Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Birthday bill split

1000 replies

KnickerlessFatWoman · 18/07/2026 12:55

Last weekend was my mother’s birthday, so we - that’s me, my parents, sister and BIL and their 12 year-old son - went for Sunday lunch. Unfortunately the food wasn’t great, and they ended up taking my main off the bill.

My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead. When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards, but they said they could only take one payment. He paid and I said I’d transfer my share. For the sake of keeping the maths simple on this thread, let’s say the bill was £210, or £35 per head.

Both BIL and sister are crap at responding to messages, so it took me until midweek to get the bank details. I sent over £70 to cover me and one of my parents.

I heard nothing in response, but I was chatting to my mum earlier and she said “Oh, by the way, Katie said you got the money wrong - it was £210 and you only sent £70”. I said no, that was right - my meal and one other. She said, “Ohhh… I think she thought you were splitting it”. I laughed and said, “No, we said we’d treat you and Dad. I didn’t say I’d pay for three meals!”

I don’t really know why my sister couldn’t just have messaged me instead of talking to our mother about it, but that’s not really the issue. Surely she and BIL don’t expect me to pay half the bill? By treating our parents, I meant exactly that - not that I’d pay for them both while my sister just paid for her own family (which is what this amounts to). There are three of them and one of me. If I pay half the bill, sister and BIL have only covered themselves and their child - there’s no “treating” anyone at all.

AIBU for thinking £70 was my share and paying just that?

OP posts:
ragandbonewoman · 19/07/2026 15:11

Yanbu. Your sister was bang out of order for even mentioning to your Mum that she thought you had underpaid. If anyone is tainting the birthday event it is her. It really isn’t complicated to split the bill so that between you you treat your parents, but each pay a fair share for yourselves and their own family. No way would my sister expect me to pay the same when her party is three and mine one. That not even taking into account the fact your food was so awful it was taken off the bill!

Lunde · 19/07/2026 15:12

ByUniqueViper · 19/07/2026 14:46

I think youre being pretty mean here. One meal was removed from the total bill but your post suggests that the food was pretty bad in general so I think everyone should benefit from this, not just you.
So as there were 7 of you in total you should have at least paid for 3 of you and then your sister pay for 4 people as she has the child.

But if im honest I'd have just split the bill cos how much did a 12 year old spend. Not that much I'd guess and hecis your nephew after all

There were 6 people - OP, 2 parents and BIL family of 3

BIL's family think that they should just pay for themselves and OP should pay for both parents - 50:50 - so they don't have contribute to the parents' meal as OP pays the full cost of parents' meals

OP thought the deal was to split treating the parents so each paid for one parent and paid for themselves - she also paid a full share for her refunded meal so BIL's family are already benefiting from the lower bill from OP's inedible meal

Loub1987 · 19/07/2026 15:15

Sorry my second post in quick succession. I’ve reflected. The kids won’t have had as much as adults and won’t have had any alcohol. So a split per person isn’t fair.

Even taking fair out of it, this is petty and if you had an issue paying your should have raised this ahead of time.

OneSparklyGoat · 19/07/2026 15:17

Loub1987 · 19/07/2026 15:15

Sorry my second post in quick succession. I’ve reflected. The kids won’t have had as much as adults and won’t have had any alcohol. So a split per person isn’t fair.

Even taking fair out of it, this is petty and if you had an issue paying your should have raised this ahead of time.

This was already addressed.

Who is being petty? It’s the sister quibbling a complaining about £35 and wanting OP to pay for herself and both of her parents.

RabbitlessMagician · 19/07/2026 15:22

StarTrek1 · 19/07/2026 12:20

Why would you pay for your nephew?

Listen to yourself.

No wonder your sis spoke to your mum about it instead of you.

This seems like a misunderstanding- but you are not coming off well in this thread.

I hope your nephew has other thoughtful aunties or uncles in their lives.

What an odd comment. Why is OP not a “thoughtful auntie” just because she expects parents to pay for their own child?

I’m looking after my niece, I might take her out for lunch or an ice cream. I buy her presents. What I’ve never done is randomly pay for her when I’m out with her parents - because why would I?

