He took the condom off

[CallieMcNalleee]

I had sex tonight. The person I had sex with had a condom on, and after we had finished I went to the toilet and he had clearly finished inside me without a condom. States he didn't realise it had come off. The way he said it though it was clear as day he was lying. I'm home now and just don't know what to do. I feel so pissed off and upset. Hadn't had sex in a year and could honestly scream right now.

Don't do this. The man's a liar. How could he not realise

Report it. You never know someone may have already reported him and the police may be aware of him.

So sorry this happened to you and fair play to you for telling posters you will be making your own mind up about what, if anything, you do about it.
I know it’s not the time to jest but you could leave it a few weeks and then tell him you are pregnant.

Read the fucking thread!

I've reported this post and will report any others who harrass the OP about going to the police. Respect her wishes!

I’m so sorry OP. Whatever you decide to do is your choice and it’s the right choice for you. If you think you MIGHT report, keep your underwear and what you wore tonight to one side (don’t wash them). You can get support even if you don’t report. You’ll have to wait for an STI check unfortunately, 2 weeks.

What a prick I’m really sorry you’ve been through this xxx

Woah there. Totally see you’re trying to protect the OP and that’s very cool of you, but no need to start swearing at other posters!

The OP literally came on here saying she didn’t know what to do. Totally appreciate OP then putting the brakes on the thread but it’s hardly harassment to still give an opinion.

OP that is truly awful, I’m sorry this happened. I hope you get the support you need.

OP, I just wanted to make sure you’ve heard of SARC. If you go there, they can collect evidence from you and store it until you’ve made a decision. It’s such an awful thing he’s done to you, and I can totally understand why you might feel stressed (and many other things) at the prospect of going to the police. You don’t need to decide now, if you go to a SARC - they’re not the police, they’re there to support you and your health, and they’ll simply collect and store the evidence for when you’re ready to make a decision.

It is not ok to pressure or guilt trip victims. Please read the Rape Crisis website and educate yourself on how to support victims.

This is called stealthing and is a type of rape. Talk to your local sexual assault referral centre as a self referral if you are not wanting to talk to the police here and keep the condom as they will want to seize it. They can take and store samples for 2 years and arrange sexual health and support referrals for you.

That’s awful. Personally I wouldn’t even think about reporting, given the hassle and stress it would cause. Agree that it should be your decision, don’t feel pressured by anyone’s comment’s. Entirely
up to you. I’d ensure I had an STI check up though.

I hope you got some sleep and are able to take stock of the situation in time and make choices that suit you.The only immediate one would be the STI check.
Sorry you had this done to you.

I don't see the point in reporting him either, in terms of the personal cost to you, OP, but look after yourself, get checked out.

This happened to me once too, about 25 years ago. It was a one night stand. I told the guy I felt like I had been raped, he down-played and minimised it. I have since found out of course that stealthing is a form of rape, if I had known that at the time I might have reported it.

I am really sorry that he did this to you. It’s despicable.

Hi Op.

This is terrible. Is there anyone in real life you can talk to, even the samaritans in this situation will just listen rather than people projecting their own stuff on to you.

Whether or not you go to the police is up to you, but please go to the clinic or even the rape crisis centre. They will have better resources than Mumsnet'.

Stay safe.

Get the morning after pill from a pharmacy would be a smart move and then gets checked for an STI. Finally, don’t have sex with that lowlife again!

If you do.decide to report him don't shower first

I'm so sorry this happened to you, take care of yourself

Whatever you decide to do . Do what is right for you .
The most important thing is to get some support for you .

hope you manage to get some sleep

To reduce stress you can always anonymously report online to your local police. It will only take a few mins and it will flag him up for if (and let’s face it, when) someone in the future reports him. You’d still be helping other women then without putting yourself through lots of stress

That's awful Op. Take all the time you need to make decisions about what (if anything) you want to next. Put yourself first.

If she reports him there will be a record of it. There may even be one now if he’s done it before. So more of a picture building up and more likelihood that action can be taken against him. Would you advocate a woman not reporting rape ? Because that’s what his actions are classed as. It’s a violation.

I would advocate a woman who’s been assaulted doing what feels right for her and what she feels able to cope with.

It’s depressing that this thread is putting pressure on the op to report the assault to the police. She knows her options and it’s her choice.

Tbh the swearing is justified. On a thread about sexual assault posters need to rtft and respect the op’s wishes.

Would not recommend in a month of Sundays the OP doing this. As someone who has been raped, and gone through all the trauma of going to a SARC, having had a ton of swabs taken etc and nothing come of it, there literally is no point.

I'm sorry if that sounds blunt but the reality of this even going to the CPS is virtually non existent. Just being honest as someone who has been through the process and had a medical done. Even the forensic nurse wrote on my notes ' cannot confirm or deny a rape' You need a lot of evidence for a charge.

Make sure you go and get the morning after pill. If in the UK you can go to a pharmacy, as well as a sexual health clinic or your GP. On top of all your stress, you don’t want an unexpected pregnancy.

Whatever you do about evidence collecting etc - please go to a GUM clinic and get PREP today which will protect you from potential HIV infection.