Urgent help needed - toddler major meltdown and won’t go to sleep

[Embarrassedmumoftoddler]

I’m totally at the end of my tether right now - my previously good sleeper has become a terrible sleeper.

Tonight he repeatedly climbed out of his cot - I finally managed to get him to sleep on the floor in his room and then accidentally woke him up trying to transfer him back.

This was over an hour ago and he is refusing to stay in his room, screaming his head off etc. I’ve tried staying calm and taking him back to his room (the floor not cot as he keeps climbing out) but he is just screaming and running back out. I’ve tried calming him down but every time I leave the room he’s going back to screaming again.

I’ve just absolutely lost it with him which I feel awful about but he’s just relentless and won’t give in. I’m on my own as DH is away with work.

Obviously I’ll be taking the sides off the cot tomorow but can anyone please help me get him to sleep now? I reallr don’t want to give in and let him sleep in my bed as irs been over an hours battle and I don’t want to teach him he can just get his own way if he screams enough

I feel your pain. Just went through the same with my just turned 2 year old after she started trying to climb out the cot (she couldnt yet) and had bad separation anxiety after being ill too. Ended up with a few days of her sleeping with me. We decided to plan for when we took her cot side down when both me and my husband were home (he does night shifts so when im on my own I always do the easiest thing for me as I also have work the next day). Ordered some wall stickers and new duvet cover etc in her latest favourite thing and cuddly toy of it. Prepped her about her new room, telling her she had new bedding etc. How exciting it was. First night she climbed into bed but started to cry when I went to leave. It was during the heatwave and we agreed leaving her to cry even for a few mins in this heat wouldnt help anyone calm down. I told her id sit with her for a bit whilst she fell asleep but then id be downstairs. We did that for a few nights. Then I started to say to her mummy be back in a minute im getting a drink/book/phone/putting washing away. Make sure you come back. Then eventually I just took longer to come back. And now she will put herself to bed again.

Its so hard when you suddenly lose a confident self settling sleeper!

I’d just stop trying to leave the room? We always sit / lie with my toddler til she’s asleep.

What if op is a busy working mum & needs that time to relax herself? She might want to see friends, exercise, catch up on work. You do not have to be a slave to a tyrant toddler. I refused, my kids are older & are happy, confident kids now whom I have a fantastic bond with.

Stair gate across the door and leave him to it

I am a full time working mum? And it’s quicker to sit with my child til shes asleep than keep trying to leave. And I have a very active social life thank you - on the nights where my husband does bedtime. Pretty pathetic you think im a slave for giving my tiny (and only) child some attention and love after being apart all day.

Thanks for all the posts on here - just to say I’ve been sitting in this room while he goes off of to sleep and then when he’s woken up in the morning I’ve gone back into his room and stayed there until it’s time to wake up.

Unfortunately nights just seem to be getting worse. 2 days ago he was awake at 4 and I had to sleep on the floor with him, last night it was 2am and tonight he’s been awake since 1130.

Really dreading another night on the floor in his room but every time I think he’s asleep and go to move he’s crying again. Just utterly baffled at what’s happened to make his sleep so bad

I’m of the opinion that sleep is the #1 most important thing for our family.

At this age we had very similar issues and I just said stuff it and bought a queen size bed for our 2 year old.

Either myself or my partner would often end up in their bed with teething, illness, nightmares etc. But a bigger bed meant we had half a chance at a good nights sleep.

Can you read the OP’s post and actually take on board why she doesn’t want to do that.
And she can ‘look after him’ without allowing him to sleep in her bed. How insulting.

OP, I’m glad you got there in the end! Sounds like you did a great job, so don’t beat yourself up 🙂

Sounds like it's time to move to a bed not a cot for him.

Hear hear

Good morning you say you have tweaked naps and bedtime, can I ask what that looks like ? Agree with others that a bed may be better than a cot and also that you may all sleep better in bed together. Humans are virtually the only mammal that tries to separate infants from their mothers.

I have moved him into a bed now but every night his sleep is getting worse.

@Neurodiversitydoctor so he was napping at 1230 for 2 hours and sleeping 630-630. He is now doing an hour at 1230 and going to sleep at 7. I don’t think the answer is dropping naps as he is exhausted by naptime and just generally looking absolutely shattered

Need for connection is totally normal at this age. Developmental leaps, plus the discomfort of teething and growth spurts can make it hard for them to sleep alone. Would you fit a small double in his room? IKEA offer cheap low to the ground options. Then hop in with him on the nights he needs you. I've done it with all mine, and over time they need you less and less. Best way for everyone to get a good night's sleep.

It's just a phase that many children go through, it won't last forever. But your partner isn't the only one who needs sleep and you shouldn't be getting severely reduced sleep so that he can be wholly undisturbed.

If the little one will go back to sleep in bed with you but that disturbs your partner, then partner can go sleep in the single bed (my DH did this, he also has a very stressful job but there was a year when DD would wake most nights, she would come to find me and he would then get out of bed. Most mornings he would wake up in dd's princess bed without much memory of the midnight bed swap!). Alternatively if there is space in his bedroom, get the toddler a double bed so you can go in there.

He's 21 months. That's not many months in the grand scheme of things.

Just like adults, children are very variable, because they're just small humans. All adults have a patch where sleep is affected by something. We have created an expectation of children to be almost super human. They are physically and mentally and emotionally growing at an exponential rate, yet we expect them to achieve something most adults can't, which is perfect sleep every night. Not going to happen. Take a look at the sleep remedies section in Boots.

he’s so strong willed I’m nervous that giving in to him will just deteriorate the situation even more.

You're heading at this through fear. That's never going to end well. It sounds like you feel you need to "fix" this because your husband wont' like it if you don't. That's not reasonable. You've got a toddler in the house, and that can be chaos, that's very normal. Everyone's sleep is going to go through periods of disruption, everyone's life is going to be turned around with the addition of a child.

Think about what your goal is, for me it was a double mattress on the floor because at the end of the day as long as everyone was lying down and asleep I didn't really care where that happened or what it looked like. Fast forward and I can tell you that my back is completely rod free, and my children grown up, thriving, independent and beautifully well balanced emotionally. No ill effects to report.

Maybe socialising nd relaxing etc shouldnt more important than just staying in the room with an inconsolable toddler for an extra 15 or so minutes to help settle them and make them feel safe. If someone has time to write on Mumsnet at that crucial moment, there is time to wait and console the tiny child.

Unfortunately this just happens sometimes with kids. It's completely normal and developmental but will not last forever. I'd urge you to choose the path of least resistance and make yourself comfy.

It sounds like you’ve had a drop in sleep needs. He was previously doing 14 hours total sleep in 24, which is the top end of average for his age. Now you’ve got 13 hours which may still be too much. Is wake up still 6.30am? If it is you have 6 hours of awake before first nap and only 5.5 between nap and bed. Typically you want the biggest wake window to be the one before bed. I’d move bedtime to at least 7.30pm. You could also try nap at 12 but keep to an hour. With any changes you need to try them for at least two weeks to see any difference.