AIBU to keep photos of myself displayed in my bedroom?

[ThisPeppyWriter]

A few friends came round for dinner and commented on the fact that I have a lot of pictures of myself displayed in my bedroom. They said it came across as self-centred, and one person even suggested I should take them down, saying they would call the police if I didn’t.

I have been thinking about whether they had a point and whether having lots of pictures of myself in my bedroom could genuinely come across that way. I can understand that everyone has different tastes and that some people might prefer a more neutral or less personal space.

At the same time, I live by myself and I’m single at the moment, so my bedroom is a personal space that reflects me. I do have pictures of my adult children displayed around the rest of my house, but the pictures in my bedroom are of my own memories, experiences, and moments that are important to me.

I don’t want to dismiss how others might see it, and I understand that not everyone would choose to decorate their bedroom the same way. But I was hurt by the way it was presented, as it felt more like criticism than a genuine conversation. What upset me most was that not one person stepped in and said they understood my point of view or that I had a right to have my own choices in my own home.

The situation ended up turning into an argument because they kept telling me to take the pictures down and I chose not to. They then said that if I wasn’t going to remove them, they would leave.

Am I wrong for having pictures of myself in my own bedroom, or is it reasonable to want my personal space to include things that make me happy?

So you are teaching your child that only young women before childbirth are the only ones that are attractive? That's pretty sad.

Obsession with your looks is not healthy and certainly not a healthy thing to teach your child.

It sounds as though you think it's just your looks that validate you.

I agree! But then I think having photos of yourself on display is an indicator that someone is validated by their looks

Not if it's graduation photos.

No, they are kind of worse than normal pics. Why would someone need to display a graduation photo in their own home?

I understand parents having them up but people themselves?

"Here's mummy with her first chainsaw, which she taught herself how to strip down, take apart, maintain, and reassemble"

"Here's mummy with her different gardens she grew all over the world"

"Here's mummy in her bar which she ran by herself in a second language she learned on the fly in a matter of months"

"Here's mummy when she was an environmental activist"

"Here's mummy at the festival she got a grant to organise which raised funds for the food bank"

There's a lot happened in my life and these photos that I talk about with my son. I have a few photos in that lot where I really like how I look. You had to take something lighthearted and project onto it. My body, my face, and my life have changed massively in the past 20 years. It's okay to go "actually, I look really nice here"

There's fuck all photos of my mum around in her home because she thinks she looks hideous in all of them. Now that to me is sad.

I live alone and have memories of my mum putting my grad photo in her spare room while other family pics took pride of place. I think it's psychological for me to display mine.

But that’s obviously a specific issue you have.

I do know people who display their own graduation photos and of course it’s up to them but it feels a bit egotistical sometimes.

I'm sorry but you come over as obsessed with yourself.

Because I responded to your claim that there was nothing going on in my life except looks?

You sound like you have no photos of yourself in your house because you've done nothing worth photographing!

Wow, that was uncalled for. Some people don’t feel the need to display their ‘achievements’ because they are secure enough about themselves that it’s not necessary.

Is it any different to framing degree certificates, if you're not a practitioner? I do that as well! Personal choice.

Taking all this at face value: firstly, dinner guests shouldn't be poking around in the host's bedroom, and secondly, you have some alarmingly weird friends. What offence did they think you were committing by having photos of yourself on display?

I have a bookcase and on each shelf is a photo of one my DC, myself or my DH at our graduations.
I thought it was pretty normal to have a wedding photo on display too.

Framing degree certificates and putting them on display is no different to graduation photos. It indicates the same insecurities.

Of course it’s personal choice but outside of a work environment, I think it’s a sign of insecurity (which you confirm yours is, being tied up with your grad photo not being shown as prominently by your mother).

You are bring bullied by this group of people OP. Friends don't usually walk into other peoples private spaces and criticise them. And they certainly don't use extreme and ridiculous threats of the police or leaving to excercise control over them.
I wouldn't be allowing these people into my home again. Do you have other friendships outside of this group to turn to?
And, for the record, its completely fine and normal to want pictures of your memories in your home. It's your 'friends' who are behaving bizarrely, not you.

You might be right but it's still showing pride. Bloody hell, we work hard enough for our quals and often make sacrifices. I'm not sure I want my certs just packed away gathering dust.

Wedding photos are fairly normal, as are family photos in general.

Of course it’s personal choice but I don’t get why people would need to have photos of their own graduation on display. It’s great to be proud of yourself I guess but I find it a little egotistical.

Call the police! The OP has some photos of herself in her room! My god no wonder our police and ambulance services can't cope with that sort of stupidity around.

And that’s fine if it works for you. I display my qualification certificates at work but I wouldn’t bother at home.

WTF? I've read your post twice.

For starters, what exactly were your so-called ''friends'' doing in your bedroom, snooping around, moaning and criticising?

The ''police'' are sodding useless anyway at the best of times, so what could they have done? Literally NOTHING. It's not a crime to have photos of yourself in your own house! Although the way our country is going, it might well be sooner or later!

And the so-called ''friends'' threatened to leave if you didn't take them down? I'd have opened the front door as wide as it would go and said ''piss off, then, and don't forget your appointments at the psychiatrist'' then slammed the door in their faces.

WTF has it got to do with any of them? And I can't believe there's a vote of 15 people saying you're being unreasonable! They should be at the same psychiatrist as your ''friends''.

I live alone and seldom have anyone around, but on the rare occasion I do, my bedroom door is closed, and when possible, locked, and as all other doors are. They stay in the living room or kitchen, and can use the loo if needed, but other than that, I won't allow them to go into other rooms.

The second they start criticising, moaning ''I don't like it, get rid of it'' type of thing, I abruptly throw them out and ban them for life, then also refuse to have anything more to do with them.

A few friends came round for dinner and commented on the fact that I have a lot of pictures of myself displayed in my bedroom. They said it came across as self-centred, and one person even suggested I should take them down, saying they would call the police if I didn’t.

If this is genuinely what you believe to have happened, I think you're either quite unwell or have serious issues determining what's a joke and what's serious, because literally no way on earth did 'a few friends' come round, inspect your bedroom and make any serious threat to call the police because you have pictures of yourself.

OP - of course YANBU.

What I would find embarrassing as a visitor is if walls of photos of you were displayed elsewhere in the house. Family photos, yes, but I know someone who has what might be called 'boudoir photos' all over the shop and I find it cringeworthy. They are intimate, revealing and sexy and not every casual visitor to your home wants to see that - it's Too Much Information.

I’m proud to have my family’s achievements on display.

Well that’s great - many people have their kids’ achievements on display. I can’t imagine having my own achievements on display like that but I may be an outlier

Thanks for your honesty. There's no right or wrong with this one.