AIBU to be considering moving home from the USA to the UK

[MaineRedneck]

I am getting pressure from my parents to move back to the UK. She is lonely and complaining that the kids don't know who she is. I am finding myself looking at options.

We are a family of 4 DD1 is 3 DD2 is 6. We moved here 12 years ago and set up a good life. We have a home, a weekend home. We shoot, fish, ride ATV's, and in general are outside the majority of the time. I don't know if we could do that in the UK anymore.

DH has a good job here equivalent of £85k, however in the UK he would get £50k, assuming he could get a job. I currently don't work but I am assuming I would have to if we moved back.

If we sold houses cars etc, we would be coming back with £500k and a 20ft shipping container. I don't know if we could get a decent house for that.

DD2 has spent a total of 12 weeks in the UK visiting family, DD1 obviously less. The UK is a foreign country to them.

Both countries are declining fast so I don't think we will be better in the UK

I don't know if this is a non starter, and I should just grow some balls and tell my mother it's not happening.

In your case I would stay in the US but try and visit the UK more often. If you are not working them hopefully that is easier than if you were restricted to annual holidays.

My parents are in Australia and although we are looking to move in the next few years, there are many reasons we might not be able to. So i am planning to spend approx 3 months a year (scattered over 2 -3 visits) in Australia. My Dcs are older though.

Can your Mum visit you? My sister lived in California for 10+ years and my parents visited for 3 weeks a year. She moved back to the UK partly to be closer to her and her husband's families but that's not the only reason. How old is your Mum?

I wouldn’t consider sending a child of mine to school in the US- terrifies me

I really don’t think it’s reasonable uprooting a stable family of 4 from anywhere to anywhere because of one person missing them. Especially not when that one person “won’t” do true same herself.

You haven’t once used the word “home” in relation to the UK.

I did the opposite - my husband and I immigrated from the states to the uk about 20 years ago and our children were born here. We have the only grandchildren for all 4 grandparents so had some pressure - particularly from my in-laws - to move back when we had our 2 kids. We ignored them as we have the life we want here. You sound totally settled there so would say you should stay. You won’t replicate that lifestyle anywhere here and you’ll just be resentful.

Personally I think you should stay in the USA. You could have a similar lifestyle living in the south west. Hinckley point in Somerset is a huge nuclear power.plant so your husband would easily get a job there is imagine. Lovely Houses in that area are within your budget too, and you can get to Surrey via motorway links quite easily. Bristol airport isn't too far away

But..

Given the state of the UK right now, I would stay where you are. You are in a nice part of the USA.

Personally I think you should stay in the USA. You could have a similar lifestyle living in the south west. Hinckley point in Somerset is a huge nuclear power.plant so your husband would easily get a job there is imagine. Lovely Houses in that area are within your budget too, and you can get to Surrey via motorway links quite easily. Bristol airport isn't too far away

But..

Given the state of the UK right now, I would stay where you are. You are in a nice part of the USA.

Isn't nuclear power also on the decline?

I think the assumption is that when OP says the fam likes to shoot, they're not aiming at tin cans.

She didn't say that though.

I love living in the UK and I don’t want to go to the US at the moment, but I would 100% stay where you are. You have committed to the US and built a good life there, it would be very different over here. I do feel for your Mum, it is hard I think if your children move abroad but I hope she is proud of you and is just having a bad patch.

God I would hate it if a whole family moved continents just to appease me. Your mum sounds awful. What if you move for her and all 4 of you are unhappy / poorer then it’s her fault.

Absolutely! Wylfa Nuclear Power Station is currently being decommisioned but is expecting the new mini nuclear reactors. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c051y3d7myzo Lovely round there.

And Dounreay in NE Scotland is still being decommissioned (a cousin used to work there) Also beautiful. Bit far from Surrey, mind you.

But as Maine currently has no operational nuclear reactors and neither does Surrey, possibly your husband's skills will be more locally transferrable anyway if you move back, assuming he isn't currently decommissioning this: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maine_Yankee_Nuclear_Power_Plant?

Your mum is being really selfish putting pressure and guilt on you like this. You sound like you have a good life with lots of opportunities for your children. Moving to the UK is likely to mean a much smaller property, with far fewer opportunities. Stay where you are.

I would also have a proper conversation with your mum. She can't guilt you like this. Put the guilt back on her and get her to properly consider the change in lifestyle she's asking of you. Then speak to her about how you can make her feel more part of your lives. Can she visit for example?

the Anglesey wild animals would be affected if people who love shooting wild animals as a hobby moved to Anglesey. I dont like the idea of people shooting wildlife for fun. It applies anywhere but because I’m originally from Anglesey, I wrote that response.

Cost of living is lower in the U.K. though tax for a family of 4 with only one working person is far higher (I’ve made the move). Housing varies a lot in the U.K., your money could buy a nice house outright in cheaper parts of the country if you can find work there. even where I live, near Bristol so not cheap, half a million will buy you a family home, just not much land, plenty of work here

Your activities lend themselves to the uplands areas especially parts of Scotland but also along the Pennines, NE England. Shooting is highly regulated and only certain weapons are legal of course.

I wouldn’t. Your standard of life would drop dramatically. I speak as someone who has moved from the US back to the UK,
and would go back in a heart beat if the opportunity arose.

I would suggest looking online at Suffolk close to Sizewell and Somerset on Exmoor as both are places where there’s work in his field. Cumbria is another possibility both at sellafield and also work on the new subs at Barrow, dounrey in Scotland, Dungeness…

Cost of living is absolutely not lower in the UK but I guess it depends where in the US you moved from? We moved from Texas and cost of living was significantly lower over there. Tax also but then there are no state taxes in Tx.

He’s correct. Smaller houses, smaller cars, poorer healthcare unless you can afford private, less consumer choice, less ‘freedom’ ie severally restricted gun ownership and you can’t just go off hunting in the wilderness on a Sunday morning. Smaller RV (caravan) parks - totally different experience in the UK. The list goes on…

We moved back to the U.K. because my mother was so sad that we lived far away. They did not step up with promised babysitting etc.. and in fact were almost sulking for the first year or so. Lots of cancellations, complaints that we didn’t move to their village/give up every Dubday afternoon etc..
It is lovely that the kids have them and my in laws nearby but they don’t see them anything like as often as we had imagined.
And we are less well off than we would have been if we had stayed abroad (not USA). So I guess I am saying make sure you move back for yourself rather than to stop the complaining.