Birthday bill split

[KnickerlessFatWoman]

Last weekend was my mother’s birthday, so we - that’s me, my parents, sister and BIL and their 12 year-old son - went for Sunday lunch. Unfortunately the food wasn’t great, and they ended up taking my main off the bill.

My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead. When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards, but they said they could only take one payment. He paid and I said I’d transfer my share. For the sake of keeping the maths simple on this thread, let’s say the bill was £210, or £35 per head.

Both BIL and sister are crap at responding to messages, so it took me until midweek to get the bank details. I sent over £70 to cover me and one of my parents.

I heard nothing in response, but I was chatting to my mum earlier and she said “Oh, by the way, Katie said you got the money wrong - it was £210 and you only sent £70”. I said no, that was right - my meal and one other. She said, “Ohhh… I think she thought you were splitting it”. I laughed and said, “No, we said we’d treat you and Dad. I didn’t say I’d pay for three meals!”

I don’t really know why my sister couldn’t just have messaged me instead of talking to our mother about it, but that’s not really the issue. Surely she and BIL don’t expect me to pay half the bill? By treating our parents, I meant exactly that - not that I’d pay for them both while my sister just paid for her own family (which is what this amounts to). There are three of them and one of me. If I pay half the bill, sister and BIL have only covered themselves and their child - there’s no “treating” anyone at all.

AIBU for thinking £70 was my share and paying just that?

I think your SIL is bang out of order involving your Mum. It’s like a sly way of putting your Mum in the position of then saying “oh we will cover our meal”

I would be really annoyed and tackle this head on.

and no, you are absolutely not in the wrong and she is being extremely cheeky

@KnickerlessFatWoman I whole heartedly agree with you op. People saying just split 50/50 probably have more disposable income. Why should you pay for your sister's family to eat out?

I agree with this. The poor parents over essentially, what was meant to be a treat. The dsis shouldn’t have involved the the mum at all. If I was op, I’d have just said my mistake, I misunderstood and paid up, rather than upset my parents, which this will ultimately have done.

This is what I think too. I have been in the same position (well my husband really - me by association 😂). I really don’t get how people are saying let’s split the bill in half. That’s insane. The OP is one person. When I’m out with family we have the most kids (3) and we don’t expect people to split it in the middle when my sister in law had no kids, and my other sister in law has only 2 kids. We split it per person. I mean paying for your own family is the bare minimum I think.

Exactly. If there’s any pettiness or ruining it for the partners, it’s wholly from the sister.

Bet she and her husband thought they were onto a good thing!

I agree with you OP, but I think you need to message your sister to spell it out to her.

This makes no sense.

As you rightly pointed out the agreement was to "treat their parents" not split the cost equally.

Splitting the cost equally isnu first when sister had her husband and child and OP is single, that means OP is subsidizing her sister who has a 2 income hosuehold to her one income hosuehold and if sis expects equal splits when she is with her husband and child to OP alone then she is ridiculous.

For this mean the agreement was to treat their parents and there are 2 parents so pay for 1 each makes sense. Splitting the meal means sis only pays for her husband and child while OP pays for both parents, and your comment about poor ister needing to pay for 4 meals makes no sense, she should always expect to pay for her 3 meals right? If she is treating her parents then she pays for 1 parent so I don't get the pity that she has to pay for 4 meals, she obviously has a larger family at 3:1 v OP.

Don’t be daft - otherwise sister is paying nothing for parents.

OP, I am very blunt. Why the actual F are you causing such drama over 35 quid? Please tell me you are joking here.

It's not always about who got the last pea on the plate. It's a family outing, just pay half and keep your relationship ok with your family.

I can guarantee you, that if you question this you will have created an awful lot of drama and resentment. FGS pay it. There will be other times when you will pay less.

Honestly.

The sister is causing the drama by running to mummy.

I would reach out to her to clarify.

Frankly she was ridiculous to reach out to your mother instead of you in the first place, and I agree with your reasoning, the agreement was to treat your parents not split the bill so she pays for her family's meal and one parent and you pay for your meal and one parent.

