Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU after being reported for apparently targeting a member of staff

504 replies

Vintageshirtsearch · 05/07/2026 21:25

OK no one is going to believe this to be true but I need to share it. I was spoken to today by my line manager as I've been reported in our 'call it out' policy. I made a member of staff feel targeted and picked on.
I bet you won't be able to guess what I did that made them feel so bad.
It's so crackers I actually thought my manager was joking.
Anyone want to guess?

OP posts:
MotherJessAndKittens · 06/07/2026 12:09

I suppose it was a bit insensitive to be a touch sarcastic towards the person. Sometimes people who are confident speaking don’t realise that someone else feels got at. However definitely not something to be reported - that’s over the top. Being flippant can be hurtful.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 06/07/2026 12:13

italianlondongirl · 06/07/2026 12:05

I would also be offended that my manager had posted that she had "spoken to" me about it. That gives the impression that it was a reprimand of sorts.

In fact I would want it on my record that the accusation was completely unfounded, as opposed to "no action taken"

Agree with this really, in ten years time the accuser has left, you’ve got a different manager and HR team, and you want a reference. You need to be happy that this isn’t on there as there will be no one to say ‘oh I remember that, we had a chuckle about it in my office over a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit or two.’

*other refreshments are available and I am not favouriting one over the other.

latetothefisting · 06/07/2026 12:15

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · 06/07/2026 07:48

I didn't say I personally was having difficulty with it. I'm not.

There's just a lot of commentary online. If you're not aware of it, that's great for you, honestly. A quick search will find a lot of hate. Some people are sensitive and take it as a personal attack.

Some people are sensitive and take it as a personal attack.

But that is not a normal or healthy thing to do. Which is the whole point of the thread and why OP's colleague is in the wrong rather than her. If she wants to feel personally slighted by a comment that was not about her personally, that's fine. If she wants to complain to other swifties or bitch about OP when she gets home to her mum or partner, crack on. But it's completely inappropriate to raise a formal work complaint about it, exactly as if it would be if OP had said someone's preferred football team or band were overrated.

bigboykitty · 06/07/2026 12:21

Vintageshirtsearch · 05/07/2026 21:37

During a coffee break, another staff member said they thought Taylor Swifts wedding was over the top and a bit ridiculous. I said "yeah I agree" the complainer said it was to keep it private and I laughed and said "in madison square garden" the other staff member said he didn't get the hype over taylor swift and I said I didn't either. End of conversation.
Apparently this deeplynupset the complainer as they love taylor swift and they felt mocked.

Fuck me. You are not wrong OP. It's absolutely ludicrous.

Swiftie1878 · 06/07/2026 12:27

Vintageshirtsearch · 06/07/2026 06:24

Also Taylor Swift is not a 'girl' she's an adult woman. This infantilisation of women is possibly part of the issue and why her fans seem to be sensitive in a teenage fan club way

I’m a massive Swiftie and agree with absolutely everything you have posted so far.
Absolute nonsense.

AlwaysExtraHot · 06/07/2026 12:39

tothesea · 06/07/2026 11:12

This was years ago but a colleague once commented how much she fancied Michael Ball and I did a kind of snort laugh ..I genuinely thought she was kidding..she reported me and never spoke to me again. I was gobsmacked.

That's just made ME snort laugh Grin

WildLeader · 06/07/2026 12:47

italianlondongirl · 06/07/2026 12:05

I would also be offended that my manager had posted that she had "spoken to" me about it. That gives the impression that it was a reprimand of sorts.

In fact I would want it on my record that the accusation was completely unfounded, as opposed to "no action taken"

Damned right. I’d be livid that this was even brought to me. It should have been 100% headed off and shut down there and then.

id be tempted to push for a note to be put on HER record for unfounded and spurious accusations against you.

fucking snowflake needs a rocket

PrettyPickle · 06/07/2026 12:58

That’s absolutely crackers. You didn’t target anyone, you joined in a perfectly normal conversation about a celebrity wedding. Adults are allowed to have different opinions about Taylor Swift without it being ‘bullying’.

If someone feels ‘mocked’ because you don’t worship their favourite singer, that’s their issue, not yours. Your manager had to follow the process, but there’s nothing in what you said that crosses any professional line.

Carry on as normal. Some people are just very fragile about their fandoms.

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/07/2026 13:08

DameOfThrones · 05/07/2026 22:49

And if the colleague stumbles across this public thread when Googling Taylor Swift for example, how professional do you think you’ll end up looking?

They won’t be able to complain about the thread without sharing a link and explaining why it’s identifying, and they will have read all of the comments saying oh my god they need to drink a glass of concrete, and no chance they share this long set of resounding views that they are too fragile to weather the world of work and normal people with people at their work. Imagine being the hr person reading this… 🤪

Dollymylove · 06/07/2026 13:10

Seriously some people, grown adults, need to get a firm grip on themselves. Stop behaving like a 14 year girl.
I wonder how long it took after the complaint was lodged for the HR department to start pissing themselves laughing. (Not in fron of the hurt and offended complainant of course)😅
Its a good job I wasnt there, I have form for laughing at things that are meant to be deadly serious !!

