Urgent help needed - toddler major meltdown and won’t go to sleep

[Embarrassedmumoftoddler]

I’m totally at the end of my tether right now - my previously good sleeper has become a terrible sleeper.

Tonight he repeatedly climbed out of his cot - I finally managed to get him to sleep on the floor in his room and then accidentally woke him up trying to transfer him back.

This was over an hour ago and he is refusing to stay in his room, screaming his head off etc. I’ve tried staying calm and taking him back to his room (the floor not cot as he keeps climbing out) but he is just screaming and running back out. I’ve tried calming him down but every time I leave the room he’s going back to screaming again.

I’ve just absolutely lost it with him which I feel awful about but he’s just relentless and won’t give in. I’m on my own as DH is away with work.

Obviously I’ll be taking the sides off the cot tomorow but can anyone please help me get him to sleep now? I reallr don’t want to give in and let him sleep in my bed as irs been over an hours battle and I don’t want to teach him he can just get his own way if he screams enough

If you wont bring him into your bed then this. Also rub his back or tummy and sing soft nursery rhymes.

If he still won't sleep within 20mins, give up for now and start ruling out hunger, thirst, toileting, heat, and pain/discomfort. Read a book, have a little play (quiet play, low lights( and start your bedtime routine again!

He's probably scared and insecure because his Daddy is away, and he is far too young to understand what it means when you say 'he'll be back'. He doesn't have a sense of time. Give him the reassurance he needs now.

Thank you for all the advice everyone -
I think the break in typing out my post reset things a little and I took him back to his room and then sat in the doorway and he did lie down and seems to have gone to sleep

I did try calming him down and then trying to get him back into his room before but he would just get really worked up again - I’ve taken on board what everyone said about no such thing as a rod for own back and offering more comfort when he gets in a state and I feel awful that he’s gone to sleep on such a bad note with me. Just really struggling with the complete change in sleep atm and he’s so strong willed I’m nervous that giving in to him will just deteriorate the situation even more.

My son sleeping in our bed is really not an option once my husband is back as he’s an extremely light sleeper with a very stressful job so I’m desperately trying to make sure this doesn’t happen

Well done! Well done for keeping your cool and not catastrophising. He will in no way be traumatised or upset or feel disconnected with you- you heard what he needed and he knew you were there. He will wake up with the same happy smile, excited to see you, as every morning. Albeit at 4.45am bwhahahaha.

Just a quick reflection on DH/job - everything has a season. Would it be terrible if DH had a 4 month season of sleeping on a mattress in his son's room so you and DS could sleep Ok? I know it isn't your preference, I'm just saying, if there's a period coming of DS wanting more night reassurance, then leaning in always works better than fighting it IMHO!!

My DC slept through the night from 1.5yrs to nearly 3. Then one day just didn't. It was infuriating and I didn't handle it well - it's so difficult when yesterday they could sleep perfectly!

After a week or so of them absolutely refusing to stay in their bed I realised they just needed to be near me. I assume some kind of separation anxiety. There was a long period where the only way they'd sleep through the night was in my bed, so that's what we did (tbh I enjoyed it).

But they came out the other side again of course.

Just let him sleep in your bed and look after him.

Something is upsetting him or scary for him. The weather has a lot of people off.
I would buy a low single bed with a small rail or a small double bed.
Try to stay calm, you are all he’s got, he’s not trying to be a pain in the neck as much as it feels like it.
Stick with it keeping him in his own room, I was always envious of parents who have children who sleep easy in their own room, it took me years to get mine out of my bed. Shudder.

I am glad your son seems to have settled. Hopefully you can get some decent sleep. This is one of those things that will seem better in the morning.
You have a plan, removing cot sides, so if he wakes again don't stress each other out just take him to bed and start on the new plan tomorrow.

It doesn't seem like it at time but his wanting you really is a compliment, he feels scared or upset and you are his go to for comfort.

Humans slept together since the dawn of time, for comfort, protection, warmth, it’s a natural instinct. It’s only in the last 20/30 years that a lot of children are expected to sleep alone, there wasn’t the space, many siblings, etc. Those natural instincts affect babies and children who have their own bedroom. The empty pack.

Crikey, still in a cot at 21 months. That must fell like prison or solitary confinement.
My sister started screaming and being really unhappy in the cot at about 12 months. Once the side was left down, the situation improved, but she was in a proper bed pdq. She is 62 now.

Baby and child sleep rarely stays the same. I had a great sleeper as a newborn then BAM 4m sleep regression hit.

Then she finally started sleeping through at 2 something, and then stopped when she was 3 because she said showing they was for 2 year olds!

You had a good run from the sounds of it, and now you're back in the land of the knackered. I've made that jump more times than I can remember. All that for me though was remembering that it doesn't last forever, and at least I'd had a good run, some kids don't even give you that looking at youngest...

Seriously though, give him the comfort he needs.

OP we had this at the exact same age - good sleeper since birth then suddenly wouldn’t go down. Started cuddling her to sleep on my bed but that got longer and longer and became untenable.

googled the gentle sleep train where you wait one minute, then three minutes and so on and followed it to a tee. Night one we got to step 3, night two we got to step two that was it, problem solved, in all of that she cried for a max of 10 mins (much less than she’d been crying when I was trying and clearly somehow failing to comfort her).

good luck it’s horrible and for what it’s worth I think you’re right to not to want to co sleep

Adults and kids of all ages have been really disrupted by the heat. You’re expecting way too much of your tiny child who needs cuddles and soothing.

