MIL addiction to TEMU shopping

[MossGreenUmbrellas]

Will start by saying I know she means well but this is getting out of control. I’m a minimalist who loves things that can last almost forever so they ‘go through life’ with me so to speak but now we’ve got a storeroom full of junk.

I have a nice Patagonia jacket that I’ve been using for years and years and years. It tore while I was out with DH’s family. MIL said she could get them for cheap for me (from temu), I said no thanks I have something I’d like in mind and will be going to get it from the store next month. She’s told me she has ordered 3 pieces for me from temu!

I really have no intentions of wearing them. Aside from questionable quality I just don’t want to wear some knockoff or any of this fast fashion stuff.

This is a recurring pattern. Told her time and time again no thanks, I don’t want her to buy me stuff, I can’t use it anyway. Told her I don’t trust the quality and want to get my own stuff. Even did the angle where I was saying I don’t know how ethical the manufacturing is. Pointless. She stills buy them.

Once it was a variation of a Black Hole Duffel I use. Once I got 10 faux leather straps for my watch. Twice it was some Birkenstock looking sandals.

Telling her directly doesn’t work. Telling DH to tell her directly falls flat cause she’ll just say she’s trying to do something nice for us.

I feel bad for throwing them straight away because she did spend money on them but the charity shop near us won’t take them either!!

AIBU? I dread our visits now cause 100% of the time there’s more poor quality temu crap I’d have to put in storage.

You have to give it straight back to her. Don’t take it home. Say “I asked you not to buy this so I can’t take it. I will leave it here so you can return it”. Do this every time. It will feel rude but she is the one being unreasonable. And this is the only way she will get the message.

Show her all of the articles about dangerous clothing containing lead etc

Sounds like you’ve told her multiple times and she’s forgetting or ignoring you. I’d either accidentally forget to take the stuff with me or just bin it. Is she suffering with dementia?

Yup, as above.
The only thing you haven't done yet is politely refused to take the things from her. So time to do that.

If she's having to sit there and look at the stuff she's had to take back home, or that you didn't take with you, and has to return it then i think it will sink in. Might take a few go's tho ....

@MossGreenUmbrellas Completely unrelated, but Patagonia offers a repair service for some of their products so you might be able to get your jacket repaired instead of getting a new one! And I also relate... My MIL is the same (although with cheap Chinese crap from Amazon instead of Temu) and it's infuriating. I literally will say no to her face and leave it at hers, and she is slowly getting better. It took almost a decade, but I even managed to convince her that I'm perfectly happy with gift cards for Christmas!

Just say thank you that’s so kind but hand back straight away and say you’re not using anything temu/shein etc because
Unethical company /sweatshops
chemicals used in the manufacture and dye process etc not EU/UK approved for safety
Environmental impact of fast fashion etc

"but the charity shop near us won’t take them either!!" Really? brand new items?

I imagine charity shops have to be careful - the crap from Temu may well not have been tested to UK standards… does that make the charity shop liable if they sell something and it later turns out to contain lead? And some of the stuff is such crap quality that they’d probably just be disposing of it anyway, which costs them.

MIL used to be like this. I sent everything back to her. It stopped, eventually.

Agree with PP. You have to give it straight back to her to dispose of herself. "Thank you, MIL, but I have already ordered a jacket / don't use TEMU products for ethical reasons / don't need this so I am giving it back to you so you can return it and get your money back."

We had a similar situation with my MIL and repeatedly asked her not to buy things but she did not stop. It ended when DH had a genuine conversation with her about possible memory problems and how concerned he was - citing the number of times of the past year that she claimed to forget the things we'd talked about. Things are much better now!

We leave new stuff by the bins and the bin men take them for their own use. Put a label on saying 'free stuff, please take'. Ours are quite happy.

A friend's dd ended up in hospital recently..allergic reaction tp a taffeta dressing up tutu.
Maybe research similar issues amd send mil the links.

lol. As if. have you been in an actual charity shop recently? The shelves are full of this kind of tat.

I would leave it there and say you really didn’t want it.
If she asks why, ask is she really wanting to know ? And explain she won’t like the answer. Which she won’t.
Then tell her that you prefer to choose your own clothes. But also that Temu is highly likely to have very poor working conditions, use children, pay a pittance and you don’t really want to prop that sort of thing up. Buying from them does.

I avoid temu as I read on here that they steal your card details and sell them on to scammers.

It's really a hit or miss but most items have been rejected from the shop near us. Last time I went with a bagful I was told that they've been getting such an overwhelming number of donations that they're not taking most clothes anymore. The 'fake' headphones they wouldn't take, the plasticy-feeling socks I got in a bag of 20!! they wouldn't take, etc.

Sorry OP but think you’re getting this one confused. I don’t think they’re rejecting it as it’s tat…most stuff is arguably made in China. They won’t know it’s Temu and if it’s new it’s sort of irrelevant where it’s from.

They won’t accept socks because they’re considered underwear. Whilst yours are new, weird people will have tried to donate worn underwear so it’s a strict no. Charity shops also only have small storage rooms so it’s not uncommon to say no to items if they have lots of one thing - that isn’t a Temu concern.

The 10 watch straps really had me laughing 😆how is she burning through a watch strap so fast to think anyone would benefit from 10? Brilliant.

If you keep getting ‘stuff’ start being firmer and simply saying no, you mentioned before you don’t want items from Temu but thanks. Short, to the point. She will get over it.

My mum went through a habit of having clear outs. Then trying to offload her old items on me as “they’re good quality” so should get used. I laughed and said “if you don’t want your tat, why would I? Charity or recycling.” It’s now a little joke as she still can’t help but do it. 😂

I'd wrap everything up she's given and gift it all to her for Christmas.

I would say the following, on repeat if necessary, hundreds of times if necessary. Just do NOT accept a single thing from now on.

"I know you think you're being kind and helpful but I've told you many times that I don't want the stuff you buy me. I'm not going to accept anything from you now because you're not listening to my wishes. So please put the stuff back in the car / the bag and take it home. Thank you "

It’s a classic issue with boomers at the moment. The temu thing, I assume because it’s cheap etc they just fucking love it. My in laws are the same and I’m just like ??? It’s cheap china shite.

I’m a boomer - me and many of my friends are into cutting down crap , following Swedish death cleaning principles. In fact my millennial offspring told me the other day that I needed to add a few pieces to my wardrobe. To be honest I’m not sure how I would order Temu and Shien.

Obviously polite concerns aren't working. She doesn’t care so she’ll doesn’t understand why you would care either. So it’s time to be politely blunt. If she tries to hand you a bag of stuff, say no thank you and that you told her why you don’t want stuff from Temu. If she leaves stuff on the side, remind her to take it with her when she goes because the local charity shop won’t take it, you haven’t got time to go searching for one that will and your bins are almost full.

It sounds like you've been really blunt, I'm not sure even giving them back will help stop her. Instead I'd find a way to get rid of it all that makes you feel ok. Is there a war on waste page or does your area have a way you can just leave stuff out for free? A friend who sells anything/everything on vinted?
I hate the idea of it all going in the bin so I'm sure there's a way around that.
Obviously it's very annoying, and you could really die on a hill about it, but it's coming from love. I think it comes from a similar place as over feeders and the like. Some people just really need to "give" stuff. I think if you want to really die on a hill, just don't take it away with you. Simply hand it back/leave it at her house but I think this definitely will hurt her feelings so depends if you're happy with that.

Thank you so much your highness ,do you have any cake
we can eat ?-signed the Bin Men