AIBU to be considering moving home from the USA to the UK

[MaineRedneck]

I am getting pressure from my parents to move back to the UK. She is lonely and complaining that the kids don't know who she is. I am finding myself looking at options.

We are a family of 4 DD1 is 3 DD2 is 6. We moved here 12 years ago and set up a good life. We have a home, a weekend home. We shoot, fish, ride ATV's, and in general are outside the majority of the time. I don't know if we could do that in the UK anymore.

DH has a good job here equivalent of £85k, however in the UK he would get £50k, assuming he could get a job. I currently don't work but I am assuming I would have to if we moved back.

If we sold houses cars etc, we would be coming back with £500k and a 20ft shipping container. I don't know if we could get a decent house for that.

DD2 has spent a total of 12 weeks in the UK visiting family, DD1 obviously less. The UK is a foreign country to them.

Both countries are declining fast so I don't think we will be better in the UK

I don't know if this is a non starter, and I should just grow some balls and tell my mother it's not happening.

There is Hinkley being built in Somerset, we live in Somerset with family in Surrey, it’s an easy drive. 800k would get you a really nice house but not 130 acres!

I wouldnt. Migration of any kind is frowned upon by many here - including the current government.

@Elsvietais right about the tax. Nothing gets Americans abroad riled up more than talking about that. I'm in between a rock and a hard place with HMRC and IRS. One country offers something beneficial and the other wants to tax it. I can't do an IRA Roth or an ISA.

I am the opposite and stay put in the UK until I need to return home and care for my parents as an only child. But the repercussions are huge for tax, healthcare and my child's schooling if I do that.

Good luck with your choice. It's very hard being across the Atlantic from family.

I'd stay. You've built a nice life there and would miss it

Are you sure your DH could "only" get £50k pa if he works in the nuclear industry - is he pretty junior? I would assume that sort of salary is for pretty low to mid level engineers here.

Zombie thread folks!

You posted this back in November 2025, the world and Uk has moved on and we are in a worse position than ever. If you haven’t moved then stay where you are, your life sounds amazing, she can visit. And I know it’s morbid but she may pass away and then it will all be vain and expensive. You will not find a house in Surrey for £500k with anything more than a small garden . I genuinely can’t believe you would uproot your family.

Your dcs sound like they have good quality of life. This is a no brainer.

The fact she wont move when, presumably, has fewer ties - says it all. You would be upending everything for her.

See if she will come out for long holidays? Or can you come over for a month every few years? Find a middle ground.

I cant say I have any wish to live - or even visit - the USA currently. However, your life sounds fun, relaxing and settled.

Normally I would never prefer the US to the UK but in your case - no! Dont move. You wont get even a fraction of the lifestyle you currently have on 50k salary, or even on 100k combined salaries. Your life sounds amazing, dont deprive your kids of it.

Your parent can either move to you or you can visit more often.

Ooops, hate when I miss that! But now we are here, we want to know what @MaineRedneck ended up doing!

Do not move back just because your family keeps pressuring you to. You'll end up resenting your mother. It is your life to live as you please, not your mother's. Personally, I'm very glad that I stopped giving into family pressure, and moved far away... and made it VERY clear that I wasn't moving back.

You got out of the UK for a reason, you've built a life and a family of your own in the US. If you're all happy there, then why give that up just to give into your mother's pressure?

If I lived in the US, rural Maine would be my ideal. You’ve built a fabulous life where you are. Maybe try to visit a bit more and have your mum over more to share in your daughters’ daily lives. Our antipodean relatives come and stay for months at a time.