To leave DH family WhatsApp group?

[IslaWhitey]

To leave DH’s family WhatsApp group?

Just to reduce my own admin / phone admin which is getting too much.

No specific drama or anything.

I would explain they can go via DH re future family arrangements, (and obviously contact me directly should they still wish to speak to me specifically)

DH is not on my family WhatsApp and I’m getting fed up with being the “organiser” for stuff with his side of the family. I’ve only tolerated it this long for DC benefit of seeing cousins.

This ^

For in laws, it's definitely admin!

But it can also come down to personalities.

I have a friend who likes to decide how busy we all are and allocate a bunch of invented tasks to whoever she deems the least busy.

And another friend who likes to develop an itinerary for every meet up.

My personal approach is date, accommodation, travel, work it out spontaneously. So yeah, shoot me, it feels like homework when people are coordinating outfits and sequences of bars to visit.

WhatsApp doesn’t notify others when someone leaves a group anymore. So if you’re doing it for effect, don’t bother.

Mute and archive it then learn self discipline. Tell husband it is his job to keep on top of. Anything else will just cause unnecessary family drama. And you will end up with bazillion individual chats and people triangulating to you, then back to the group etc.

Just mute it OP

DPs family have one, I’m on it. I have had occasions where my smart phone would be constantly flashing and vibrating during meetings whilst they were talking about god knows what utter nonsense - usually just a lot of jokes - but distracting for me as I keep my phone on silent permanently now and again having notifications of kids schools or indeed kids contacting me is required to be picked up sometimes quickly

So I muted it and it’s been muted for around a year. I get no notifications of anything but can pop on if there is anything for me to say to all of them - happy birthday messages or yes we will be at x’s party etc

Mute it and archive it, then you won’t see it unless some @ you.

It’s not worth the fall out with the family if you leave and why should the onus be on the others to contact you directly if they want to communicate with you when for them they already have you in the what’s app. Make sure DH is in the group, tell him it’s his responsibility to manage stuff / events with his family and just put it on mute. if you remove yourself I can see the next Mumsnet update will be “ I’m so upset because the in-laws didn’t invite me to ……”

This is still rude. It's just rudeness dressed up as flippant instead of honest rudeness

I wouldn’t be putting that announcement on the family chat it sounds rude. Just mute it and stop checking it.

IMO WhatsApp should ask if you want to join a group, instead it lets people create a group and then you’re in one you didn’t want to be in

I left one family group a couple of years ago and the other one that I’m in was muted and archived a couple of years ago, I never check it

How is it rude? Genuinely I don’t understand. I wouldn’t give a shit if SIL put a message like that in our family group chat. I would probably think “good for her!”

The danger of this that you will be out of the loop and things may be sprung on you or you miss out on something important.

Mine do, I just ignore it, every time. although they only call me when they can’t get hold of DH because he ignored them too 😆

I think we need to stop worrying about the perception of flouncing and be more honest.

”hi all, just a bit overwhelmed with SM stuff, so DH will be your main point of contact for this group going forward, if you want me specifically, of course feel free to drop me a line etc!”

Highly unlikely. They’re all adults. They can make sure essential information gets passed.

Because what it means is, I am cutting down on the people who I want to receive messages/stay in touch with and you didn't make the cut.
It also means it's more effort for them to get in touch with you, ie if organising a family event they can invite everyone but then separately have to ask you. So you're asking them to put themselves out because you don't want to hear from them.
I wouldn't be upset by it but I would still think it was rude.
Also I don't really consider WhatsApp 'social media'. It's just messages. I wouldn't call texts or phone calls from family members social media. It's not like saying you're trying to cut down on Facebook or Tiktok.

Great stuff if you don't mind talking to your family like a mid level office manager organising an away day

Add your husband number to the group and remove yourself.

Why do people think the husband isn't in the group?

Depends on the relationship and of course message can be adjusted to suit.

i don’t have any family WA groups, barely have family. DH family are a bag of weirdo and I have no role in organising anything on his side.

his dd sent us both a message to congratulate on our recent low key wedding and I said thanks very much etc etc, but when H then started to make conversation on it and include me, I left. Have no animosity or anything, but he’s their dad, he’s an adult and can manage his family. I don’t do wife work.

But I know how I work. I've told you all via the group .... Your choice whether to come or partake

Chatting to your partner's daughter is "wife work"? Fucking hell.
Amazing how many people on here complain about having no friends, family and support and then act like it's an imposition or "admin" to talk to other humans in your life

shes an adult, they chat about stuff, they arrange meet ups etc. I dont need to be involved in all the pings. You’re totally over thinking this.

not being the one to arrange things with his daughters isn’t a sad indictment, it’s just practical. I’m perfectly pleasant and welcoming to them, love spending time with them, but they want to communicate with their dad first and foremost, they don’t need me inserting myself. I don’t need any support from them, they have their mother and father, I don’t need anything from my family in terms of support either.

I have plenty of friends, as does my husband. He chats to his friends and makes arrangements for us all, I chat to mine and make arrangements for us all.

literally no group chat required

he has group chats with his siblings - they’re proper weird. I’m staying well out of all of that for very good reason 🤣

@WildLeader you didn't say they were "arranging stuff" you didn't need to be involved in, you said she sent you a nice message to congratulate you on their wedding, your husband started to chat to her and make conversation including you, and you left.
I'm sure (& hope) that it's not as rude as it sounded.

Mute and archive it.