AIBU to wonder about names in the past.

[Wiseplumnet]

AIBU to ask if anyone has noticed this, and if they do, what the reason for it is. I am in my 60's, so my grandparents were all born in the 'Edwardian' era and not one of them were called by their actual names. Some of them were so different from their given names, not diminutives like Dottie for Dorothy but more like Nora for Gladys! Names bearing no relation to first or even middle names. My Grandfather was called James John but every called him 'Bertie'. I have come across this in other families too. I thought I would ask a bigger group ( ie mumsnet) to see if anyone else has noticed or pondered this. I think I got too much time on my hands 😂

Two of my great-aunts were known by their middle names. In the case of the eldest it was because she had been given her mother's name as a first name - a common enough scenario. But hardly anyone knew this was her first name until I found it on the census taken when she was a toddler. In the other case I have no idea hwy they preferred the middle name, except that her first name was hideous! It wasn't a family one or anything.

On the other side of the family among my great-great-aunts there was one whose parents gave her a massive and pretentious string of names, and always called her by the third name, which was a diminutive of her grandmother's. This again was a fact lost to later generations until it emerged in family research. She was the black sheep of the family and had vanished from the public record until it suddenly occurred to me to search under her third name, which I'd seen used on an old version of the family tree. Another sister seemed to swap her own names around freely, giving them in random order on different censuses. I believe she was known by the original first name, so why she later used this as second I've no idea. Perhaps she was calling herself by the second name at that stage.
Finally, their youngest sister used a diminutive form throughout her life. She was christened by a formal name (in honour of family) but the nickname turns up on every other doc every written, including her death certificate.

If someone was in service their name would be changed if another staff member already had that name. So that could stick too. Plus a lot of affectionate names , eg ‘pet names’ are now used as stand alone names so we forget that they are the informal form. Sadie (real name Sarah) being one. Meg, Maggie, Peggy, May (all for Margaret). Harry (Henry). I think Queenie may have also been for Margaret or Mary.

I've seen it suggested that Queenie was a nickname for Victoria - but of course this could vary by generation! If born in the 1920s one might well be called Queenie if christened Mary, I suppose..

Having read the thread, it's disturbing how many mumsnetters can't recognize a joke when they see it! FFS!

As an aside on this topic, Queen Victoria had at least seven granddaughters given her name as their first or their "official" name, and many had nicknames or used another name later (notably after she died some dropped the Victoria or double-barreled it!)
Victoria of Prussia, known as "Vicky" or "Moretta"
Victoria of Wales, known as "Toria"
Victoria of Hesse, the only one invariably known as...Victoria.
Victoria Melita of Edinburgh (known as "Ducky")
Helena-Victoria of Schleswig-Holstein, known as "Thora" (and always called just Princess Victoria as a child; she added her own mother's name later)
Victoria Patricia of Connaught, known as "Patsy" - after 1901 called just Princess Patricia.
Victoria Eugenie of Battenberg, known in family by her fourth name, Ena.

Same thing going on in other, less obvious families.
Confusingly,Victoria of Prussia's first name of the string was Frederike, but she never known this way... and she had an older sister whose first name at christening was Victoria, but was always known publicly and privately as Charlotte.

My Mum and her siblings were all known by their middle name. When my Mum was in hospital, the nurse said “She doesn’t seem to know her name.” They had been calling her Jane, which was her first name. When I explained, the nurse unhelpfully put on the board above her bed “Likes to be known as Yetta.” She didn’t like to be known as Yetta, it was her name!

Women in my family, on my Mum’s side were all called Frieda, Aydel, Elza, Minna and Yetta. Thankfully dropped for my generation! They also changed a German surname for a French one, despite living in UK. My Mum’s theory was that they were obviously foreign, and probably better to be thought to be French than German.

Definitely the case in my very large family. Weirder still, my grandad had two sisters who both had the same first name. They lived to quite an old age and were both known by other names, which weren’t even their middle names

My grandmother always called my grandfather John as she didn't like Stanley. His father Frederick was called Jim. No idea who called them which names otherwise.

It’s unusual in young men, but Mary was a fairly common middle name for Irish boys in the past. My dad and his brothers, born in the 1940s and 50s, all had Mary as their middle name.

It's bizarre, isn't it? What is even the point on having a name anyway, if it isn't to distinguish you from other people?

They may just as well have named all of their children 'Person' and left it at that!

