Urgent help needed - toddler major meltdown and won’t go to sleep

[Embarrassedmumoftoddler]

I’m totally at the end of my tether right now - my previously good sleeper has become a terrible sleeper.

Tonight he repeatedly climbed out of his cot - I finally managed to get him to sleep on the floor in his room and then accidentally woke him up trying to transfer him back.

This was over an hour ago and he is refusing to stay in his room, screaming his head off etc. I’ve tried staying calm and taking him back to his room (the floor not cot as he keeps climbing out) but he is just screaming and running back out. I’ve tried calming him down but every time I leave the room he’s going back to screaming again.

I’ve just absolutely lost it with him which I feel awful about but he’s just relentless and won’t give in. I’m on my own as DH is away with work.

Obviously I’ll be taking the sides off the cot tomorow but can anyone please help me get him to sleep now? I reallr don’t want to give in and let him sleep in my bed as irs been over an hours battle and I don’t want to teach him he can just get his own way if he screams enough

Lie on the floor with him?

Teething? Earache? Try calpol and a warm drink.
Is room too hot?

Someone more sensible will be along here soon but getting in the cot to sooth them always worked for me.

he will be overtired, hot and bothered. Put him somewhere safe and take a breather if you need to.

Floor is always good. Put a duvet on the floor, 2 pillows. Lie down with him. He has just got past himself and needs a cuddle and reassurance.

Re-set, you’re both stressed out.
Take him downstairs or to your room, give him a drink of warm milk and read some stories then try again when he’s calmed down and sleepy.
One night out of routine is not the end of the world.

Toddlers are like dogs, they smell fear 😂. You need to remain as calm and unbothered as possible. Stop the bed time process and play a small game or read a book. Or have a cuddle on your bed. Then start again once every one is calm.

I really want to avoid lying with him if possible as he’s been waking up at the crack of dawn so I’ve been lying in his room to get him back to sleep and now I think I’ve made a bit of a rod for my own back as he expects it now.

Up till 2 weeks ago he was a perfect sleeper, all I needed to do was put him in the cot and leave the room so this is a shock to the system and I’m feeling like the worst mum as I’ve got cross with him

So you want to teach him that you won't be there for him when he's extremely upset. Just let him sleep in your bed and look after him.

I promise that when he is a teenager he will sleep in his own room and you will not be able to get him out of bed.
He is just little and he has frightened himself.

It’s really normal for sleeping patterns to change.

How old is he? He might be feeling lonely or worried about being separate from you.

Honestly, there are no rods, there are no backs, everything changes that's the only constant. Just do what you need to tonight, if that's bringing him in your bed then fine. Or bring him in then you sleep on the floor on his mattress or duvet once he's off - if you need a bit of space from him clawing at you in the night.

Maybe he is hot, or coming down with something. When you're in the thick of it, everything feels so important! You don't realise that with children there is always another chance, another day - a day when you are both calmer, a day when he feels good, secure, well - there will be a time for reestablishing cot sleeping. It might even be tomorrow.

Thanks this has made me feel even worse than I already do.

I have been lying with him, bringing him into my bed but it’s making his sleep worse as he’s waking up in the night and I’m not there

He’s 21 months - I’ve adjusted naps and bedtimes but it’s just not working.

He is super independent during thr day and isn’t showing any separation anxiety signs during the day

Love this.

If the kid is inconsolable and it's out of character for him then I would listen first of all. It might be pain or fear (does it feel like either to you?) Get some space, check him over and show him that he's safe and loved. Try again from a regulated place.

Routines can be great but you are not a failure if you need to do something different tonight. They aren't a benchmark for success. Do what you need.

oh love, just let him fall asleep with you. Your DH is away.. tackle it as a couple and tag team when he returns.

I have been lying with him, bringing him into my bed but it’s making his sleep worse as he’s waking up in the night and I’m not there

Why aren’t you there? Can you keep him with you all night?

No it might not be ideal but he’s only a baby, he just needs his mum right now.

I strongly agree there are no rods and no backs, only meeting their needs, whatever they may be. So many of us have been there, it feels relentless at the time but goes so quickly.

ETA I remember so clearly one night with my eldest she was driving me absolutely fucking mental waking up grumbling. I woke up after a shit night in a bloody awful mood to find she was covered in chicken pox! You never know what’s going on with them.

Don't fight with a distraught child. Just take a deep breath. Assess for pain, thirst, hunger, fear, disorientation. Then reassure, cuddle, keep him close, give calpol as a precaution.

He's communicating with you in the only way he knows how.
He wants (needs!) your reassurance and presence.
He's 21 months - he's only tiny still. Give him what he needs. Breathe. Distract through love and cuddles. Reset.

This 💯

Mine is the same age and has also gone from being left in the cot to needing support getting to sleep. He can't climb out the cot yet, but I have been lying with him until hes asleep or very nearly asleep. It wont be forever, he just needs me a bit more at the moment for whatever reason. Its easy to get bogged down in thinking you're making things worse for future you, but I've learnt to just deal with the present moment. Everything's a phase, try not to be hard on yourself. You obviously care and want to do best by him, its hard to see straight when you're exhausted at the end of the day.

If he isn’t wet, soiled, unwell, frightened, in pain or whatever, it’s time to sleep.
He can’t tantrum all night. He will wear himself out eventually.

Reset and change the environment

• open the window
• put some (gentle) music on
• soft lights
• give him a drink

And Calpol!

Get him in with you and go to sleep

I'd let him in your bed tonight because realistically you can't expect to have him go to sleep contentedly on the floor. Sort the new bed tomorrow and then do lift and return until you win the battle. But don't battle anymore tonight.