AIBU for regretting not challenging a rude comment to my child?

[AssertiveNeeded]

Please help me become more assertive. I am neurodivergent and I can’t get over confrontations for weeks even months later as I keep repeating them over in my head so I try to avoid getting into one but today I think I should have said something:

in the lift in a shopping centre with my 7 year old and 9 year old DD. This elderly lady came in and said to my 7 year old “do you ever SHUT UP?!!!” DD was just talking in a normal tone to me. I was really shocked and couldn’t say anything back to her. The elderly lady then turned to me and said “it’s like my bloody husband constant natter” I ignored her and we got off at our level. She said this to my DD as soon as she walked in the lift. My DD was very quiet the journey home and I said to her it’s best to ignore people like that. I feel angry I didn’t say anything, I feel I let my child down. I did say I think “oh my god” when she shouted the words do you ever “SHUT UP” but my brain went blank as I was shocked at her.

Can you please advise me what I should say in situations like this? How round you have reacted? I’m feeling really upset and angry and I know it’s my mind spiralling. Please help me be more assertive for my kids sake.

i also think she might have clumsily been trying to make conversation but what an awful way to strike up a conversation!

Saucy bitch. I would have told her to fuck off.
No way would I let her humiliate my son like that.

I don’t care if she’s got ‘issues’, either.

I would never have got confrontational with this person in an enclosed space with no chance of getting my child out safely. You did the right thing in descalating the situation.

I usually say something like "sorry, what?" or "excuse me? I didn't catch that". Usually shuts most idiots up. Some will further challenge you though, which can be scary.

I don't like confrontation, but, after a lifetime of letting people talk crap at me, I finally found my voice around 15 years ago. It's very satisfying but you have to be careful who you challenge, as there are a lot of mh issues out there, and some might retaliate nastily.

You do have to know when to ignore some folk. That's another whole skill.