InterIgnis · 19/07/2026 15:24

ByUniqueViper · 19/07/2026 14:46

I think youre being pretty mean here. One meal was removed from the total bill but your post suggests that the food was pretty bad in general so I think everyone should benefit from this, not just you.
So as there were 7 of you in total you should have at least paid for 3 of you and then your sister pay for 4 people as she has the child.

But if im honest I'd have just split the bill cos how much did a 12 year old spend. Not that much I'd guess and hecis your nephew after all

Yes, of course: ‘mean’, otherwise known as the eternal bleat of those that want to make other people financially responsible for them.

If the SIL and BIL wanted to be compensated for poor quality food then they should have returned theirs as well. They didn’t, so obviously they were obliged to pay for what they ordered and ate.

OP essentially ended up covering the share of both her parents. The SIL and BIL covered their own family. Hardly unfair or ‘mean’.

Loub1987 · 19/07/2026 15:26

OneSparklyGoat · 19/07/2026 15:17

This was already addressed.

Who is being petty? It’s the sister quibbling a complaining about £35 and wanting OP to pay for herself and both of her parents.

I don’t know, all I know is that I would just pay it as the gift was paying for something that the parents would normally do.

I don’t have time or energy to penny pinch (though I can appreciate if people have to and then they need to articulate this ahead of time).

InterIgnis · 19/07/2026 15:27

Loub1987 · 19/07/2026 15:15

Sorry my second post in quick succession. I’ve reflected. The kids won’t have had as much as adults and won’t have had any alcohol. So a split per person isn’t fair.

Even taking fair out of it, this is petty and if you had an issue paying your should have raised this ahead of time.

They agreed in advance that they would split the cost of their parents orders. Not the entire bill.

If the sister had an issue with those, she should have addressed it ahead of time.

RabbitlessMagician · 19/07/2026 15:27

Who was driving? Does everyone live locally?

What’s that got to do with the price of fish?

OneSparklyGoat · 19/07/2026 15:28

Loub1987 · 19/07/2026 15:26

I don’t know, all I know is that I would just pay it as the gift was paying for something that the parents would normally do.

I don’t have time or energy to penny pinch (though I can appreciate if people have to and then they need to articulate this ahead of time).

Did you not have time to read the thread, either?

Loub1987 · 19/07/2026 15:31

OneSparklyGoat · 19/07/2026 15:28

Did you not have time to read the thread, either?

Ok sorry, why do you feel so intensely? A stranger on the internet asked for an opinion and I gave mine. I do not for any minute think it is absolutely correct. Nor do I think the OP is wrong, it was my view of the statements.

Wowwhataworld · 19/07/2026 15:34

TitsAndAssChangedMyLife · 19/07/2026 10:16

Yes @KnickerlessFatWoman, you’ve been tewibly tewibly wude. Why can’t you be nice and quiet, like a good little girl?

Why are you speaking like a 5 year old? Clearly another argumentative twat.

OneSparklyGoat · 19/07/2026 15:34

Loub1987 · 19/07/2026 15:31

Ok sorry, why do you feel so intensely? A stranger on the internet asked for an opinion and I gave mine. I do not for any minute think it is absolutely correct. Nor do I think the OP is wrong, it was my view of the statements.

It’s not particularly intense to question someone’s opinion is it?

I asked because the wine and child’s meal has been explained half dozen times.

Loub1987 · 19/07/2026 15:36

OneSparklyGoat · 19/07/2026 15:34

It’s not particularly intense to question someone’s opinion is it?

I asked because the wine and child’s meal has been explained half dozen times.

Ok sorry about that…..hope you have a full day! Best wishes

Vaxtable · 19/07/2026 15:39

I can’t believe the number of people on here who simply can’t read or comprehend what the op said.

she said My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead

so in simple English the two siblings decided they were going to treat thier mum and dad

therefore the mum and dads bill is to be split 50/50. No mention of the whole bill being split and actually why should a single person have to pay towards food eaten by her sisters family?

as it was ops meal was taken off the meal but she still laid the £pp for her and £pp for one of her parents. The rest of the bill is her sisters to pay

ok if alcohol was not included and parents and op had some then yes payment should be made but I fully get why op didn’t want to pay for her sisters family why should she

Iwantanapnow · 19/07/2026 15:43

Bellyblueboy · 19/07/2026 13:34

Wow - your brother sounds cheap.