Justanopinionnothingmore · 06/07/2026 13:13

Owly11 · 05/07/2026 21:43

It sounds like you did take sides in the argument. If you are older perhaps they see you as having more power in the organisation. It's obviously ridiculous of them to report you but I can see how it might have felt to them that you were dismissive of one person's view and supportive of the other.

Oh please do grow up...

Isitevensummer · 06/07/2026 13:16

anothernewname6789998212 · 06/07/2026 12:05

This tickled me. Who knew being a Taylor swift fan is now a protected characteristic. Unless of course you’re about to drop the bombshell that Taylor Swift is in fact a member of staff at the same place and this person felt shit talking a colleagues wedding crossed the line…? 😂

On a serious note, the complainer should’ve been met with stern words about abuse of a policy designed to prevent people having to suck up workplace harassment, discrimination, criminal behaviour or unsafe work practices, and instead using it solely to try and get another member of staff into trouble.

Totally agree. How the furare you supposed to know are everyone's interests at work? I love an action movie but I doubt most of my co-workers would have any idea. And where is the tolerance of different opinions? I have a rescue pug, and a lot of people have strong opinions on this breed (I didn't pick her for her breed, she was next up for rehoming). My bosses boss made a comment which, by this batshittery I could have had a meltdown over. But I didn't because I am a grown up.

BobbysDazzler · 06/07/2026 13:22

LightlyRoamingOcelots · 06/07/2026 08:47

Yabu for making the thread a guessing game. It's not like the scenario is remotely guessable. You must be a very tedious person so probably have form at work for being tiresome and the complainer's tolerance level is therefore unusually low, but there was nothing intrinsically wrong with your conversation about Taylor Swift.

Was it you that complained about @Vintageshirtsearch talking about Taylor Swifts wedding at work too?! 😂

BillieWiper · 06/07/2026 13:24

The manager pulled you up for participating in a conversation about a celebrity wedding on tea break, as the complainant was a fan of said pop star and she felt personally insulted?!

Gawd help you if you end up working with a Michael Jackson fan. They walk among us! 😭

Pistachiocake · 06/07/2026 13:28

Dollymylove · 06/07/2026 13:10

Seriously some people, grown adults, need to get a firm grip on themselves. Stop behaving like a 14 year girl.
I wonder how long it took after the complaint was lodged for the HR department to start pissing themselves laughing. (Not in fron of the hurt and offended complainant of course)😅
Its a good job I wasnt there, I have form for laughing at things that are meant to be deadly serious !!

Offensive to 14 year old girls! In one of my first jobs, not much older than 14, I was told to stop being pathetic about someone grabbing my bum, and an older woman in the company trying to force me to kiss her on the lips!
OP, I'd be tempted to wear a top with "You gotta calm down" on it, and tell her to shake it off, but I imagine everyone in your life who is sensible has made enough comments like that already.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 06/07/2026 13:31

@BillieWiper Gawd help you if you end up working with a Michael Jackson fan. They walk among us! 😭

That reminds me, I used to know a woman (before he died) who would send him books and mark certain pages she thought he’d like. No idea where she sent them to, but she was convinced he’d receive them and read them.

Isitevensummer · 06/07/2026 13:31

Oh my god, I would be humming shake it off every time I was in the break room - it's the only one I know but it's a good one

BillieWiper · 06/07/2026 13:38

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 06/07/2026 13:31

@BillieWiper Gawd help you if you end up working with a Michael Jackson fan. They walk among us! 😭

That reminds me, I used to know a woman (before he died) who would send him books and mark certain pages she thought he’d like. No idea where she sent them to, but she was convinced he’d receive them and read them.

Haha! Unless they were pics of kids they probably went in the bin?! I don't understand people who love these massively flawed clearly really odd people! I guess he was massively popular.

TS is like the anti-MJ. Completely perfect and trying to seem like this girl next door who's also a princess?! Gawd I'd better stop. HR might be reading this! 🤣

Dollymylove · 06/07/2026 13:53

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 06/07/2026 13:31

@BillieWiper Gawd help you if you end up working with a Michael Jackson fan. They walk among us! 😭

That reminds me, I used to know a woman (before he died) who would send him books and mark certain pages she thought he’d like. No idea where she sent them to, but she was convinced he’d receive them and read them.

Probably posted them to "Neverland, America" and one of his lowly staff word open them and bin them 😉

anothernewname6789998212 · 06/07/2026 13:53

Isitevensummer · 06/07/2026 13:16

Totally agree. How the furare you supposed to know are everyone's interests at work? I love an action movie but I doubt most of my co-workers would have any idea. And where is the tolerance of different opinions? I have a rescue pug, and a lot of people have strong opinions on this breed (I didn't pick her for her breed, she was next up for rehoming). My bosses boss made a comment which, by this batshittery I could have had a meltdown over. But I didn't because I am a grown up.

Absolutely.

