Being told that as a size 18 I can’t wear certain clothes

[isaidmaybeyoure]

I do appreciate that when posting canvassing for opinions on outfits etc., you will get all sorts of responses.

But I have been told a few times now that as a size 18, I should cover up and not expose too much skin, basically purely because of my size.

AIBU to think this isn’t okay? I have as much a right to get my shoulders out as any other size!

I’m not sure that’s bullying to be honest.

Wrong photo

People can’t really help being ugly though.

Oh op, that woman is significantly over weight and likely obese,

No, you’re not looking at the correct photos.

Oh wicked, do you know her weight?

Christ, there are so many posters on Mumsnet with a fuckton of issues. I will never understand why a woman would comment so disgracefully on another woman's body.
Serious fucking issues.

This one, which you were tagged in. @PrettyPickle

Just awful. Absolutely awful. And veiling the “she’s obese” to mean they think she looks awful, they think they’re getting away with it!

I agree with this, OP seems to think the model is being called ugly which she isn't - nobody has even mentioned her face

It isn't the least bit odd.

I have seen lots of people lose a lot of weight and their face loses all its bloom and prettiness. It makes faces wrinklier and less shapely. I mean you think this is rude because as a society we don't talk like this to or about people - and nor should we - but my point is it is no different from commenting about how people should cover up because they are overweight.

There are a number of celebrities who have lost weight and the better part of their looks with it.

I don't like the look of gaunt faces. Sorry, but there it is. And I normally keep that to myself but say it here only to make the point that it is rude to comment derisively about people's appearance.

You don’t need to know her stats to know she’s very overweight. I know it’s an MN trope, but we’ve lost sight of a healthy size because so many people are fat.

What does "healthy" even mean in this context? It's purely aesthetics with you isn't it OP?

The issue of overweight is the last bastion of being able to say these sorts of shaming things - so people wade on in right up to their waist.

Most people who have agreed she is overweight haven’t said she looks awful. They’ve just stated a fact that she is overweight. She is carrying excess fat.

Having now seen the model, she's not a healthy weight.

You don't need to be able to weigh someone to know when they are carrying excess fat, just like you can easily see when someone is underweight.

The good thing about an internet forum is you’ll get honest opinions. You don’t get that irl because people will say things like ‘if you wear it with confidence you’ll look great’ while thinking ‘WTF was she thinking!!!’. OP seems to want the vacant platitudes from complete strangers instead of the honest opinions which is odd. If I want someone to lie through my teeth and tell me I look nice when I don’t I ask my mum what I look like. If I want actual honesty I’ll ask total strangers on the internet.

A thing I really hate is the idea that we should all be wearing whatever makes us look thinnest. It’s usually in the language of ‘flattering’ but it is absolutely meant to mean thinnest.

Nope. I wear whatever makes me feel happiest. Bright bold colours and patterns. Sometimes flowy tops and dresses which could easily be mistaken for maternity wear. I might put on my ‘Not pregnant, just fat’ badge, but I might not. Sometimes I like a more fitted top which, horror of horrors, could ride up to reveal an inch or two of midriff. Fortunately, I don’t believe my rolls of fat are inherently hideous or disgusting, and no one needs to be protected from the horror of seeing them.

I am fat and I am not going to kid myself that dressing differently will hide that. So I don’t see why I should even try.

And what I find is that wearing the clothes which make me happiest frequently bring me the most compliments.

She has a beautiful face. She is overweight.

I haven't been on here long but have figured out that there are a lot of very sad, lonely and angry women out there who come and vent anonymously on here.
Weight is a real trigger and I would hazard a guess that it is the only thing in their life they have control over.
There are also many posters who cannot stand the thought of a woman having any confidence or well, anything about them really.
Don't take it to heart. It is very much a them problem. See the anger and bile in some of the replies? Pity them.

The Op didn't actually even ask for opinions on how her body would look.

That is her point.

She simply asked about the style of dress in terms of formality and colour without mentioning her weight. It was other posters who volunteered that she couldn't wear certain styles.

I think it is fairly rare to have that said on Style and Beauty - it is usually such a helpful board the times I have lurked there for inspiration.

I think folk should wear what they like - big or small -as long as it is the correct size for them and they feel comfortable and happy in it.

I have never had anyone comment in the way you describe and I was a size 22 before loosing weight (now a 14-16). That said, I don't seek the opinions of randoms on the internet who can hide behind their keyboard making nasty comments.

I think the dress you have chosen will look fab btw!

Weight is a real trigger and I would hazard a guess that it is the only thing in their life they have control over.🎯

We have to guess that on a forum, but the women I know IRL fit this description to perfection.

Yes, it's the OP who can't seem to accept women can be both overweight and gorgeous.

"She's not overweight, she's gorgeous" (and variants of), have repeatedly come from the OP.