AIBU to be surprised DH would stay single after a split?

[ForgodssakeJanetyoutakethegibletsoutfirst]

Talking to DH about what he’d do if we split up. Lighthearted, we aren’t splitting up.

He said he wouldn’t look for a new relationship. First reason, he couldn’t be arsed. Second reason, it would be disruptive for DD to have new people in her life. He said that basically what he wants comes second, and he didn’t think her navigating a blended family just so he “could get laid” was worth it.

I was surprised by his response, as I’d assumed most men would get back in the game. AIBU?

Well done to DH for thinking of DC instead of himself.

Why you'd have this conversation with a DH when you're not having any problems, I've no idea, its never going to end well, there is no right answer, and a huge risk of causing argument for a fictitious scenario. Someone is always going to get pissed of with an answer, accusations flow, animosity. Just why?

Agreed. He is saying this (and I don’t doubt that he believes it currently) from a place of someone who’s in a happy and stable marriage / life situation..
If he found himself in this situation I’d be amazed if he stayed single. Most men don’t.

He’s talking shite and saying what he thinks you want to hear.

I dont think I could be arsed either, I’m old enough not to crave sex, have a ton of friends and there is not a chance in a billion I’d blend families- honestly that is my room 101.

Hmm I think he's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear! The reality is most men don't stay single for long 🤷‍♀️

I have exactly the same thought process but I’m surprised to hear it from a man tbh.

Why do you think all relationships involve those things?

I’m not really sure why you’re having this conversation, he can’t win either way?
But I do know my ex said he’d always seen himself as being single and living alone (when we were discussing moving in together). He also said if he couldn’t make it work with me he didn’t want anyone else. As soon as I left him he got together with one of the other mums from our respective DC’s school.
What people say and what they do are usually very different.

My ex H hasn't been in a relationship since we split up seven years ago. I think he had a brief fling with someone once, but that was it

I couldn't see myself getting into a relationship for a good few years if DP and I ever split up. And that's without having to worry about how kids would deal with it, DD is an adult, about to bugger off to uni.

That's not to say I wouldn't date at all, a FWB situation would be alright, but the idea of being selfish for a few years is nice, not have to arrange life around another person.

Based on personalities, I'd want a new partner a lot less, and my husband would want a new partner sooner.

But also based on personalities, I make friends quicker and organise my time better. I expect I'd pick someone up faster.

I'd never have another child or shack up though, whereas I imagine he would.

Who knows what any of us would do ?

Don’t we all say we couldn’t be arsed? We certainly do, but we’re over 50 and would feel too old to start dating anyone. It doesn’t really mean anything hypothetically anyway.

DH was single for years after his first divorce, and pretty sure he wouldn’t be bothered finding a new girlfriend with any haste if we split up. I probably add more work to his life than if we weren’t together anyway so he’d probably enjoy cooking what he wants just for him and not having to clean up after me anyway 😂

He's talking bullshit, probably because that's what you want to hear. I'd believe it far more from a woman but not a bloke. Of course he'll want to get laid, men always do and it generally comes before their kids and anything else for that matter. There's also the question of their ginormous egos. First look from a woman and it will confirm that he's the god's gift he always suspected he was.

He’s saying what he thinks you want to hear - no more no less.
You have a very canny husband.

Me and my husband were talking about this ( we're 57 & 53 ) we have both said we would remain single.

Not sure if it because of our age, its not down to our children, he just said he CBA with another woman for the sake of a sex life haha

It’s very sweet that you’re taking what he says as gospel as to what would actually happen. It may well happen like that but it’s unlikely.
Generally speaking, men don’t much like to be on their own, too much washing, cooking and general grunt work involved in not having a girlfriend or wife.
All that cynical stuff aside, let’s hope you never find out.

He can't be arsed now because he has you.

When he's single, he will be arsed.

Ah, Mumsnet, where you can always rely on being shown just how intensely some women absolutely despise men.

I don't think anyone aspires to have a blended family. It's very easy saying he wouldn't have another relationship now but it doesn't mean that he would stick to that if he was single.

Statistically, if you were to split at his instigating, there's a very high probability that he'd already have someone new!

well obviously he isn’t stupid enough to say “if we split I’d just find someone else” is he? Or you would be posting on here complaining about that.

He’s probably sincere. When I was with Dh I was certain I would never have another relationship if we weren’t together.

After he died I went on a —sex— date a year later. Took me a LOT longer to contemplate having an actual relationship but it did happen. Of course some people do remain single but an awful lot don’t. I don’t think it’s terrible, it’s normal.

DP (50) and I (48) have also had this conversation and both of us said the same thing. That we wouldn’t bother to go out and date again, as we can’t be arsed 😂

We don’t have kids, but for me I’m at an age where I can happily be alone if DP and I didn’t work out. And he’s the same.

I think it’s because we’re very independent people and like having our own space.

I wouldn’t say never to ever meeting someone new, I just wouldn’t actively go looking for someone.