How to get over limerance

[Fedupwithhusbandssnoring]

It is all consuming, never had it this bad. I will get flamed for this. There is another man at a place I go to with my friends. We have a lot to talk about and have kissed a few times. I always vow to not kiss him before I go out, but he makes the move and I'm gone. I don't want to stop going to this place and neither do my friends. It is likely we won't be going again for a few months, which is a good thing.
In between the times I see him he consumes my every thought, from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. I don't want my husband near me, nor do I want to end my marriage.
He is married too and I would not want to be party to his wife's heartache. Our children are grown up.
Help me make it stop..

You are having an affair, tell your husband. That may get you to think rationally.

Yes tell your DH, seeing him heartbroken will give you something else to think of, as will selling your house and moving to smaller accommodation.

I’ve been there so I’m not going to judge. But I would go back to that single point where I decided to act on impulse and change it every single time. No good can come of this obsession. Not one single iota. You will look back on it with, deserved, shame and guilt and regret if you do not leave this alone right now.

Leave it. Step away. Enough now.

I think the only thing you can do OP is not go there and see him. Imagine the fallout if you have an affair and blow your marriage up.

I would also analyse why it happened- what is missing in your marriage. Can you do anything about that? Go to therapy together?

Wish people wouldn’t be so judgy on here. 50% of marriages end in divorce. I bet there’s a lot of people wandering around snogging others. It happens a lot.

It will pass OP - you just need to not see him.

See this is excellent advice. Let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen and that those who slip up are ogres.

But understand it won’t make you happy OP and it’s not worth it.

People are judgy because the OP is selfish and it’s agony to be on the receiving end of this. Of course people see others they fancy but when you are married you have to instantly shut down these feelings, if you need to actively avoid a situation or going to a place then that’s what you do.

Limerence or affair it doesn’t really matter, you clearly don’t want it to stop or you wouldn’t go and meet him. Stop acting like you don’t have any control over this, the solution is simple.

Sure. But a stream of posts telling her how awful she is aren’t massively helpful.

I don’t think there’s much sympathy for the other woman.

I'm going through my mother's estate papers. Found evidence of two affairs. The first she got away with the second smashed her marriage. She kept the love letters from one, photos and poetry from the second. FFS it was Forty six years ago. She lost a lovely home, her children, grandchildren because of an awful man who was only looking for a new fuck. He never left his wife died the following year. His children were disgusted by his behaviour.

She adored his memory to the day she died at 90 years of age.

My dad never recovered. None of us did really.

This is possibly the saddest post I have read re an affair.

I I I.

what about your husband
his wife
your children?

but it’s all about “ I already know things that will drive me insane but will do it anyway “

She didn't lose her home, children etc because of an awful man, she lost it because of the consequences of her own actions.

Also, how come she lost her children and grandchildren? If my mum had an affair I can't imagine turning my back on her. Not that I'm condoning adultery obviously.

It can pass but you usually have to go no contact and stick to it
If your prone to limerence, you might get it for someone else. It's not pleasant, but it can go.