I’m sucker for a lot of stuff people would brand as “shite”. For example I love using my downtime to lose myself in a bit of reality tv. I don’t, however, become personally offended on behalf of the Kardashians when I overhear someone at work referring to their show as “codswallop” 😂

Promisingtree · 06/07/2026 13:54

She wasn't wrong about the venue being beneficial to privacy though - I've heard that said on the news, no one could see inside who wasn't supposed to be there and no one could get pics by flying a drone over.

anothernewname6789998212 · 06/07/2026 14:06

tothesea · 06/07/2026 11:12

This was years ago but a colleague once commented how much she fancied Michael Ball and I did a kind of snort laugh ..I genuinely thought she was kidding..she reported me and never spoke to me again. I was gobsmacked.

Lol this is the issue with people who develop parasocial relationships with celebrities. They can’t seem to accept that Michael Ball isn’t their husband or Taylor Swift isn’t their bestie and therefore there is nothing to be personally insulted by. So strange!

LHP118 · 06/07/2026 14:07

Ultimately, you and your wife are meant to be a unit, taking decisions together in support of each other, but also ensuring that whatever you do, you put the children at the heart of those decisions.

What you feel is real, and needs to be discussed openly and as supportively as you've communicated to us, with your wife. There are the objective elements, and then the emotional ones. Perhaps, she's never thought that you feel this way. It may be because the Spanish culture is all about communicating; sometimes sharing a lot more emotionally than a Nordic / Northern European would.

A year away from her work which she has built up may be untenable, especially if her job is linked with her identity.

I put myself in her shoes, and if you had this opportunity, I'd want to know how we can make it work so that the family is together as much as possible, where possible. Ie: transatlantic flights, the ability to work remotely (for both of you, separately, to support this), children having all their hols in the US, and family support to step in for the role you've been covering, with a finite time for the project. Perhaps, once you've had the discussion of how you feel, and what she'd feel if the roles were reversed, on all of these elements, you (both) will find a way to make things possible.

Discuss visiting your family (ensure you discuss role reversal, but also cultural differences if this is what stops her from visiting...and probe core reasons and save them. Together), either in discussing your overall feelings (including how you love her and your life, but a small number of things would make it all so perfect), or an entirely separate discussion. Communication is so key, but also discussing feelings, expectations, hopes and dreams.

Promisingtree · 06/07/2026 14:08

LHP118 · 06/07/2026 14:07

Ultimately, you and your wife are meant to be a unit, taking decisions together in support of each other, but also ensuring that whatever you do, you put the children at the heart of those decisions.

What you feel is real, and needs to be discussed openly and as supportively as you've communicated to us, with your wife. There are the objective elements, and then the emotional ones. Perhaps, she's never thought that you feel this way. It may be because the Spanish culture is all about communicating; sometimes sharing a lot more emotionally than a Nordic / Northern European would.

A year away from her work which she has built up may be untenable, especially if her job is linked with her identity.

I put myself in her shoes, and if you had this opportunity, I'd want to know how we can make it work so that the family is together as much as possible, where possible. Ie: transatlantic flights, the ability to work remotely (for both of you, separately, to support this), children having all their hols in the US, and family support to step in for the role you've been covering, with a finite time for the project. Perhaps, once you've had the discussion of how you feel, and what she'd feel if the roles were reversed, on all of these elements, you (both) will find a way to make things possible.

Discuss visiting your family (ensure you discuss role reversal, but also cultural differences if this is what stops her from visiting...and probe core reasons and save them. Together), either in discussing your overall feelings (including how you love her and your life, but a small number of things would make it all so perfect), or an entirely separate discussion. Communication is so key, but also discussing feelings, expectations, hopes and dreams.

Edited

Wrong thread! (I also know the one you're on 😂)

awoombawee · 06/07/2026 14:19

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · 06/07/2026 00:40

I'm coming at this as swiftie in her late 40s...

Yes it was silly of her to complain about you. No question.

However... sometimes it can be very difficult to be a Taylor fan because people are SO critical of everything she does. There's so much discussion about every aspect of her life. She has an enormous fanbase but also an enormous number of people desperate to tell you why she's awful. And no matter who it is, everyone has an opinion on her (even if they know next to nothing about her).

Her wedding was criticised for being too big, too private, too public, too ridiculous, too tacky, too maga (🙄), not authentic, too wasteful, too ostentatious. It was her fault that there was an extreme heatwave and she was using so much electricity when the mayor had asked new york to conserve energy (aircon units bad). Because of her streets around MSG had to be cordoned off on a public holiday (this is a regular occurrence btw). In reality she was just a girl who wanted a big wedding (nothing wrong with that, even if its not your personal cup of tea) and just wanted to be sure no security threats, drones or helicopters could disrupt her day. This isn't something most of us have to worry about when we get married.

So maybe this girl felt she was battling online/public opinion all weekend and then you just made it worse.

Girl? She is nearly 40, isn’t she!?

I can’t imagine being this obsessed with someone you don’t know.

Swipe left for the next trending thread