MIL addiction to TEMU shopping

[MossGreenUmbrellas]

Will start by saying I know she means well but this is getting out of control. I’m a minimalist who loves things that can last almost forever so they ‘go through life’ with me so to speak but now we’ve got a storeroom full of junk.

I have a nice Patagonia jacket that I’ve been using for years and years and years. It tore while I was out with DH’s family. MIL said she could get them for cheap for me (from temu), I said no thanks I have something I’d like in mind and will be going to get it from the store next month. She’s told me she has ordered 3 pieces for me from temu!

I really have no intentions of wearing them. Aside from questionable quality I just don’t want to wear some knockoff or any of this fast fashion stuff.

This is a recurring pattern. Told her time and time again no thanks, I don’t want her to buy me stuff, I can’t use it anyway. Told her I don’t trust the quality and want to get my own stuff. Even did the angle where I was saying I don’t know how ethical the manufacturing is. Pointless. She stills buy them.

Once it was a variation of a Black Hole Duffel I use. Once I got 10 faux leather straps for my watch. Twice it was some Birkenstock looking sandals.

Telling her directly doesn’t work. Telling DH to tell her directly falls flat cause she’ll just say she’s trying to do something nice for us.

I feel bad for throwing them straight away because she did spend money on them but the charity shop near us won’t take them either!!

AIBU? I dread our visits now cause 100% of the time there’s more poor quality temu crap I’d have to put in storage.

Talking to her obviously isn't working. You need to use your actions to show her you are serious. Refuse to have them, put them into her hands and make her take them home. Tell her if she keeps bringing crap over then she won't be Bke to come anymore because she is ignoring you.

I agree you’re just going to have to hand it directly back to her with a polite but firm refusal. A friend did this years ago with something I’d bought for her that was completely wrong for her. I’ve never forgotten it.

This isn’t a ‘boomer’ thing fgs. Some people enjoy buying utter shite and some people don’t.

I'm a boomer and wouldn't touch the Temu stuff. I hate cheap throwaway clothes. I understand the OPs stance.

My 92-year old MIL is similarly addicted to Temu! She made so many purchases in the run-up to Christmas that they cancelled her card, thinking it had been stolen…

My own mother also has a Temu addiction!! It’s unbearable.

I struggle with dealing with clutter and I’ve asked her to please stop with buying the kids absolute tat and toys that break after 1st use. She bought 5 bin bag sized bags worth of unwanted gifts at Christmas. Think see through t-shirts with tacky slogans, mugs, tea towels, aprons, all the same (I needed none of this). She also bought 100% polyester clothes for my newborn to wear during a heatwave. None of it is personal, or particularly wanted, it’s given because buying it gives her a buzz. I’ve actually found it quite hurtful because she doesn’t care. I’ve asked her not to buy anything else for me or the kids from Temu and now she just lies and says it’s from elsewhere. I’m not a snob, I don’t expect anything from her, let alone anything expensive. I’ve suggested Tesco baby clothes as an alternative but it landed on deaf ears. I hate clutter, I hate waste, I have having to throw things in the bin after one use because it’s not something that can be passed on. She’ll tell me she purchased something ridiculously cheap, and all I can think about is the child/exploitative labour that went into the product which is going into U.K landfill after less than 3 uses.

It. Is. A. Nightmare.

TEMU and Shein have an almost gambling nature to their websites if you look properly. It wouldn’t shock me if people are addicted and then give things away to affirm that they’re not addicted as they’re helping others.

Cant stand the stuff from there.

You will only change her behaviour by changing yours. Refuse her purchases, don’t take them home. You need to be consistent.

Not sure how you get to that conclusion? I suspect many of all ages buy from it. Preferring to turn a blind eye to child labour, slave labour and pittance pay in favour of a bargain. Shameful.

My Mum used to do this but with charity shop stuff. I told her multiple times and it didn’t help. I actually think it’s rude and realising that helped me to be really really firm (it was firm enough that it felt rude) and just started saying no thank you and not holding my hand out to take the item. If she left it I immediate put it in the dustbin outside. If someone blatantly ignores your requests then it’s their problem when their money is wasted IMO. My Mum has moved on to really shit versions of things I would buy for myself from the supermarket. Like Christmas candles in June that lost their smell 4 months earlier and were reduced to 50p because no one wants them. It drives me mental! Some people love a ‘bargain’ it’s not a bargain if it’s shit though is it? 😂

I get the issue. But please don’t just throw things away because you don’t want them. Donate to a baby bank / women’s refuge / homeless shelter . Some people can’t be choosy about where things come from

I think, given that you've been clear with her and it hasn't worked, I would either leave them with her explicitly, as others have suggested, or take to stealth hiding them around her property. Lay pieces flat under sofa cushions, hide items at the back of wardrobes and drawers or hang them in the back of wardrobes. Put a box high up in the garage. Lay things flat under rugs. Stuff then into cushion covers, or the backs of kitchen cabinets, etc. And if caught, laugh! Ti's but a game she plays.