Loosing it with a young child because they are no longer a “perfect sleeper” is really sad. Sleep on the floor or let him sleep in your bed. I bet you have cuddles at night from a partner and I bet you wake up in the night as well now and again.

Exactly. I grew up in a small house with siblings and never ever slept alone my own bedroom until I left home and went to uni. The thought of tiny kids being made to sleep in empty rooms ignored and upset is so sad.

"Up till 2 weeks ago he was a perfect sleeper, all I needed to do was put him in the cot and leave the room so this is a shock to the system and I’m feeling like the worst mum as I’ve got cross with him"

That's not unusual: lots of development/ changes take place around that age. When my kids (2&4) won't sleep I offer a snack/milk as it is often hunger. Also, new teeth, growth/growing pains, active minds as new things are learned and any changes to routines are just some things that can affect sleep/staying asleep/winding down for the night. Don't beat yourself up. If cuddling your dc etc helps then do it. It gives security as they're still developing emotional regulation.

Hope you both managed a good sleep. 💕

Hi OP, I hope you managed to get some sleep as well last night.

You are right ot say it's a shock to the system but I think you're heading for a big change moment in terms of sleep anyway, as taking the side off the cot creates a freedom they didn't have before. So you'll most likely need a new bedtime routine to reflect that. My youngest climbed out of the cot at 18 months then screamed himself sick when we tried putting a stairgate across his bedroom door in an attempt to get him to stay in his room (just like we'd done with DC1 with no issues) .

I ended up sleeping on a mattress on his floor for a while, then when we trusted him to be quiet enough he shared a room with his brother for a while so he didn't feel alone. He's now 6 and goes to bed fine in his own room, it was just a case of doing what it took at the time to make sure everybody got enough sleep.

I’d just stop trying to leave the room? We always sit / lie with my toddler til she’s asleep. Get a floor bed in his room, we switched to that at 12 months and it’s been great; so much better than a cot. I wish we’d switched even younger.
Then you can lie / sleep there with him rather than bringing him to your bed.
If you want to try changes to nap / bedtime timings then you need to make a change for a few weeks to see a difference.

I absolutely loathe the "they are only little just let them sleep with you" brigage. That DOES NOT WORK for everyone and it DOES NOT make you a bad mother if you just don't want to do it. My previously amazing sleeper has had two similar wobbles to what you describe, once at 3 and once at 5. At 3 we were all over the place with dealing with it and it was a truly awful 6 weeks for everyone. DC was crying, I was crying, DH was ratty, no one was sleeping. We ended up essentially doing CIO one time, DC cried for 20 minutes while we held the door and then it was not a problem again. At age 5, I went on a work trip and when i got back, DC got SUPER clingy. I walked her back to bed like... 45 times some nights but I went with the stay super calm and do not interact at all. I would just pick her up, put her in bed and leave the room. SOmetimes she would be one step behind me. It took 2-3 days of really high number of walking back but then rapidly decreased.

Personally I’d be prioritising the 21 month old baby who needs you now over the husband who could quite easily sleep elsewhere until your baby is old enough and secure enough to sleep alone which he clearly isn’t right now. And when I did, my husband totally understood and supported what was best for our baby.

Being in a cot for an under 2 year old is perfectly normal, faux shock 'crikey' in no way helpful or kind so don't do it.

So we just gave up with the sleep training and for our first son we coslept and took him in our bed. Second son we put a bed in his room. Other have said get in the cot. Yes I have done this too. It’s so tough I was never able to do a whole sleep training thing, we had work and needed to sleep and couldn’t be up all night doing it
we are slightly older parents and my parents saying to sleep train and explaining how they did it wasn’t helpful as they were in their early 20s when they had me and had a lot more energy than us in our mid 30s to relentlessly sleep train through the night . I absolutely would have lived to have been better at this but we could not be up all night and so did whatever was necessary to get enough sleep to cope with the day.

I hope you got a decent night's sleep @Embarrassedmumoftoddler . Just wanted to reassure you that its fine not to want to co-sleep with your child. Co-sleeping is great if it suits all parties and results in better sleep all round but it doesnt work for everyone and its completely fine if its not for your family.

Jeez I’m a strict mum and even I couldn’t leave such a small child inconsolable in his cot; something is really bothering him.

Might be an unpopular opinion but a lot of kids this age are too young to sleep on their own. He’s frightened to sleep on his own; maybe he’s had a bad dream.

I sleep with my 4 year old son; sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night in a fright shouting “mummy!” before being reassured that I’m right there - and he falls straight back to sleep again.

Honestly this is so needed for their forming nervous system. Time will go in a blink of an eye.

My husband alternates so he sleeps with him sometimes. He genuinely loves night cuddles with our son. And seeing his sleepy face first thing in the morning.

Yes we don’t share a bed with my husband but this doesn’t affect our sex life. Plus both him and I have an amazing close bond with our son.

You dont have to give in to having him in your bed. It doesnt work for everyone, your sleep matters too.

You need a reset. Turn a lamp on, get him some milk, read a few stories to calm him down then try again.

And for all the people saying awwwwww hes only little you wont still be doing it when he's 8

My friend STILL has to lie with her 9 year old to get her going to sleep!!!!