AIBU to be surprised DH would stay single after a split?

[ForgodssakeJanetyoutakethegibletsoutfirst]

Talking to DH about what he’d do if we split up. Lighthearted, we aren’t splitting up.

He said he wouldn’t look for a new relationship. First reason, he couldn’t be arsed. Second reason, it would be disruptive for DD to have new people in her life. He said that basically what he wants comes second, and he didn’t think her navigating a blended family just so he “could get laid” was worth it.

I was surprised by his response, as I’d assumed most men would get back in the game. AIBU?

If they were to split, he might genuinely avoid dating even if opportunity presented itself. But his partner asked him a hypothetical where he has to come up with a "right" answer. Even if op would be fine with saying that he would immediately actively look for multiple new relationships, these types of questions require a swot analysis before answering and this is the best answer to give. So his answer was not really suprising. It also might be what he feels right now when he is in a happy relationship.

I don't despise them but I'm now in my late sixties and have lived in five different countries including the UK. During that time I've worked and been friends with men of a wide variety of age groups, nationalities and demographics and this is my universal experience, with a few notable exceptions.

Im now going to have to Google...if they are under 40 what thd hell are we going to talk about. Neither will know what a spangle is and why they are so missed...plus they will never have had a backie on a chopper like every single woman i am friends with has!

You wrote that if a man told you he'd stay single you'd assume he was lying. Because of course he'd want to get laid because "men always do" and that male sex drive "comes before their kids and anything else for that matter." And let's not forget their "ginormous egos".

In short, you see men as lying egomaniacs who put sex above everything else, their own children included. Swap "men" for "women" and "sex" for "money/status" and you'd be terrifyingly close to the kind of bullshit that the red-pilled manosphere types come out with. They, too, will claim that their experiences justify their views. But then they are widely recognised as despising women and are rightfully seen as being toxic as fuck.

Are you 'a game' then? I'd be like your DH - just go for the quiet, happy life. Plus, you don't need to be in a relationship to have sex. Not sure what ages you are, but at a certain age you just want to shut the door on other people.

Yes, and yet somehow women still want to form relationships with men and get married. That's like me hating broccoli but deciding to force it down my throat every day. You can have a baby on your own, buy a house, have a career and navigate life all on your own. Or, you could just sit complaining about men even though you choose to date them, stay with them when they inevitably fail you, go looking for another one. If men are really that predictable, sex obsessed, all-round bad, evil, disgusting etc, why not put your money where your mouth is and just say 'no men'? I think there's even a movement for it.

Yes they are rightly seen that way

Exactly this. Why would you go there? As it is, I think he gave reasonable answers.

I took same approach as your DH.

He's saying that he loves DD and would want what's best for her. He's also saying that marriage, especially blended families, are hard work.

He might also be saying that he can't envisage anyone as wonderful as you... Or that being married to you has made him realise he wouldn't do it again 😂.

I don't think either DH or I would actively seek anyone new. But we'd answer the call if love (or lust) came calling. I haven't been without someone for more than a couple of weeks for over thirty-five years. And decided overlaps in there too 😂 at the beginning. I've been solely with DH for getting on to thirty years.

Yup. Claiming that one's experiences with a tiny fraction of an entire sex justifies applying offensive and demeaning stereotypes to every member of that sex is indeed rightly seen as being toxic as fuck.

My dh said that when I first met him after he was divorced ( no kids). It didn’t take long for me to change his mind…

It’s reassuring that you know he’ll always put dds interests first, whether he meets someone or not.

Im.agreeing with you 100%

I definitely think it depends on your age.
I'm 53, partner 55 together for 35 years
Absolutely no way in hell would I get with anyone else.
I'd be enjoying my peace too much.

My partner said the same but I don't know whether he'd follow through

I can understand your decision coming from your end, which you have control over, but you wouldn’t get a say of your kids living with other kids if your partner shacked up with someone else and that’s what they decided to do. So I guess they’d have a reduced number of kids if that’s what you decided for yourself and them, which is all anyone could do in that position

.... And you believe him? Hes speaking from a place of happiness.... but its sweet to believe tho.