I have the same issue but with my mum. What makes it worse is I'm pregnant (currently 39w) and for most of my pregnancy, until recently, she has bought various products for the baby on either temu or random websites that she gets Facebook ads for. She just doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference between these websites and reputable websites.

I've had to be really blunt and told her from now on I will only accept items from British brands so it's as clear for her as possible. The reason I've had to be so specific is It got to a point where she bought a travel pram from a website I didn't trust and I refused to even take the pram in my home. (Pram cost next to nothing , clearly a Chinese website, no reviews , I was shocked it actually was delivered).

I had told her multiple times prior to this that I will not accept equipment for the baby from these sort of websites and she continued to purchase which led to me refusing the pram. It worked and she hasn't bought anything from these sites since then. I have accepted clothes and small toys from temu and Facebook ad questionable websites to keep the peace but for me I had to draw the line or I know it would have continued.

It's so hard as she's my mum, I want her to feel involved and I know her intention is good. It wasn't easy conversations but I'm glad I had them. For further context my mum has been scammed a couple of times now, it seems due to putting her card details into sites that a lot of people would see red flags for but she just doesn't seem able to recognise it.

Charity shops can't sell potentially toxic crap with no testing to British safety standards. It's not legal to sell most Temu stuff in this country.

This is a horrendous attitude. You wouldn't risk this stuff with your own baby but poor babies should be grateful for any old dangerous crap??

Not everything sold on TEMU is dangerous.

The point is you can't tell, so it's awful to be happy to risk other people's babies because they're poor.

I hate both websites with a passion and have never bought anything from Temu or Shein. They are clever at what they do though - they are trying to get you t buy in quantity by giving incentives for purchasing more and more. Clearance sales, free delivery.

Father in law is just the same. MIL had an op recently and needed a pair of "sensible" shoes, rather than buying a pair of Skechers which she'd expressed an interest in, he went on Temu and bought three shitty, poorly-made pairs for the same price.

Until recently I volunteered in a charity shop, clothing from Temu/Shein was a really hard sell because people know it cost 50p originally so is worth nothing second hand. It is poorly-made and does not stand up to being washed. Shops (even charity shops!) are not allowed to sell toys which are not CE marked. Shit you buy from Temu is not tested. Straight in the bin. Electricals should be PAT tested, we couldn't do that so couldn't sell them either. We wouldn't have sold things like cosmetics or toiletries without ingrdients lists. Selling counterfeits is illegal. But the biggest barrier to Temu/Shein stuff is desirability, nobody wants to walk into a shop and see shelves filled of shite which people ordered and didn't keep.

The only way to handle this OP is to hand it back to your MIL and tell her to send it back for a refund.

Maybe she can discover Vinted selling

Interestingly I wonder if it’s a thing with more women of a certain generation because my own mother is the same, and whenever I go into the local charity shop (run by ladies in their 70’s) they’re always on it/ shopping/ talking about it. I don’t think they know the risks/ ethical reasons why it’s a horrible place to shop.

I did not know I had a sister in law but it sounds like your mother in law is my mother 😂 sorry, no solution here, do tell if you find a way that works though!

Oh god! Sounds like my actual mother - she’s obsessed with Temu… some of the things she gives me she doesn’t even have to tell me it’s from there I can just tell from the appalling quality.

i think your MIL means very well and it’s so lovely she thinks of you… but could you just send the stuff she gives to charity? Or would she ask you why you’re not wearing it? MIL gives me stuff all the time and in pictures she’s like ‘that’s not the XYZ’ I gave you… so that’s tricky but hopefully she’s not like that

I think you'll have to just hand it back with a firm no. If she has to take it all home with her she might give up.

I don't get this quantity over quality thing. She probably thinks she's being generous but it's so stressful for you so each time you say no.

Charity shops don't want that crap either.

That's absolutely right; everyone over 55 has no taste, and is without ethics.

This 👆 The returns process is actually very straightforward. She can easily obtain refunds.