Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He took the condom off

88 replies

CallieMcNalleee · 29/07/2025 23:59

I had sex tonight. The person I had sex with had a condom on, and after we had finished I went to the toilet and he had clearly finished inside me without a condom. States he didn't realise it had come off. The way he said it though it was clear as day he was lying. I'm home now and just don't know what to do. I feel so pissed off and upset. Hadn't had sex in a year and could honestly scream right now.

OP posts:
Theteenandme · 30/07/2025 07:03

CallieMcNalleee · 29/07/2025 23:59

I had sex tonight. The person I had sex with had a condom on, and after we had finished I went to the toilet and he had clearly finished inside me without a condom. States he didn't realise it had come off. The way he said it though it was clear as day he was lying. I'm home now and just don't know what to do. I feel so pissed off and upset. Hadn't had sex in a year and could honestly scream right now.

Have a think about what to do but in the meantime organise the morning after pill (I think pharmacists do it over the counter now) and an STD test.

I'm sorry. You'd both agreed to use a condom. This wasnt your fault. X

BabyCatFace · 30/07/2025 07:03

Lulusept22 · 30/07/2025 06:41

To reduce stress you can always anonymously report online to your local police. It will only take a few mins and it will flag him up for if (and let’s face it, when) someone in the future reports him. You’d still be helping other women then without putting yourself through lots of stress

Show quote history

You can't anonymously report a crime against yourself.

BabyCatFace · 30/07/2025 07:04

Theteenandme · 30/07/2025 07:03

Have a think about what to do but in the meantime organise the morning after pill (I think pharmacists do it over the counter now) and an STD test.

I'm sorry. You'd both agreed to use a condom. This wasnt your fault. X

Show quote history

She said she has a coil. It would be sensitive to read all the OP's posts in a thread like this, there aren't many and it doesn't take long

Health47 · 30/07/2025 07:10

Are you 100% sure he took it off and it didn’t just slide off? Are you 100% sure what you thought was him lying wasn’t embarrassment. I had it before with someone where it did fall off and he didn’t take it off it really was an accident. I’m not saying your guy did or didn’t but you need to be 100% sure it wasn’t an accident before making accusations

Thefaceofboe · 30/07/2025 07:12

Cheeruplovee6 · 30/07/2025 01:45

Don't do this. The man's a liar. How could he not realise

Show quote history

Absolutely not defending him but me and my partner have used condoms 3 times recently for the first time in 10 years as I’m having a break from contraception and the condom came off the first time and neither of us noticed till he went to take it off at the end.

CurlewKate · 30/07/2025 07:14

MAP.STI check. If you can bear to, report.

BabyCatFace · 30/07/2025 07:17

CurlewKate · 30/07/2025 07:14

MAP.STI check. If you can bear to, report.

You can read all the OP's posts in one before commenting. It's often a good idea when it's a sensitive subject.

FiftynFooked · 30/07/2025 07:17

I really wish people would read all of the OPs posts before commenting. It’s easy to do by filtering the posts.

Hope you’re ok this morning OP

Circe7 · 30/07/2025 07:18

Just to say STIs (particularly HIV) can take a long time to show up on an STI test so there’s no point doing this immediately.

It’s completely your decision but I wouldn’t personally report in this situation. The chances of him even getting charged are minimal just because it is extremely difficult to prove his intent here.

SparklyGlitterballs · 30/07/2025 07:19

EVERYBODY READ THE OP'S UPDATES PLEASE!

She has clearly stated she has a coil and doesn't need the MAP.

She has clearly said she doesn't want to be harassed to report to the police.

Yes, her initial post did say she doesn't know what to do, but at least read her updates and respect her wishes.

Hope you're ok this morning OP. My only advice is to sort out an STI test when you're ready and to have no more to do with this man. He obviously cannot be trusted.

