I'm 35 year old man, I have been with my wife who is also 35 since we were in school. We've been married for 7 years and have two kids.
Even though we went to the same school, we always had different friend groups because of university and later work. We also did long distance for a few years.
One thing that has never changed is that I have never been comfortable with her friend group, especially her four Besties. We were always civil, but that's about it.
The reason is pretty simple they never liked me, and I never liked them. Some of the guys in that group bullied me back in school, even before I started dating my wife, and they continued after we got together. My wife always says, "We were teenagers. It was a long time ago. Everyone has grown up." I understand what she's saying, but honestly, I don't feel like those experiences just disappear because we're adults now.
What bothers me more is how much influence her friends seem to have over her.
For example, last year we bought a house together. We both paid 50/50 from money we earned ourselves. The original plan was for the house to be in both our names. Then, right before signing the paperwork, my wife suddenly wanted it to be only in her name because she wanted to own something herself. She told I already have a villa and a share in a family vineyard, but it came through inheritance from my parents and family business, Infact she also has inherited property from her family. This house was different because we both worked and paid equally for it.
I agreed because I didn't want a huge fight, but I can't shake the feeling that this idea didn't come from nowhere. Knowing her friends, I have a hard time believing they weren't involved.
Another thing happened about two months ago. My wife went on a weekend trip with her friend group (around 10–12 people). While I was at work, she called asking if she could take my favorite car because they were short one vehicle. I almost never let anyone else drive it except her, but I trusted her and said yes.
The next day, they came back, and one of the guys who used to bully me was driving my car. I was furious. When I brought it up later, my wife just said, "Sorry." That was the end of the conversation.
Since we bought this house, her friends also come over about once a month, usually on a Friday, for parties. Our garden ends up full of people I genuinely don't like. I mostly stay inside or avoid them because I don't want drama, but it's my home too.
Whenever I tell my wife how I feel, she says this is my issue to deal with. She says she isn't cutting off her friends because they're her support system, What I am asking for is some consideration. I feel like I'm constantly expected to compromise while my feelings get brushed aside. It honestly feels like I have very little say when it comes to decisions that affect both of us.
There are other situations where I feel her closest friends have influenced decisions in our marriage, but this post is already getting long. Am I overreacting here?