Stop eating your time arguing on mumsnet.

So you wouldn't be in the slightest bit embarrassed by insisting that your single income, child free sibling pays the same amount as you, a double income family with three times as many members? That is shameless!

When was this present decided.

if it was at the meal, then sister went in expecting to pay zero and then politely agreee to pay what she thought was £105 (half of the £210) and then ended up paying £140.

you decided 2 things. you’d treat parents but also that you and her would pay your own food oh this occasion.

(I can see why she is annoyed if agreed last minute, suddenly incurring extra costs for them)

Have you read the OP? It is the sister who has caused the drama and announced to her mother that she doesn't want to pay her fair share.

Why should op pay more than dsis ?

Op is 1, dsis is 3 people.

But the sister is the one causing drama 😂. Instead of sis reaching out to OP she went straight to mama to complain yet you blame OP.

What has OP down wrong? Their agreement was to treat their parents not split the bill, that means they each pay for their meals plus treat their parents. How is OPs fault if sis her to pay 3 meals for her family before treating parent?

Treating parents means that pay for your meals be it 1 for OP or 3 for sister, then treat parents so they pay for each parent. Expecting a split means OP is paying for her meal and both parents while sister only pays for her family.

And irrespective of all this sister was very wrong to complain to their mother instead of reaching out to OP.

If you read my previous posts you'll see that actually in my family I have fewer children than my brother but we always split the bill 50 50, I have no issue with it whatsoever , I think counting pennies when you don't need to is more embarrassing tbh. I'd be more than happy to split the cost of my parents having a lovely afternoon with their immediate family, rather than adding up exactly who ate what

Loys of people on mumsnet see splitting bills based on what you’ve eaten as mean. They think people should suck up the costs of going out with someone who spends more, as that’s just the way it’s done.

I personally would think your sister’s the cheeky one. Imagine saying this is on us mum and dad, knowing you’ve only paid enough to cover your but your sister has covered the cost of both your parents. She’s not put her hand in her pocket but people are still expecting you to pay 50%. If makes no sense to me

How old is your nephew? Big difference between a 2 year old and 20 year old but overall I think you have been fair unless maybe nephew a baby and didnt eat £35 worth. In that case it should have been divided per head by 5 rather than 6 and hos parents just cover whatever a toddler meal is....
If he is a teen/adult then what you did is perfect especially as your own meal was actually 'free'

Edited to add sorry i just see 12 year old so yeah that was fine. Your sister shouldn't have been bitching to your mum about it!

OK, it's the heat folks, I misread. Am I forgiven?

Some people seem to know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Obv. the sister 😊

Yes but I am reversing the scenario by saying that if it was the other way around, you would have no qualms about paying less than your single sibling?

Sister has created the atmosphere for their parents by speaking to their mum about the money instead of directly to @KnickerlessFatWoman .

I don't understand why she did that.

DS and OP could have sorted out the misunderstanding between themselves, and the parents need not have known anything about it.

Fwiw, I agree with the amount OP transferred - it's what they agreed ie treating their parents. No-one said anything about splitting the bill. Hence she wasn't aware of any issue until the phone call from her mother.

@KnickerlessFatWoman has done nothing wrong.

Honestly if my sister was such a tightarse that she was moaning to my mum that I hadn’t subsidised her family’s dinner then I’d probably see her as the dramallama and let her get on with it. I certainly wouldn’t be giving her money to keep the peace

I would have assumed you were going halves on the whole bill

Would you expect a single person on one income, to subsidise the cost of a meal for you and your family?

If you agreed to pay to treat parents, would you expect the single person with one income, to pay for both parents and her own meal (and even that was so bad it was refunded), whilst you a 2 income family pay nothing towards the parent’s treat?

And would you then complain to mum because shock, horror, single sister has only paid for her refunded meal and one parent, when what you wanted was for her to pay for both parents whilst you pretended to pay a fair share? Because that’s what it is.