Menopants · 30/07/2025 07:20

Re it being an accident . When this has happened to me by accident the guy is usually mortified and stops as soon as he notices and believe me they notice.

i hope you are ok @CallieMcNalleee . Take care of yourself x

Worried8263839 · 30/07/2025 07:24

JustSawJohnny · 30/07/2025 00:09

You need to let him know that what he has done is illegal and is rape.

I doubt very much that CPS would support a charge BUT reporting it means there is a record of the behaviour, should a future partner suffer the same fate with him.

It really wouldn't hurt to at least put in an online report, OP.

Edited
Show quote history

I can’t stress enough how important this is to report, for the reason outlined here. Also, you don’t know his history and he may already be known to them.

BabyCatFace · 30/07/2025 07:25

I really hope in the noise of people irrelevantly telling you what to do that you've seen the post about prep

www.nhs.uk/conditions/hiv-and-aids/

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/07/2025 07:26

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:03

I don't even see the point in reporting him. It'll be a whole load of stress and interviews and agro essentially for nothing to happen. I just know that's the way it goes.

I'm so sorry OP.

I think it would be worth reporting. For all you know you aren't the first woman he's done this too and there will already be police reports about him.

If nothing else, being questioned by the police might make him think twice about doing it again.

Donotgogentle · 30/07/2025 07:27

Worried8263839 · 30/07/2025 07:24

I can’t stress enough how important this is to report, for the reason outlined here. Also, you don’t know his history and he may already be known to them.

Show quote history

Please respect the op’s wishes, she’s been very clear.

verycloakanddaggers · 30/07/2025 07:28

Rosscameasdoody · 30/07/2025 06:46

If she reports him there will be a record of it. There may even be one now if he’s done it before. So more of a picture building up and more likelihood that action can be taken against him. Would you advocate a woman not reporting rape ? Because that’s what his actions are classed as. It’s a violation.

Show quote history

Stop pressuring the victim to report .

FiftynFooked · 30/07/2025 07:30

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/07/2025 07:26

I'm so sorry OP.

I think it would be worth reporting. For all you know you aren't the first woman he's done this too and there will already be police reports about him.

If nothing else, being questioned by the police might make him think twice about doing it again.

Show quote history

Jesus. RTFT!

Mirabai · 30/07/2025 07:30

Zanatdy · 30/07/2025 05:19

That’s awful. Personally I wouldn’t even think about reporting, given the hassle and stress it would cause. Agree that it should be your decision, don’t feel pressured by anyone’s comment’s. Entirely
up to you. I’d ensure I had an STI check up though.

Me too. Posters here don’t necessarily know the reality of reporting it to police.

Don’t pile that on OP at this point she’s got enough on her plate, she has made clear she does not want to.

TheaBrandt1 · 30/07/2025 07:30

Even if you don’t report it I would tell him you were and that he is likely to be prosecuted for rape. Even if not true would at least destroy his peace of mind.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 30/07/2025 07:30

Please stop with the pressure. It really isn’t helpful.

verycloakanddaggers · 30/07/2025 07:36

TheaBrandt1 · 30/07/2025 07:30

Even if you don’t report it I would tell him you were and that he is likely to be prosecuted for rape. Even if not true would at least destroy his peace of mind.

This is an extremely unrealistic and insensitive post.

Who wants to play mind games in this situation?

IsItSnowing · 30/07/2025 07:38

I hope you’re doing ok this morning. I think you should do whatever feels best for you going forward. Nobody else should be telling you what to do.

Coolasfeck · 30/07/2025 07:38

I think there’s only a short window to take the anti-HIV meds so that would be a priority whilst working out what to do.

verycloakanddaggers · 30/07/2025 07:39

Worried8263839 · 30/07/2025 07:24

I can’t stress enough how important this is to report, for the reason outlined here. Also, you don’t know his history and he may already be known to them.

Show quote history

I can't stress enough how unhelpful it is to pressure victims to report.

Hadmysay · 30/07/2025 07:43

Was this a one night stand op?
And report him.