AIBU to be surprised DH would stay single after a split?

[ForgodssakeJanetyoutakethegibletsoutfirst]

Talking to DH about what he’d do if we split up. Lighthearted, we aren’t splitting up.

He said he wouldn’t look for a new relationship. First reason, he couldn’t be arsed. Second reason, it would be disruptive for DD to have new people in her life. He said that basically what he wants comes second, and he didn’t think her navigating a blended family just so he “could get laid” was worth it.

I was surprised by his response, as I’d assumed most men would get back in the game. AIBU?

I think some of this thread is batshit. Man gets asked a question, answers in a way that plenty of women answer/follow through on, what do we get:

"Bullshit. He's only saying what you want to hear."

What the fuck answer could he have given that would please the people on here queuing up to criticise someone they have never met.

I don't think him saying he wouldn't find someone else is bad in itself.

But it's not that realistic and a bit naive, for the most part.

What should he have said?

He can say it, it was nothing bad.

But maybe he genuinely believes it. People don't know so are spending their day calling a man they don't know a liar based on nothing...crazy

Purely hypothetical at this point..

I think it’s an easy, off the cuff thing to say when you aren’t in that situation.
I don’t think it’s that deep - he said it because perhaps he thinks it’s true and also it seems like the “right” thing to say.

Still doesn’t mean it’s remotely accurate though. You don’t actually know how you’d feel until you are in that situation!

He is likely just saying that to make you happy. I find men struggle being single.

My dh has said he wouldn't actively seek a relationship and that is because he is quite happy on his own. I wouldn't actively seek one as the older I get the more I think most men are dickheads.

My ex said he would never have another child and was considering a vasectomy after we had our second. One divorce and three years later my kids had a half sibling…

I can’t give a man’s perspective but I can believe him because what he says is exactly what I did. Although I did a bit of dating when I didn’t have the DC , they never met anyone, and I didn’t want to live with someone again. That was 15 years ago and now they have left home I still don’t. I never wanted them to feel uncomfortable in their own home by having someone move in, and never wanted to deal with someone else’s kids. I focused purely on my kids and I think they are better for it. And I am very content with my life. I like doing what I want and I cba to compromise with someone again.

Both me and XH said the same thing when we divorced 10 years ago - I’ve stayed single and he’s been with his partner for 5 years. You just never know.

Thanks all for your responses…. some surprisingly strong opinions!

Just to pick up on a few points, this wasn’t some big conversation, it was a few throwaway remarks when we were chatting about someone else. No huge argument, or disgruntlement, and I’m not complaining.

He was single for 10 years before we met and was only dating at that point because a (female) friend told him he should try online dating. That said, I was still surprised that not only wouldn’t he look, but that he’d be implacably against a relationship.

Of course, might be pie in the sky and who knows what would happen?

I don’t see why not, I haven’t slept with anyone or dated in 10 years

I'm male and 57 and whilst I wouldn't completely rule it out, if my wife and I split after 30+ years no I wouldn't date again. I am set in my ways, just as my wife is set in hers and they are compatible we've changed over the years and adjusted to each other. I wouldn't want to make the changes to adapt to someone else.

Plus at my time of life people come with huge amounts of baggage. I've a mate younger who's had two relationships fall apart because of the women's children not wanting her to date. I recently went to a funeral where the deceased son disrupted it because he wasn't happy with what his step mother (who was paying and only met the father when the son was in his 30s) has organised...I couldn't put up with that shite.

My cynical black heart assumes he is saying this to you because this is what he would like you to do, not what would actually happen with him.

Tbf you see a million posts of similar nature on here from women about how they would never live with another man/couldn't put up with another man if their husband died or they split.

I absolutely agree with that view but from a the male side. I think when you get to a certain age or stage of life you just can't be bothered with the bullshit and then why put your kids through it.
I love my wife but the shit i see her friends make their husband's put up with, not a hope I'd jump in to another relationship.

probably depends on what offers he gets. if Maya Jama was up for a fumble I suspect he could be persuaded.....

Some men do stay single, most don’t.
You can’t accept his words as gospel as I have seen many friends who had good husbands who turned into nasty dicks after a separation.
The man you divorce is not be same man you married.

Shit yeah, il forgot to include the Maya Jama Elizabeth Olsen clause

Surely most parents feel like this? What's the point in flitting from one relationship to another, getting the kids hurt in the process? Kids often hate their parents acting like teenagers, bringing one person then another into their lives, and then if they split, never seeing their stepbrothers/sisters again. Dating is fun in your teens, but once you've had kids, for a lot of us they come first and many of us wouldn't want to start other families.

I'd be the same as your DH. Good on him.

My ex prefers Fishing to plenty of Fish. He is a typical lads lad. Spends his non parenting days playing or watching sport/hobbies and in the pub. If you were a bloke you would love him. A woman…….not so much!

Exactly this

He gave the correct answer. Doesn't mean 8f you were to split up, he would actually follow through with that.