Friend having cosmetic surgery - why oh why ?

[bagpuss90]

My friend was so naturally pretty - I’d say actually stunning. I hadn’t seen her for a few months. We met up this weekend. I was shocked - she’s had cosmetic surgery and it frankly looks awful . She tells me she’s having more . She said her sister is dead against it but she thinks her sister is jealous as she can’t afford it herself. I’m with her sister It’s quite upset me - she just no way needed it. I hope her self esteem wasn’t so low that she felt this would help. I think she was upset because I didn’t comment on it - but I just couldn’t think of anything positive to say. It’s none of my business - I’m just concerned that’s all .

Not much you can do.
The jealous thing is often trotted out.
I struggle to say anything positive either.

Hopefully she goes somewhere safe and reputable, and doesn't fly off to Turkey...

She's a victim of our society's obsession with all women looking like they are a 21yo playboy bunny.

It must be very difficult for stunning people to age. People do treat you differently. Personally I'm on the wrong side of plain and therefore aging hasn't done my looks any harm at all.

You could either message her and tell her the truth (she probably won't speak to you again) or just ignore what's going on.

Ignore. Though I would tell my sister or daughter.
Friends, no.

I guess it’s her face to do with what she likes, whatever you or her sister have to say about the matter.

People have all sorts of bodily interventions I don’t think look nice or suit them (in particular, septum piercings) but I keep my trap shut.

I agree that I also feel I dodged a bullet by being average-looking so that ageing hasn’t come as such a blow.

But when I get to 65 or so I’ll be having my droopy eyelids hoiked out of the way so that I can see out of my own face holes again. I’m grateful that’s an option for me!

'Jealousy' is the first thing most people leap to as a defence mechanism.

It's understandable that you're worried but there's nothing you can (or should) do or say about it.

Well actually you can say what you like about it but then you'll be 'jealous' too.

What's she had done?

Nothing to do with you

The amount of work and fillers etc some women have i notice the men are aging better than the women now days.
I have a neighbour that was on ozempic and has fillers in her lips face forehead tanning bed 3 times a week huge brows damaged hair teeth so white they look blue.
And talk of getting her boobs done and a second nose job i say good for you so you should go spoil yourself.

What i want to say is for fuck sake you look awful all the things she is doing and has had done as aged her badly.
Shes 44 and looks 56.

As the penguins say smile and wave.

Another interfering friend.

I think she was upset because I didn’t comment on it

Yes terribly interfering.

So she had (very visible) surgery and didn’t tell you or it never came up in conversation beforehand or on the day? It sounds like maybe you’re not that close so I’d certainly keep my nose out.

I sometimes feel that people who don’t like cosmetic surgery in general just never think it looks good. One of my friends has had a lot of Botox and filler done and she looks amazing, there’s another woman we know who’s vocal about how ‘awful’ it looks. But in reality it’s excellent work and she’s just blinded by her distaste.

I often think people can go too far, hello Katie Price but it's their life and their life only.

We can think things but unless invited to comment, definitely keep to yourself.

We just live our lives the best we can. If it makes her feel good, so be it.

What has she had done and why does she look worse?
Is it like overfilled lips, extreme facelift giving a wind tunnel affect?
It is a shame if she seems to be getting addicted to cosmetic procedures. All you can do I say you don't feel she needs it and you worry it could be a sign of low self esteem to try and change a healthy body so much.
I hope she calms down with it!

One of my friends has had a lot of Botox and filler done and she looks amazing, there’s another woman we know who’s vocal about how ‘awful’ it looks. But in reality it’s excellent work and she’s just blinded by her distaste.

I think there's probably some truth in that.

But it also happens in reverse where someone looks visibly awful to a lot of people, but they themselves are blinded by their enthusiasm for it.

I really don’t get why people care, I don’t like blond hair or facial piercings but get others think they look nice.
so what if you think she looks worse and was stunning before, were you only her friend because you thought she was stunning?

Yabu not to tell us what she had done tbh

How can we make an informed decision as to whether you were unreasonable, without such info

For example - huge lip fillers - nope. Botox - maybe

Yanbu i hate it the majority of the time it's looks terrible and I just can't justify the risks of surgery. I think obviously if you have an actual deformity which you would get it on the nhs that's different or where your breasts are huge so your getting them reduced due to back problems but if your flying to Turkey for a boob job or a tummy tuck it's to risky and just not necessary. Someone I know died from a gastric band and it's such a pointless death she left behind her children it was awful

I am not in the slighest bit against treatments or surgery. I have had a breast reduction and while I've done nothing to my face, I would consider something to help smooth lines under the right conditions. I have no need for a nose job, but I can absolutely understand why some women would want them.

I say all this to make it clear that I really don't thin the surgery or treatments are the problem.

However, the current trend for very obvious, very unnatural looking interventions are something I find extremely odd and I personally find them very unattractive. when I see women with lips that look like fish or breasts that look like basketballs, I just cannot understand WHY they do this to themselves.

I know a 30 yr old girl, who has a tiny frame, tiny hips. Her false boobs make her totally out of proportion, she has recently had a trout pout, done, really I could cry. She was so beautiful, slim, now she is deformed.

Yes terribly judgmental and starting a thread about it. I repeat, Interfering.

I sometimes feel that people who don’t like cosmetic surgery in general just never think it looks good. One of my friends has had a lot of Botox and filler done and she looks amazing, there’s another woman we know who’s vocal about how ‘awful’ it looks. But in reality it’s excellent work and she’s just blinded by her distaste.

It possibly does look amazing to you if you are a fan of cosmetic surgery.

I don't think someone who doesn't think it looks amazing is " blinded by her distaste". She probably thinks it's awful because for her, and many women, the way cosmetic surgery makes women look like clones of each other and look artificial and lacking in character and individuality is awful.

You've gotta love sisterhood 🙄let's drag women down for their life choices and bitch about them while we are at it. All under the guise of friendship.

I’m very live and let live about these things however there was a STUNNING influencer that I followed who has gone over the top with Botox and it’s such a shame. It looks terrible and she has destroyed looks that most women would kill for. She’s early 30s.

OP is concerned for her friend. And quite rightly so. Nobody likes to see their friend make bad life choices.
Being concerned is totally different from being bitchy.