AIBU to see my husband getting a woman's number as a breach of trust?

[Theini]

Hi all, so last night DH went out to watch the football with friends, I had no interest in going and was happy to have a quiet night in.

He got him late, was very drunk but this wasn’t unexpected, he had a good time etc.

This morning he woke up and I noticed he was carrying his phone everywhere with him, I asked him why he was being like that, and he admitted he’d drunkenly got a girls number, he said nothing else happened.

I asked if he had messaged her and he said only last night. I read the exchange, there was some brief chat about her going to a different pub and him wondering where she went.
Then he said
btw
your profile pic
so hot
those freckles, hello
those curls, hello
little stunner

she just said thanks, all subsequent texts were about the football.

Until this morning when she messaged him saying she thinks one of his friends might haven taken her friends phone charger and hat and could they arrange to get them back.
He said we would ask his friend, and that reason he hadn’t deleted her number or blocked her yet was to sort that, but he was drunk, would never have intended to actually do anything and would have blocked straight after.

Based on the profile pic, I think she is much younger than we are, we are 36, she looks maybe 22-25.

I don’t know what to do now, I believe he didn’t cheat and he rarely goes out on big nights out so I’m not inclined to think this happens often and he seemed genuinely remorseful, but at the same time am I just being naive? I don’t want to end my marriage over this that seems dramatic but I’m not sure how to rebuilt trust?

AIBU to think this is a massive breach of trust?

Erm, it is much more than a massive breach of trust....why do you even have to ask?

Is the Pope Catholic?

Of course you're not being unreasonable.
This is a clear breach of trust.

It's up to you to decide on whether you can live with him being a cheat or not.

He was mentally ready to cheat, even if it didn't happen last night. That's a deal breaker.

Gross, what a pig.

You don't think it happens often? It shouldn't be happening at all!

There's no trust now and to me, no trust equals no relationship.

Obviously you want to forgive him. That is your choice. But none of us can tell you how to trust someone that has proved themselves untrustworthy.

It doesn’t matter if he physically inserted himself into her.

He has massively betrayed you and treated your marriage with contempt.
He cannot respect you or your relationship if he behaves this way- drunk or not

Taking her number and sending those messages is the behaviour of someone thinking about cheating, and at the very least, beginning the cheating process.

A man who would never dream of cheating would never take the number, flirt or message like that.

I'd be very surprised if this is the first time he's done something like that.

I'd be telling him to sleep elsewhere and talking to a couple of lawyers to be completely honest.

Zero chance this is a one off...He HAS already done this and cheated previously and / or is planning to... I also wouldnt be surprised if he was kissing her yesterday.

Honestly ask yourself... When was the last time YOU did this "by accident" or "because alcohol"... or met up with your friends and they were like "funny story.... I swapped number with.bloke and send inappropriate messages while dh was looking after the kids.... lol!!!!" 🥴

I would need to see my husband MOVING MOUNTAINS to even consider staying in a marriage after what youve described.

Wtf you are way too calm girl 😭 sorry but how are you even having to ask on here and not busy ripping him a new one?? And he actually showed you the messages willingly and didn't even think to delete them first?!? normally a bloke wouldn't even admit to that let alone show his wife messages like that, he was clearly looking to cheat, not just getting the number which is bad enough but then talking about how hot she is etc, like what on earth was he thinking? I think you seem quite detached tbh op - I'm not one to try and stir things up and shout ltb on threads but honestly you seem a little too unbothered by this in my opinion

A breach of trust! If she'd dropped her knickers last night do you think he would have politely declined? You know the answer OP. He was ready and willing to cheat on you.

So when he goes out drinking with his mates, he accidentally forgets he’s married? That’s not a one off, that’s a mindset. You’re under reacting.

You will never be able to trust him again OP now you know how he behaves when he is out with his pals.

It won't have just been getting her number. There will have been flirting and probably physical contact before hand. And the only reason he took her number was because he intended to cheat.

I'm sorry OP but you now know who you are married to

Durrrrr. D’ya think? 😵‍💫

Throw his sorry arse out.

You can’t trust him. This is about as blatant as it gets. Gets her number, sends pervy flirty texts.

Yeah, that'd be a relationship ender for me.

My dh would be packing his stuff about now.

OP id also be wondering how his friend took a hat and charger - was this from the pub? Or did they end up going back to hers? Or her friends?

If you’ve caught him sounding like he might be up to cheat/ then he’s very much likely already cheated

I actually can't believe you're even asking.

Very strange question.

In the bin with him!

Complete deal breaker for me. The line should be clear and he has crossed it and probably lying to you.

God that's so horrible I'm so sorry.

As others say - it's divorce territory.

That charger story is bullshit. You can buy cheap chargers at the gas station.

His story is even bigger bullshit.

They flirted, had some sort of physical intimacy, and he got her number. The charger was about him seeing her again. He was carrying his phone in case she texted.

The fact there's any further nonsense about hats and chargers is cringe and clearly things went further. Also why is he out getting that drunk? That is problematic in itself at his age and likely a father. It's pathetic.