AIBU not to attend a old friend’s wedding

[Gardencraazy]

I just don't want to go

Many many hours drive

We text alot but haven't met up for afew years
I Imagine I'll be sat with her hideous family throughout if I do go as part of bridal party

Have zero interest in anyone there

I feel mean not going - maybe it will end our "friendship" but heart says not to go

I hadn’t realised until I read further that you are wanting to cancel a week before the wedding and where you are having a small part. This is very flaky and unkind OP. If you cancel now at least tell the truth that you can’t face the drive and offer to pay for your meal etc.
Keep in mind someone else may have not had an invitation because there were limited numbers and you took their place. Expect to lose the friendship.

Why don't you just make something up like you're abroad on holiday because if you actually were on holiday, thats what you would have to say anyway.

Just say sorry you’re unable to attend but thanks for the invite. Perhaps send a card with a gift voucher?

Totally agree. Just decline.

Yeah, send a message saying sorry you're unable to go. If this feels awkward you could always say you're on holiday, then book a holiday. However surely people realise that not everyone invited to a wedding will attend. There may be a 'reserve' who'd love to go in your place.

Is noone else really saddened by this?
It goes without saying that of course you're at liberty to decline, but I couldn't imagine being this cold about a relationship.
I have no idea why you've continued to maintain a relationship (albeit remotely) about someone you don't care about.

Yes, let her know ASAP and do her a favour - if asked, be honest and don't make up some elaborate lie like others have suggested that may further confuse her about the status if your relationship.

But will be wrong if I cancel a week before

I missed this ^^ bit

@Gardencraazy Yes, you are. You are an inconsiderate, flaky and thoughtless "friend".
Your place will have been paid for. If you didn't want to go you should have declined as soon as you received the invitation. Why did you wait?

I think she said that the RSVP date was approaching so if she's going to decline she needs to get on with it as it would be wrong to cancel a week before the event.

The wedding itself is only a few hrs. Can't you add it onto a nice few days away somewhere lovely?

Decline and give a convincing excuse. Simple as that.

One of my closest friends couldn’t attend my wedding because she had a holiday booked to New York.

I didn’t get my knickers in a twist about it. She had her holiday, I had my wedding. We’re still friends.

The RSVP deadline is a week before the wedding?

No i think the OP is saying she must pluck up courage and pull out now rather than leave it until a week before?

I'm confused now.

I had similar with an old friend planning her wedding in the Lake District in November! We all lived in London and didn’t have cars 🙄 DH and I didn’t go. If it had been summer we would have made it into a mini break, but winter held no appeal once the logistics got too complicated!

P.s. she pulled out of attending our wedding with 24 hours notice. She was “ill”. I think she was holding a grudge 😂

But if you don't see this person anyway what difference will it make?

Yes - still several months away until the event

In that case I owe you an apology. I misconstrued your comment.

You don't want to go so just send your apologies.

It probably will end your friendship and you should have thought about that when you were given the invitation, especially as you were given a small part. Let her know asap, so she can make other plans. She has probably taken it for granted that you are going.

Travel by train? If you go you might enjoy it!

Difficult decision… I usually take a long time to make a decision but once I do, I stick to it. It wouldn’t be kind to accept but later give back word and not turn up.

If you don’t want to make their effort then how valuable is that friendship anyway? Politely decline.

OP you’ve just said your heart says not to go. You need to listen to this. Sometimes we just know not to do things. Could you say you have a holiday booked. Otherwise it will be hanging over you for months and you will be dreading it. When I got married it did genuinely clash with three seperate couples holidays (not sure if deliberately lol)They sent their regrets and gifts snd still made a fuss about the wedding when I met them and no one fell out.

An old friend invited me to her hen party and wedding. When I sat down and worked it out it would have cost about a grand. I felt awful, looking at it this way and that was but then I just let myself off the hook and said no.

I don’t get the problem? You don’t want to go, and don’t seem to have any concerns about the old friendship being damaged by this, so just don’t go? Politely decline.

Personally, I might call her and thank her for the invite and ask on a scale of 1-10 how important it was to her that I attend. She might surprise you and respond immediately that it's not a problem at all if you can't go and that she has already got too many guests coming etc and then she'll appreciate your honesty that it's a very long drive and you haven't been present in her life so would feel uncomfortable around effective strangers.

By indicating you'd suck it up for her if she really wanted you there, you earn brownie points for being a good friend. Not that this is why you should do it!

She might have just invited you to be polite or she might not have made very good or close friends and prefers someone like you at her wedding. It's one day of her and your life so I do think it's selfish to not go if there's no real barrier, just "I don't want to". It's something she will remember the rest of her life so I do think people should be a little more selfless with one-off important events like this. Not the same as being asked for lifts constantly or to babysit etc.