How to get over limerance

[Fedupwithhusbandssnoring]

It is all consuming, never had it this bad. I will get flamed for this. There is another man at a place I go to with my friends. We have a lot to talk about and have kissed a few times. I always vow to not kiss him before I go out, but he makes the move and I'm gone. I don't want to stop going to this place and neither do my friends. It is likely we won't be going again for a few months, which is a good thing.
In between the times I see him he consumes my every thought, from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. I don't want my husband near me, nor do I want to end my marriage.
He is married too and I would not want to be party to his wife's heartache. Our children are grown up.
Help me make it stop..

Pathetic behaviour

Yeah that’s what I thought. And if it is, she’s basically chasing the guy.

Yes, quite.

One way to help yourself get over it is to stop using the aggrandising word 'limerance'. It suggests a validation - almost a celebration - of a simple crush and a simple sexual interest.

People think limerence is a made up thing but it is not. This is not limerence . This is an affair . It’s the misuse of the term in this manner that makes people think it’s bullshit and I can see why

No I am not. This is my first posting.

You’re making a choice and you’ve been making it for a while. These things do not “just happen”. If you want to keep your marriage, stop going there. It really is that simple. You can’t say you love your husband enough to want to stop cheating but simultaneously refuse to do the easiest thing that will stop you from cheating. If you want to blow up your marriage, by all means continue. But you know what the consequences are.

It will pass. It's a fever that will break. Change your routine, you're in a rut. Keep busy. Go running, swimming, cycling. Self care is important.

Trust me I'm old it's not worth smashing up a marriage over a fantasy.

Me, me, me, me. What do you have to say for your spouses, OP? Maybe write a post about them.

Why would you be obsessed with a flamboyant pianist who died nearly 40 years ago? You need to get over it.

You have already ruined innocent people's lives. The moment you started flirting, every time you kiss him.
As many others have already pointed out you ARE having an affair and you need to acknowledge it. Your husband, his wife and your grown up children are innocent. You know what you need to do and the first thing is to be honest.

If you really want to save your marriage, which most people would recommend if your DH is a decent guy, STOP going to the place where you see this man. Tell your friends you can't go any more. (delete any info/contact/photos/apps you have for him so you won't be tempted)
THEN
Start spending time with your DH. Plan some fun things to do together and some date nights. The grass is greener where you water it and you can rebuild. Some fun times together should remind you why you married him and start you on the road to recovery.

It’s both.

Stop cheating in your husband, get a grip and FFS can we ban this word on MN pls

You need do this the other way around, put the energy into your DH and then you’ll think less about him. How about a weekend away or a holiday, concert, go and see a comedian together etc?

You’re making a choice to cheat on your husband. You continue going to the place where you know you’ll see this man.
Stop going, work on your marriage and work on yourself.

How do I stop going to a place where something happens that I don’t want to do, which I don’t have to go to, because I have the agency and willpower of an 8 year old.

Er, don’t go there?

Are you the poster who was planning on going to a club night/hotel stay alone where this guy would be, even though he'd previously told you he's in a relationship?

Edited- sorry, scrolling and had missed that PPs had also picked up on the previous thread. Glad it's not just jumping out at me though!
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5544631-shall-i-go-out-on-my-own-tonight

It never ceases to amaze me how anyone would have such little moral fiber that they’d hurt their spouse and children by cheating. What you’re fantasising about is so interwoven with hurting them that I’d have thought that would be enough to stop the thoughts. If they find out it’ll change your family forever. Is this really what you want to be remembered as?

And now you have me worrying that my DH is the affair partner... 😂😂

Stealth brag for having netted a sexy mini-train driver!

😂

This is really shitty behaviour! You can try and dress is up anyway you want by claiming limerance but what it boils down is you are continuing to go to the same bar and kiss another bloke that’s a choice!!

Could be both, stop going to this place is your solution. You are putting yourself in this position willingly because you actually want to. Sort out whats gone wrong with your husband.

stop go to that place you'll meet the man. it's simple.

This must be a hell of a place that you keep going to if you genuinely believe that not going there would be just as terrible and unbearable as destroying your marriage. Where the fuck is it, Narnia?