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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He took the condom off

88 replies

CallieMcNalleee · 29/07/2025 23:59

I had sex tonight. The person I had sex with had a condom on, and after we had finished I went to the toilet and he had clearly finished inside me without a condom. States he didn't realise it had come off. The way he said it though it was clear as day he was lying. I'm home now and just don't know what to do. I feel so pissed off and upset. Hadn't had sex in a year and could honestly scream right now.

OP posts:
BySassyGreenPanda · 30/07/2025 07:43

I'm sorry you had to experience this ❤

There are some vile people out there. Thankfully you have a coil as a back up against pregnancy. As others have recommended, when you're ready you might want to do an STD screen. I had to once, and you could do the swab yourself. A bit like how we did the COVID test (but up your foof of course). Nowhere near as bad as I expected.

Typicalwave · 30/07/2025 07:45

Im So sorry OP.

Can you contact your local tape crisis services for support?

MrsBlobby64 · 30/07/2025 07:48

Get to a pharmacy for the morning after pill & sort an STI check. Block him on everything. What a scumbag..

MissHollysDolly · 30/07/2025 07:50

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 00:03

I don't even see the point in reporting him. It'll be a whole load of stress and interviews and agro essentially for nothing to happen. I just know that's the way it goes.

something happening isn’t the outcome needed. The outcome you’ll achieve is that the police will follow up with him, hopefully giving him the fright of his life so he won’t do it again. And when he does it next time (when not if) there will be a record of this behaviour. You can call 999 or find your nearest centre https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/sexual-health-services/find-a-rape-and-sexual-assault-referral-centre/

Find a rape and sexual assault referral centre - NHS

Find a rape and sexual assault referral centre near you on the NHS website.

https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/sexual-health-services/find-a-rape-and-sexual-assault-referral-centre/

Wynter25 · 30/07/2025 08:02

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Hope you're okay and got some sleep x

Sayitagainmyl · 30/07/2025 08:03

OrangeSlices998 · 30/07/2025 04:06

I’m so sorry OP. Whatever you decide to do is your choice and it’s the right choice for you. If you think you MIGHT report, keep your underwear and what you wore tonight to one side (don’t wash them). You can get support even if you don’t report. You’ll have to wait for an STI check unfortunately, 2 weeks.

What a prick I’m really sorry you’ve been through this xxx

STI checks should be done IMMEDIATELY. The op has been exposed and may need medication that has to be taken within a very short timeframe.

Blobbitymacblob · 30/07/2025 08:05

This happened to me years ago, and I hadn’t heard the term stealthing back then. I felt raped, but I didn’t think it would meet anyone else’s definition, never mind meet the threshold for a conviction. So I kept it to myself. It’s helpful to have the right words to articulate the experience. But It’s also very, very hard to hear words like sexual assault and rape and it takes time to process. Take care of yourself op. It’s normal to feel very down, even ill in the days afterwards, and there are a lot of posters here who will support you.

neverbeenskiing · 30/07/2025 08:20

For the love of God, people READ THE FULL FUCKING THREAD!!

OP has been very clear. She will decide whether or not she wishes to make a Police report, as is her right, and she has respectfully asked that people stop pressuring her. It's disgraceful.

I work in a safeguarding role and I can tell you that if there is one thing all specialist services and professionals that work with victims of sexual abuse agree on, it is that victims should never be pressured into reporting their assault and should be supported regardless of whether they choose to involve the Police or not.

OP's only responsibility is to herself.

Back off.

MenopauseSucks · 30/07/2025 08:27

@CallieMcNalleee
Hi Callie,
I’m sorry to hear what happened - the guy’s a total arse.
Whether you decide to report him is entirely up to you.

What I am strongly suggesting you do is take some Post Exposure Prophylaxis or Pep as it will help prevent HIV infection. It is best to be taken within 24hrs of exposure but can be taken up to 72hrs of exposure.
You can get it from either your a local Sexual Health Clinic or A&E. GPs tend not to prescribe it.

I’ve taken it - I went through A&E as it was the quickest option.
They will assess whether you need it but no point was I put under any pressure to report what had happened to me.
An STD test can be taken at a later date.

I found it gave me some control over what had happened to me & it was one less thing to worry about.

Take care & decide what is best for you.

Original poster
CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 08:46

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 30/07/2025 09:43

CallieMcNalleee · 30/07/2025 08:46

Thanks everyone

I hope you get some support. I advise you to get the morning after pill as even though you used contraception, it's never completely guaranteed.

Imnotgonnamiss · 30/07/2025 10:48

I’m so sorry this happened to you.
You’ve had great advice to get checked in case of any STIs.

Do you have any options to access a counsellor (as an example we have an employee helpline via work that offers confidential help with a massive range of personal issues including accessing counselling) so you have some support to process what’s happened and how you feel?

Theteenandme · 30/07/2025 17:30

BabyCatFace · 30/07/2025 07:04

She said she has a coil. It would be sensitive to read all the OP's posts in a thread like this, there aren't many and it doesn't take long

Show quote history

Somehow I missed that.
Apologies OP.

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