I taught in Spain for a while. Very complicated. Maria-Jesus was a woman, Jesus-Maria was a man. Jose-Maria was a man, Maria-Jose was a woman. Many women (as in Ireland) were Maria but didn't use it so you'd have Maria Del Mar known as Mar, Maria de las Nieves known as Nieves, and then Maria de la Concepcion known as Concha. I was teaching adults who had all been born in the pre-1975 Franco era.

Start of every class I'd sit there with a class list of endless Maria and a pencil and have to write in what they were really known as.

Absolutely not true in my family.

My DH's parents (born in 1917 and 1921) both went by their middle names throughout their lives. FIL was the eldest son so was given the same first name as his own father, Frederick, but to differentiate him was always called by his middle name, Vernon. Nobody ever could work out why MIL's parents had bothered to name her Muriel Barbara when from the day she was born they simply called her Barbara.

One unanticipated consequence of this was that DH, as a youngster, upon seeing his letters to his parents addressed to "F. Vernon Surname" and "M. Barbara Surname" decided very logically that these abbreviations stood for "Father Vernon Surname" and "Mother Barbara Surname"...

Some people/cultures do/did this - giving boys middle names but not girls - as it's often assumed that girls will use their maiden names as a middle name after they marry.

This is very common in the US, a girl is born as Susan Brown, she marries Mr White, and becomes Susan Brown White with Brown as a middle name. It's not something we usually do here unless the two surnames are double barrelled.

We had an elderly (now deceased) Aunt and Uncle whereby she always called him by a different name.

Say his actual name was John, she would call him Fred - based on her belief that he had puppy dog eyes and you would call a dog Fred but would probably not call it John!!

This thread is fascinating !

On my Mum’s side of the family, out of seven girls and three boys only two of them went by their given names .
On my Dad’s, all the names were traditional Welsh ones and mostly stuck to ,except Uncle Ianto who was baptised Evan, after his father .
I’ve never met anyone with the same Christian name as my Dad.

This was very prevalent on my grandfather's side of the family. His sisters were known by the names that they were given at birth. None of the boys were, which caused a lot of confusion, e.g. asking to visit a person by their 'known as' name at the hospital, thinking that we had turned up to the wrong funeral, and trying to register a death when the deceased person has three forms of ID, all under different names (including birth certificate and passport!). It only recently came out that a great-uncle wasn't actually called G; his birth certificate said that he was called L...

I suspect that it probably started as every generation seemed to have a John, James and a Peter, so they needed to differentiate... but why the same people were then known as Dennis or something is beyond me! In my grandfather's case, I think that it was more because he could never remember anyone's name (hence why a lot of my uncle's ex-girlfriends, as a teen, were most put out when my grandfather answered the phone and said, "Is that Diane?" "No! It's Sarah!" and bang went the phone on her end...). We all have alternate names that are nothing like our birth certificate names, too, so I have no idea how I knew what my real name was, and how to spell it, when I went to primary school.

I have always said that the family tree should have had 'Sarah Elizabeth Smith, known as Catherine' on it, rather than just the names on their birth certificates!

My mother had two terrible names and was known by her middle name which was even worse than her first name. When she joined up in WW2 someone asked her name and just blurted out a lovely name which was used until she died.

My mother-in-law didn't like ether of her names and chose a different one when she moved countries. So all her family knew her by one name, as did medical staff and (later) carers, while her friends and husband called her another.

In my family there appear be dozens of Ellens, Samuels and Herberts. It's not surprising that nicknames or pet names were used. My grandad always called my grandma "Jen". After Jenny Wren is all he would say by way of explanation. Jen/Jenny/Jennifer was not her real name.

My dad’s family are still naming the first born son John and then actually calling them their middle name. It’s ridiculous and I will not be taking part if I ever have a son. It causes so much confusion in the modern day when this isn’t commonly done.

This is where the Americans have it right and avoid confusion as you have John Wayne Sr, John Wayne Jr, John Wayne III and so on.

Some young people going into domestic service were given a "more suitable name" by their boss.

My friend has the same name as his dad (and Grandad) so they all use different shortening so Liam, Will and Billy. At his wedding I was introduced to lots of his family and realised they must all do it in his family, this Uncle Jim and cousin Jamie, this is Uncle Ted and cousin Eddie, this is Uncle Rick and cousin Richard.

They have all chosen 'new' names for their children rather than passing on their recycled ones.