No he isn’t cheap. - far from it. I always insist. The value of family is not measured in money

GreaterCassowary · 19/07/2026 15:49

This is such a weird thread. I would just give up trying to explain @KnickerlessFatWoman People are either being intentionally obtuse or are extraordinarily hard of thinking. Maybe both. It's obvious to the rest of us what you're saying and clear that your bill split suggestion made perfect sense.

Bellyblueboy · 19/07/2026 15:56

Iwantanapnow · 19/07/2026 15:43

No he isn’t cheap. - far from it. I always insist. The value of family is not measured in money

So if six of you go out to dinner, he is happy to let you pick up the bill for three people (yourself and two of his party) and he pays for three?

so the majority of time you ‘treat’ his wife and one child to dinner and occasionally he treats you?

he sounds really, really cheap. I don’t know anyone who as a family of five would go to dinner with one other person and let that person pay for 50% of the bill. I would be deeply embarrassed to be married to that man.

TroysMammy · 19/07/2026 15:57

I'm crap at maths but if you pay £105 then you've paid for both your parents and yourself. Your sister has only paid for her, husband and child. So she hasn't treated anyone.

2026letsgo · 19/07/2026 16:01

Vaxtable · 19/07/2026 15:39

I can’t believe the number of people on here who simply can’t read or comprehend what the op said.

she said My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead

so in simple English the two siblings decided they were going to treat thier mum and dad

therefore the mum and dads bill is to be split 50/50. No mention of the whole bill being split and actually why should a single person have to pay towards food eaten by her sisters family?

as it was ops meal was taken off the meal but she still laid the £pp for her and £pp for one of her parents. The rest of the bill is her sisters to pay

ok if alcohol was not included and parents and op had some then yes payment should be made but I fully get why op didn’t want to pay for her sisters family why should she

That’s clearly what the Op thought treating “ mum and dad “ meant ie just mum and dad.
But since the entire bill was covered by one person previously, the sister has assumed in the same way, the entire bill will now be split, as their treat.

2026letsgo · 19/07/2026 16:01

Vaxtable · 19/07/2026 15:39

I can’t believe the number of people on here who simply can’t read or comprehend what the op said.

she said My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead

so in simple English the two siblings decided they were going to treat thier mum and dad

therefore the mum and dads bill is to be split 50/50. No mention of the whole bill being split and actually why should a single person have to pay towards food eaten by her sisters family?

as it was ops meal was taken off the meal but she still laid the £pp for her and £pp for one of her parents. The rest of the bill is her sisters to pay

ok if alcohol was not included and parents and op had some then yes payment should be made but I fully get why op didn’t want to pay for her sisters family why should she

That’s clearly what the Op thought treating “ mum and dad “ meant ie just mum and dad.
But since the entire bill was covered by one person previously, the sister has assumed in the same way, the entire bill will now be split, as their treat.

Rewis · 19/07/2026 16:02

When me and my brother take our parents to celebrate something, we do it like you did. My brother pays for him and his family and I pay for my meal and then we split our parents meals 50/50.

2026letsgo · 19/07/2026 16:05

The maths has never added up …your dad was just being kind Op.
Maybe keep a record of the meals he’s paid twice as much for your sisters family, claim it back in inheritance.

2026letsgo · 19/07/2026 16:05

The maths has never added up …your dad was just being kind Op.
Maybe keep a record of the meals he’s paid twice as much for your sisters family, claim it back in inheritance.

Iwantanapnow · 19/07/2026 16:12

Bellyblueboy · 19/07/2026 15:56

So if six of you go out to dinner, he is happy to let you pick up the bill for three people (yourself and two of his party) and he pays for three?

so the majority of time you ‘treat’ his wife and one child to dinner and occasionally he treats you?

he sounds really, really cheap. I don’t know anyone who as a family of five would go to dinner with one other person and let that person pay for 50% of the bill. I would be deeply embarrassed to be married to that man.

If you read my message properly you will see that I said sometimes they treat me. If we are treating someone else we would split the bill. Sometimes I take my nephews out and pay. They give me lots of lifts as I don’t drive. Sometimes I bake for them. It’s what family do. As I say a good family is not measured in money.
if someone has a win or gets a promotion they might treat everyone
no wonder the OP’s dad usually pays - he couldn’t stand the drama of splitting a bill.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.