Birthday bill split

[KnickerlessFatWoman]

Last weekend was my mother’s birthday, so we - that’s me, my parents, sister and BIL and their 12 year-old son - went for Sunday lunch. Unfortunately the food wasn’t great, and they ended up taking my main off the bill.

My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead. When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards, but they said they could only take one payment. He paid and I said I’d transfer my share. For the sake of keeping the maths simple on this thread, let’s say the bill was £210, or £35 per head.

Both BIL and sister are crap at responding to messages, so it took me until midweek to get the bank details. I sent over £70 to cover me and one of my parents.

I heard nothing in response, but I was chatting to my mum earlier and she said “Oh, by the way, Katie said you got the money wrong - it was £210 and you only sent £70”. I said no, that was right - my meal and one other. She said, “Ohhh… I think she thought you were splitting it”. I laughed and said, “No, we said we’d treat you and Dad. I didn’t say I’d pay for three meals!”

I don’t really know why my sister couldn’t just have messaged me instead of talking to our mother about it, but that’s not really the issue. Surely she and BIL don’t expect me to pay half the bill? By treating our parents, I meant exactly that - not that I’d pay for them both while my sister just paid for her own family (which is what this amounts to). There are three of them and one of me. If I pay half the bill, sister and BIL have only covered themselves and their child - there’s no “treating” anyone at all.

AIBU for thinking £70 was my share and paying just that?

What a fascinating thread. Such fixed ideas, not sure that anyone has changed their minds as the thread's gone on.

Your sister simply doesn't get it OP, like so many on here. She's used to being heavily subsidised by your parents and actually paying her way is now a concept she doesn't understand.

I feel your pain.

@KnickerlessFatWoman some of the replies on here are nuts!
In this scenario I would have assumed you each add the cost of one parents meal to your own bill.
I had similar when me and my siblings took our parent out for the day on a booked experience. I paid for everything on the basis each sibling would transfer me the funds.
We had all agreed this was a joint present then one sibling only transfered to cost of their ticket!
It was quickly sorted out and we all get on well but I was a bit surprised as to why they presumably thought I was picking up the tab for the parent on top of organising the whole day as well!

You can argue til your'e blue in the face but some people just aren't good at maths!! They're never going to get this!

You were 100% correct with your maths.

If you paid 50/50 then you would have been treating your parents and your sister would have just been paying for a family meal as normal.

Poorly worded on my part, I shouldn't have said 'all' the 50/50 people. Completely accept it's a balanced argument. I just feel that some posters are using arguments against the OP that apply equally or more so to the sister, and not seeing the OP's point at all. My apologies if you felt I was rude.

I would seek help for your alcohol problem

I have so enjoyed this thread OP! You have made me chuckle with your replies. I often mutter these things in my head but rarely brave enough to post them!

For what it’s worth I think you’re right:you never utter the words ‘split the bill’ which some players are insisting makes it 50:50. I would have had the same approach as you. My BIL has 3 kids and before we had any he used to try the old ‘going halves’ and luckily my DH scoffed at the cheekiness!

Hopefully today you can connect with your sister and put her straight on why you paid what you did

It’s in no way comparable to giving gifts at Christmas. As for the “warm fuzzy feeling”, why do you think my sister should have that feeling without doing any of the treating?

Yep it was ultimately a mis communication.
One party assumed parents meals were to be split 50/50 and the rest to be paid by who ate what.
The other party assumed the whole bill would be split 50/50.
I think the first assumption is mean, in a family meal situation like this. It wouldn't have occured to me to tot up who ate what.
OP just needs to accept that to plenty of people this comes across as mean. Argue all you like about the rights and wrongs of it but treating people is a nice thing to do. Some people like to treat others, some people are mean.

I wonder if they offer help for comprehension problems at the same clinic? Perhaps we can share a cab?

I would offer to drive, but obviously I’ll be too pissed.

I don't think your sister would have that feeling, clearly if you split the bill 50/50 that feeling is all yours to keep for yourself OP.
Lord you really don't like your sister do you?!

I agree. Lots of people are piling on to OP and calling her names and then they act surprised when she answers back.

OP, a lot of these people (and some of your family) will be thinking it’s your job to pay more because you’re child free. Well done for pushing back.

I can understand your argument. I just don't agree.
Split the Bill means equal to me unless you agree to Go Dutch.

From this you have all learnt to speak in detail before agreeing to help pay for dinner.

Neither of you were ever going to be out of pocket due to the many meals that have been paid for on your behalf by your generous father.

You have so much food credit (to pay forward) that I can not fathom your squabbling.

She is calling people names (thick is common) who are just explaining why the sister may have taken that opinion. Most have not called her any names. Is that a pile on now?

Argue all you like about the rights and wrongs of it but treating people is a nice thing to do. Some people like to treat others, some people are mean.

It is indeed a nice thing to do - which is why WE were supposed to be doing it. Which bit don’t you get about that?

I am fascinated that this has caused so much discussion. The OP had offered to ‘treat her parents’, not ‘split the bill’ with her sister. To me these are two different things - this is all about communication and listening - and not assuming. I agree that my expectation would have been to cover two shares (myself plus one parent) if I had said to ‘treat’ them. I would only expect to pay half if I had agreed to split the bill. 🤷‍♀️

But why am I the only one paying towards the food credit?

Your way makes absolute sense. I’d call my sister though to talk it through. There’s no way she should grumbling that she had to pay for half your parents’ share plus her own family!

I agree with you OP. When you sent Sis the amount you did it was clearly not her interpretation of what was agreed, but surely she had worked out your thought process.

Sis could have sucked it up or messaged you directly but she decided to cause drama by involving DM. Posters have piled on OP being petty but not Sis.

But those posters insulted her first. They didn’t just disagree. Why isn’t OP allowed to push back?

Why aren’t you criticising the people calling OP names and an alcoholic?

It is quite funny Calliopespa calling you aggressive….you’re right they’re always posting nasty stuff and always like a dog with a bone.

FWIW I’ve enjoyed your posts OP and I’m not surprised you’ve got exasperated with some posters. But one thing I’ve noticed from MN is that people are always generous with other people’s money, time and effort.

Just a communication breakdown I guess. I can see why she thought you’d split the bill exactly in half but equally get why you wouldn’t want to pay half of her family’s bill. Neither of you are wrong, it’s just miscommunication.

This is just a nonsensical argument because it equally applied to the sister. The plan was that they treat the parents, if OP and sister had split the bill then sister would have 'treated' no one.

OP could have just taken her parents out by herself in that instance. Actually think it's CF territory that the OP who has benefited from 3 family members every meal thought she should get the thanks for treating her parents when she was intending to only pay for her family.

And as many people have pointed out it is only £30, what kind of person would begrudge £30 for their parents who have paid for multiple meals for her whole family over years?

I do get it, as I clearly said in my first post. Your argument is sound, and 'fair'.
I just don't understand why you feel it necessary to be perfectly 'fair' in this scenario. It comes across as mean and petty. You just have to accept that.

I don’t get why anyone is on the sisters side with this. They agreed to treat their parents , there are 2 parents op had paid for one and herself.

Clearly , sister is used to parents paying for her so thought with her and op paying half each part of hers would be covered which is really cheeky .

If op paid half the bill it means sister is getting some of hers paid so she is therefore not treating the parents ??

Argue all you like about the rights and wrongs of it but treating people is a nice thing to do. Some people like to treat others, some people are mean.

A treat is only a treat when it’s freely given. When it’s expected and people kick up a fuss about not being treated, then it becomes cheeky fuckery.

I notice you haven’t asked when was the last time OP’s sister treated the OP.