AIBU to see my husband getting a woman's number as a breach of trust?

[Theini]

Hi all, so last night DH went out to watch the football with friends, I had no interest in going and was happy to have a quiet night in.

He got him late, was very drunk but this wasn’t unexpected, he had a good time etc.

This morning he woke up and I noticed he was carrying his phone everywhere with him, I asked him why he was being like that, and he admitted he’d drunkenly got a girls number, he said nothing else happened.

I asked if he had messaged her and he said only last night. I read the exchange, there was some brief chat about her going to a different pub and him wondering where she went.
Then he said
btw
your profile pic
so hot
those freckles, hello
those curls, hello
little stunner

she just said thanks, all subsequent texts were about the football.

Until this morning when she messaged him saying she thinks one of his friends might haven taken her friends phone charger and hat and could they arrange to get them back.
He said we would ask his friend, and that reason he hadn’t deleted her number or blocked her yet was to sort that, but he was drunk, would never have intended to actually do anything and would have blocked straight after.

Based on the profile pic, I think she is much younger than we are, we are 36, she looks maybe 22-25.

I don’t know what to do now, I believe he didn’t cheat and he rarely goes out on big nights out so I’m not inclined to think this happens often and he seemed genuinely remorseful, but at the same time am I just being naive? I don’t want to end my marriage over this that seems dramatic but I’m not sure how to rebuilt trust?

AIBU to think this is a massive breach of trust?

He is only remorseful because he got caught. He’s gross! I don’t think I could forgive this.

Have some self-respect, OP. He’s a cheater, or will be if he hasn’t already.

Yes, mentally/emotionally cheating even if not physically.

Yeah I don’t know what to think about this. He claims they were joking around and one of his mates took her friends Norway hat (her friend was Norwegian) as a joke, and borrowed a charger, but they left for a different pub before he could give it back.
He wasn’t home until 5am he claims he stayed out to watch the Argentina game, but I would guess no where is open late enough for that to have been in a pub?

His last message to the girl before this morning was her sending pics of people celebrating saying it’s crazy out here, he didn’t reply until this morning after she had messaged about the hat and stuff.

Do you really think he stayed out to watch the Argentina game? Because I wouldn’t think so not now.

Ugh this is grounds for divorce

He didn’t get home until 5am?! Mad! This is screaming that he isn’t being honest.

Where is he saying he watched the Argentina game and can you verify that? Just to add to the information you already have, in case you are in any doubt.

Had she responded in the way he had hoped, he would have physically cheated already. Hope this helps. I'm sorry.

This would not work for me, on any level. Grim to message another woman and he would have barely been able to watch the football, neither of which are attractive. Is the friend with the hat and phone charger single?

I got out with friends a lot and I’ve never accidentally got a guys number and send flirty texts.
massive breach of trust there

I only just realised that no where would be open, I was thinking more about the girl earlier. He’s been out for a few hours with the kids, so I haven’t had a chance to ask.

Its possible Argentina game lastnight was shown in a pub - I refer back to the England game last weekend with a scheduled 1am kick off delayed till 2am - my stepson watched it in the local pub

I would ask him though. Are you friends with any of the other girlfriends of who he was out with lastnight?

Other than texts, are there any calls? Maybe via WhatsApp?

Not close enough to want to message them and create gossip If im honest.

I didn’t check his call log, I probably should have, he has probably deleted it by now, if there is anything, but I’ll ask when he gets home.

I thought that it was only that one game (England / 1am K.O) that was granted extended licensing hours and not all late K.O games?

No matter whether the pub showed the game r not, he is engaging with flirty stuff with another female - that is all you need to know.

Given the chance, he is going to take it. It doesn't matter if they shagged or not yet - that charger thing is clearly interest from her side - one thing will lead to the other - you need know no more.

That an absolute shit to do this. How is your personal relationship with him, are you close would you say?

In my mind he has cheated and that would be that. Not only has he been saying wow etc about her looks but he is keen to keep up communication with her. He’s not for you OP, he is a twat.

OP he would be fuming if he found messages like that on your phone after a night out!

Carrying the phone around says all you need to know. You may feel differently had he admitted all of this straight away first thing. The fact you had to prise it out of him because he was acting suspicious in the first place makes it all the more concerning. Obviously there’s no way he should be agreeing to meet this woman again either, he should hang his head in shame and block her number immediately.

Pubs needed a special licence for those opening hours. I can’t imagine them bothering for a non England match.

Sorry Op, but this is red flag after red flag.

is or the norm for him to come home at 5??

Hmm. He didn’t get home until 5am and all those flirty messages?
Even if nothing happened, it’s not appropriate is it?

People in secure happy relationships don’t just get other women’s numbers just because they’re drunk. I couldn’t forgive this. I think you’re massively under reacting to this.

Accidentally pressed you are being unreasonable but he’s bang out of order OP. He would still be texting her if you hadn’t confronted him.

No not at all normal, he very rarely goes out at all, like maybe once every 3 months and back for 10/11, obviously the football has it a little different right now.

He claims they went back to his mates to watch the Argentina game, no calls on his phone last night but he might have deleted them I guess.
He said he isn’t meeting up with her to return the items, she just wanted his friends number to pass onto her friend so she could get her things back.

It’s likely they all went back to his mate’s house.

The problem is that he’s crossed a line and you now don’t trust him. You need to decide what that means for you.