About the 80 page white floral dress thread. Update from the bride. Should I photoshop SILs white dress?

[theGFnowWife]

Hiya
Was umming and aahing about posting this here or in the chat section but AIBU is where the other threads were posted. IYKYK. I have had the (dis)pleasure of reading all 80 pages.

I'm the bride and I can confirm my SIL did turn up wearing the dress to the wedding. My best friend/MoH waited until after the wedding to show me the threads since some of the posts were a bit horrid tbh and she was so right I didn't need to see that before the wedding. She organised a post wedding girls night for me and the rest of our friends group who came to the wedding and that really was such a brilliant and surprisingly entertaining way to read through and digest it all with a few glasses of wine, some music and lots of love and support.

The consensus after last night's wine & whine is that I should keep shtum about the dress and the threads to MIL/SIL in person and that it would be better to create this thread and who knows they might come across it

Another idea that was floated last night was photoshopping the wedding photos with SIL in them to make her dress pink or yellow. If this is an awful idea we blame the wine!!

So no defence for guests being mean about other guests then? Quelle suprise.

Damn, I thought I was on to something there! 😂In fairness the OP on the other threads was almost gleeful about potentially going against her SIL dress code wishes, and people pointing out that it might be inappropriate seemed to make her even more determined to do it.. she made it perfectly clear she did not give a shit about her SIL.

This OP does seem to be coming at it from a different perspective entirely.

So a cream dress with a floral pattern is taboo in some cultures? I thought the issue was a prohibition on white dresses.

But anyway, it sounds as though you've married into the right family, since you and your SIL seem similar in your pettiness and attention seeking. (There still wasn't anything wrong with the dress, though.)

Your SIL is batshit. I’m glad that you read it!

Congratulations on your marriage!

I am not going to defend people. I wanted my in laws to be viewed positively therefore I tried to help by explaining about traditions.. It's not my job lecture guests about gossiping on my wedding day. I have met a lots of people who gossip it's not like it's reserved for one culture, people gossip- that is life.

Anyway it is not mean to say I can't believe your SIL wore a white dress when it is abnormal in that culture to wear something white or something mostly white and also there is every other colour available. It's expressing amazement and sympathy.

Amazement! As if anyone is boring enough to be amazed by an unremarkable wedding guest's dress.

Please do enlighten me as to which culture is so hung up on dresses with any white on being unacceptable.

So that you can say disparaging things? no thanks

Right-o. Didn't think there was one. Thanks for confirming that, and the general unconvincing nature of the whole thread.

Ok!

So do you all, including your SIL, live in a place where female wedding guests wearing outfits with any white at all it will be subject to side glances and horrified whispers about their egregious breach of etiquette?

This can't be for real.
I was wondering if hobbs lady would come back and update.

However, just in case it's real....please give us all of the wedding details. Everything!!

I've just found the previous threads, on the first thread she refused to reveal the actual dress so she felt she got an unfair number of votes against her decision to wear a mostly white dress.

The second thread, she revealed the dress in the OP, and over 2000 people though the OP was unreasonable.. this isn't just one person speaking about what is acceptable in their culture.. 2000 individual people either thought the dress was inappropriate for a wedding where the bride has specifically asked no one to wear white, or thought her attitude towards the bride was pretty horrible (which it was).

People vote for all kinds of reasons and partial responses to various aspects of the thread. It's no indication of how many people actually thought the dress, once it was revealed, was actually unreasonable.

Even if it was unreasonable it doesn't make it anything other than hideously embarrassing for OP that her guests allegedly gossiped about it. Nobody comes out well of this fiction but the bride and her coven come out of it worse than the SIL.

Ive now caught up on the whole thread. I have 2 comments.

1. we need to vote who was the most unreasonable, bride or the hobbs lady.
2. I had pizza and chips for dinner. It was a waitrose meal deal.

I'm with you OP. My dad brought his partner to a family wedding. They had been together for years but we didn't know her as they lived abroad. She isn't from our country.

She is a lovely woman (I discovered in subsequent years) and I felt sorry for her when she arrived and took her coat off. Her outfit was not at all wedding appropriate. She looked a little bit silly.

Also we have very clear rules about wedding gifts and hers was way off. I'm sure she was very uncomfortable.

My mother's family (probably out of misplaced solidarity) laughed and gossiped about her. She didn't deserve it.

Do you come from a culture where white is the colour of mourning, and that’s why you wouldn’t wear it at a wedding?

I am on a diet; please stop saying what you’re having for tea.

In many Asian cultures white is a color of death and mourning, and wearing a predominantly white dress at a wedding would be seen as wishing ill on the couple. Which SIL likely intended, based on her threads. I don’t recall her mentioning that the wedding wasn’t a traditional English one, which was quite important information to omit.

By wearing the dress, at what sounds like a wedding that centered OP’s culture, the SIL was inviting comment by the other guests.

Meh. If she didn’t want to be gossiped about then she could have chosen a different dress. She chose to embarrass herself and it was commented upon. Oh well.

Oooo The Company Shops been rubbish lately, I'm going to have make a visit for bakewell ice cream though.

I’m with OP here. She happened to mention to MIL that a dress such as the one she saw at her MIL’s house would be best avoided, and MIL misinterpreted it as her trying to control what SIL was wearing, and fed it back to SIL who then decided , instead of going oops better not than, that the (different) dress that she had chosen was hated by OP.

MIL and FIL cosplay.

what a sad misunderstanding. But at least you know what you’re dealing with OP. Send MIL a bunch of flowers saying thank you for your contribution, and back away very slowly. Communicate through your DH until you can be sure you are not misunderstood.

Nobody comes out well of this fiction but the bride and her coven come out of it worse than the SIL.

Really? I completely disagree, among other things SIL referred to the bride as:

'dramatic', 'entitled brat', referred to the brides dress being completely different 'because it is bigger', 'self centered because she isn't having bridesmaids and flower girls' (SIL has a little girl), 'could have at least had children in the wedding', 'my mum has paid for the wedding so why should they tell us what to wear'. she's having a 'hissy fit', she's a 'bridezilla', 'control freak'

oh and this little gem:

I really don’t think my brother cares what I wear and he knows women in our family wear whatever they want including white to weddings all the time.
But she is a control freak so forced him to send out a message about.

Says it all to be honest, she had no intention of respecting their wishes.

is this supposed to be the plot of a novel or something

Yes. I hadn’t seen it previously but just looked briefly at the link, and Person A and Person B do have very similar styles of story telling.

Ooh you e reminded me - I have a miniature Cherry Bakewell vodka hiding away in the cupboard . Not sure what to mix it with ?

I had a bakewell cocktail at Dylan's in Wales, it was delightful