AIBU to expect my 17-year-old to get dressed and walk the dog with a meltdown?

[Jimmycooper]

To tell teen DD to get out of PJs and take dog for a walk in the good weather?

We’ve had yet another screaming match where she has lashed out with ‘i’ve no friends etc etc etc’

It feels like any time I ask her to do anything or suggest she does anything other than sit in her room , its armageddon and full on tantrums.

I’m absolutely sick of this. She’s 17 and it should not result in a screaming match when it’s suggested she get out of bed.

I know posters will say she’s 17 let her do what she wants - I do and she stays in bed , mopes and gets angry when anyone tries to engage with her.

It’s fucking exhausting. Yes she is neuro diverse, I’ve had years of this and I’d love to know when I can expect the house not to be a battlefield

Ah op its too hot for that, let her stay horizontal and try again when its cooler x

I'm more worried about the dog right now. Where are you living? It's 27 degrees celsius where I am, there's no way I'd bring my dog out now, early morning and evening only when it's not so hot.

No. 17 year olds don't get to do what they want when they live under my roof. Don't care if they're ND. They don't do it with other people so it's not an excuse.

On a separate point, it's possibly too hot to walk the dog, atm.

Go make her clean a bathroom, instead!

Well its about 10 bajillion degrees out today so probably not the best time for your dd or dog to go for a walk.

I wouldn’t be walking the dog in this heat, are you crazy the poor dog will overheat and their paws would burn on the floor like let the dog rest with their cool water never mind the 17 year old Jesus

It's too hot for either her or the dog to be out walking and definitely too hot for arguments

Where do you live op? It's 32 degrees here and way too hot to walk a dog

OP please don't walk the dog between 10am and 9pm!!!!!!

The pavements are beyond scorching and every chance the dog will burn his/her paws.

Walk very early or very late. If you're not sure put your bare foot on the pavement to test it. If it's too hot for you it's too hot for a dog.

no walking the dog in a heat wave !!

you are getting caught up in the symptoms -
look for the cause

why is she so irritable / isolating / no friends etc

start there - what support / resources does she need ??

YABU. Why don't you take the dog out?

Don't expect her to do something you're not willing to do.

I am so baffled that people don't know it's too hot to be walking a dog in this weather - assuming you're in the UK and you are also in the heatwave, it's a recipe for burned paws and possibly heatstroke.

Shouldn't be walking dogs in this weather. The hot pavement burns their pads. Wait till it's cooler. But yes, at 17 she should be pulling her weight at home and I'd be giving her a few difficult truths about her current sponging lifestyle. She should be looking at jobs or going to uni, not loafing in her room all day like a 12 year old.

It’s 17 degrees where I am in the UK so fine to walk a dog so maybe don’t assume everywhere is the same….

yanbu id not allow the slobbery neurodiverse or not. I’d make sure she gets out and does some chores if not

I feel like this was rage bait who the hell wants to make their dog and child suffer in 32 degree heat. If you want a poorly burnt dog you crack on and take them for a walk don’t complain about the sick dog and the vet bill later

If it is her dog, or she begged you to get it, then of course she should walk it, at some point. Of it's not, you should walk it.

@Jimmycooper

"when I can expect the house not to be a battlefield"

When you choose not to make it so?

Was that this afternoon? At 6am this mirning, she probably had a point. At 4pm this afternoon, you probably had a point.

That said, ive got a 17 yr old right now. He's in desperate need of the break afforded by half term. DH has bribed him and his brother (15) to get some homework/revision out of the way tomorrow morning, and he'll take them out for their favourite food in the city (about an hour away). We are working on handing out carrots right now!!!!

You are creating an argument
Leave her alone and stop micro managing

With respect, you have no idea what the temperature is where the OP lives. For instance, it's 17 and cloudy in Inverness right now

I think I'll wait to comment if the the OP comes back & tells us where she is/what the temperature is. It's over 33° here, I'm walking to the fridge & back to get iced water (& the loo to let it out.) That's it!!

It's too hot for the dog and also I don't like it when a dog is just handed to someone who is emotionally unstable. That's not OK IMO.

Its 27 degrees where i am so i wouldn't even dream of walking a dog.

Its 21 degrees here and only on Mumsnet could everyone pile on about the dog.

Instead of asking her to do things or suggesting things she could do, have you really tried talking to her about how she is feeling? About her friendship difficulties?

Why does it have to be a screaming match? It takes two to argue and you're the adult so the onus is on you to stay calm. If she refuses to walk the dog, there should be consequences such as removal of phone, spending money or whatever collateral you can use. Parenting teens is more of a negotiation than a dictatorship. She's almost an adult, not a small child who should blindly obey!