agreed to this I would have considered it that me and her were covering the bill for everyone on this occasion which I would have thought was half each

OP, 6 people went out.
You had your meal credited because it was poor.
Your sister should be paying for her husband, herself and son, and half the cost of your parents.

Yanbu.
Your sister is being cheeky, and it reads as if their are lots of similar types posting on your thread.

The type who insist on eating 3 courses and loads of alcohol when on a night out, but object to the single course eating, non drinker, declining to the bill being split evenly.

So common in families to have someone trying to get free meals from someone else. That's all it is here.

This thread has all the drama of a good TV series except the lack of grasp of the situation of so many on the thread would just seem too unbelievable to be real.

I totally agree with you that there is no way you should be splitting the whole bill. You pay for yours and a parents share. I can’t believe anyone would expect you to foot your sisters family too!!!!

Why the need to be so aggressive in your responses OP?? Calling people names, vomit emojis and and nasty replies aren’t called for even if you don’t agree with what is being said. Have a bit of decorum at least. You posted for others views, you don’t like what people are replying, fine but don’t get abusive. Calm down.

My sibling is single, no kids. If we take my mum out for lunch /dinner. I pay for my lot, 4 of us, plus half my mum's, they pay their share and half my mum's. There's always extra added on to go towards a tip.

It’s just cross wires

she thought you were splitting 50/50

Bit cheeky of her as she’s married with a 12 y/o (assume ate an adult meal) and you (presumably single)

I’m with you. You have paid for 1parent. Your sister paid for the other. Why should you then pay an additional £35 to cover her DH or DS meal? No way, stick to your guns. Think your sister is being a cf, expecting you to pay for her family!

I'm with you OP. When it's my mother's birthday, me and my brother split her meal and then pay for ourselves. So for example, I pay for me, my husband, 4 children and then half of her bill and he pays for himself and the other half of her bill. I would never expect him to cover half of my families food. She's being unreasonable and I don't understand anyone feeling that you should pay for your sister's family to eat.

Oh my gosh!!!
OP you are spot on with your thinking.... but you've definitely shown me that there's some weird folk in this world and especially on mnet!!

I bet you're sorry you posted now!🤣🤣🤣

I had sympathy with you when I first started reading. However through the course of the thread you have come across increasingly unpleasant. If in real life you are the type of person you portray here, I’d need paying to have dinner with you! So mean spirited and argumentative.

Can you answer the following two questions that pp have been asking?

1.How would you normally split the bill if your parents were not there? Would your sister usually expect to divide per person?

2.When you agreed to this treat, what words did you and your sister use? Did you say ‘split the bill?’ Or was it clear you would each contribute for one parent?

Your sister is doing very well out of these family meals. When your parents pay for everyone, they pay for 3 meals for her side and only one for your side. I think your way of splitting us perfectly reasonable.

I had the opposite feeling and find OP wonderfully witty and charming.

It is not a gift worth 210, it's a gift worth 70, split between 2 people. I can't believe the grief op is getting on this thread.