AIBU not to attend a old friend’s wedding

[Gardencraazy]

I just don't want to go

Many many hours drive

We text alot but haven't met up for afew years
I Imagine I'll be sat with her hideous family throughout if I do go as part of bridal party

Have zero interest in anyone there

I feel mean not going - maybe it will end our "friendship" but heart says not to go

Politely declining without lying isn't "telling it as it is".

I'd just repeat that I'm unable to attend.

My take away from that is that your friendships must be very different to any I've ever had

I'm not being snarky, i genuinely can't imagine having a conversation like that, surely the other person is going to be wondering what's got into you

I am an due to be involved ( in a small way)
Now the RSVP date is approaching and I realise I simply don't want to be there
We literally have nothing in common any more

It is so hard for me to try to say no
But will be wrong if I cancel a week before

So I have to do it

Fair enough. I think pushing for answers is rude and I'd generally employ that with people I know less well. With people I know well I'd generally say as politely as I could that I didn't want to go.

Good luck. It isn't easy but I expect you'll feel better once it's done. If she ends the friendship it doesn't seem as though you'll be losing much.

Here's another side. Sometimes when we do t expect to enjoy something we can end up enjoying it. I might a really go if I was you. A friendship doesn't really survive on text alone.
When will you see her if you don't go.
I definitely don't suggest you send an rsvp just saying you can't go.
It might be easier to go if your health is up to the travelling etc.

If you really don't want to go, invent a family event that you cannot decline and send her a lovely gift and card.

No is a complete sentence. No wrapped up politely in a thank you but unfortunately... added with nice card & gift, is also a complete sentence.

She will be thinking & planning all sorts of things for her big day. Be reassured that one old friend (they don't see often) will not feature largely in their wedding celebrations. It could even come as a relief as saves money/someone else can be invited.

From Debretts

You should always RSVP to invitations promptly, and this is certainly true when you are declining. Don’t allow your reluctance to let the hosts down become a reason for procrastinating. Bite the bullet and send your regrets as soon as possible.
• Always express your gratitude and appreciation for the invitation. Even if you are going to decline it you should indicate that you recognise you have been honoured.
• It’s always fine to plead a previous engagement, if that is genuinely the case. Everybody knows that social events clash, and that it’s unavoidable.
• Don’t tell lies to explain your non-attendance – your cover story may be blown by well-meaning friends, especially as social media now tracks and exposes our lives in unprecedented ways, and you wouldn’t want your hosts to discover that you lied in order to avoid their party.

Think you'll be doing her a favour sending her this link and saying IT'S ABOUT YOU
With friends like you who needs enemies?? Calling her family, stating you have zero interest in her

Save her the money and effort and tell her you don't like her

Yes it's wrong to cancel a week before

She would have spent the money on your food and may have missed someone else off for you

Just decline and save her the upset of having such a horrid friend

You sound like you don't like her anyway, with the horrible way you're talking about her. Don't go you'll be doing her a favour.

This could end the friendship are you ok with that?

I can’t imagine not going to a friends wedding especially an old friend, work colleague, acquaintance understandable but not an old friend. Guessing it’s not an important friendship?

She said it was many hours of driving. That seems like a reasonable reason to decline the invitation, though that should be done promptly.

Full stops are a thing you know!

I suppose it depends how much you value and want to keep the friendship. Is it a full day invite?

Can you take your partner/a friend so you aren’t the only one there who doesn’t know anyone?

If you really don’t want to go it’s fine to say you have other plans and maybe send a gift, but it might mean she distances herself from you a bit. You might be ok with that. Or maybe she felt she had to invite you as an old friend but would actually be ok with you not going.

If the friendship is special to you I think I would try to go, with someone if I could and even just for part of the day.

Aw, I’d go if I were you OP. You never know you might enjoy yourself!

It sounds like this invitation has brought your feelings about your friend - if you can still call her that - to a head. You’ve drifted apart and you’re simply not bothered about her anymore. If you were, you’d suck it up for a day.

Decline and begin pulling back. You’re wasting two people’s time at the moment.

If an old close friend declined my wedding without a reasonable reason I’d be hurt and would reconsider the friendship. I wouldn’t fall out with them but I would think that we have different views on the friendship and I would adjust my mindset accordingly.

if you are ok with losing the friendship then you should do it .

Friendships come and go. Some longer or shorter than we’d like. It’s ok to feel that this friendship has run its course, but to choose your friend’s wedding as the time and place to end the friendship is really bad form.

Go to the wedding. Support your friend. If you then let the friendship fizzle out, so be it. But why be so rude and hurtful to someone who has been part of your life for 17 years? On her wedding day of all days?

It is so hard for me to try to say no

It's even harder because you have left it so long.

"Dear friend, thank you very much for your invitation. Unfortunately, I am unable to attend. Wishing you and your husband every happiness. Love from Gardencraazy. Senad a lovely card and a gift.

Job done.

I think I agree with this on this occasion, because you have a part in the wedding and have left it late to decline. Declining now will cause hurt and it doesn't really sound like she has done anything wrong to deserve that. You should have declined earlier or even ended the friendship a long time ago; now your timing is wrong and unfair.

I'm so sorry I won't be able to attend your wedding on the 15th June. However I wish you and the bloke you're marrying every happiness for the future and a wonderful fun filled wedding day. I look forward to hearing all about it next time we meet. Much love xxx

I think you can just say you can't make it. It sounds like the friendship has run it's course, this will probably be the final nail - so it depends if you're comfortable with that. I think generally friendships involve a bit of "well I don't want to really go to that, but I need to support my friend so I'll suck it up" - if you're no longer feeling like that about this friend/old friend, then it's probably reached the end.
Say what you want to say really, I wouldn't bother lying but I also wouldn't say "I don't want to come", I'd probably go with "I'm so sorry I won't be able to make it". In my experience, people don't ask "why?" Especially if they're busy planning a wedding. The most you'd get back from me is "that's such a shame thanks for letting me know"